Going home for first time in 2 years - what do I do?
I have lived abroad for 14 years, and am going back to my home country briefly for the first time in 2 years. When I was there 2 years ago for a week, my mwbpd had already refused to see me or speak to me for the previous 3 years, apart from sending vicious emails every now and then telling me how awful I am and how much my whole family hates me. I managed to cling on to a wisp of a relationship with my dad, who on the day I was meant to meet him, after ignoring all my contact attempts for 3 months, got in touch to say he didn't want to see me and parroted all my mum's crap back at me. It was quite devastating really, that was the last of my family left who I could see and I thought wanted to see me. The details are long and boring and typical bpd covert narc toxic family dynamics involving scapegoating and isolating me from everyone. I've had NC with the whole family since then. Obv I feel really sad and it gets me down a lot. Going back this time, my dad will be 70 and I just don't know what to do. A part of me wants to reach out to him and ask if this is really what he wants, to have NC with his only daughter into his old age, when we have always got on so well until she poisoned him against me. But then I also think I don't want to open the door to this abject pain and bullying that I've received from them all over the years. But at the same time he's my dad who used to be so close to me, I just can't bare it that he's going I to his 70th year, I want him to know I love him. It's just breaking my heart. I'm in a damned if you do damned if you don't situation because getting in touch with him is at what cost to my own sanity?