Rejection / thinking about quitting
Hi, I think I’m just looking to vent, but recently I got rejected to audition in the best ballet company for me which is the only one in my country. English is not my first language so sorry if something is not well redacted.
Well, I studied at the national school at my country and as a male I started late (18) and on my last years Covid hit, and I was really struggling with mental health so I stopped dancing, I was 23 by that time, two years later I came back to ballet to give it another try and just do it because I enjoyed it, and eventually I got back on track and even got the chance to audition to this company at 25, I made it to the last round of the audition but didn’t got in. And after that I’ve been giving it a try the last two auditions just because I live here and it’s not difficult for me to audition, but I couldnt get past the preselection.
I know I’m old for a professional company as I am 28 now, but what I feel is sad is that I have achieved a decent level, the thing is that this company is one of the best and recognized worldwide. But is the only one that offer a job and a decent pay in my country. So they normally expect a superhigh level to get in for someone my age or more experience which I don’t have. They have offered contracts to people even older than me but well they were in that position.
I’m truly sad, I know my pros and cons and the mistakes I made in the journey, I’m sad at this point after this rejection, I’m surely going to stop dancing ballet. I’m not really mad but I feel exhausted of being demanded a level like if I was one participant of the prix de Lausanne.
I know how competitive this world is but i get this feeling on my throat like im getting choked and feeling like I’m never enough, even though I know I have conditions, I have great feet, lines, pirouttes, jumps, but im also short in height and old. And I know even the slightest can make the jury or the director to chose another dancer.
Anyways, If anyone can give any advice I think it might help me.