palliative care questions
My mother died from metastatic cervical cancer – I am struggling to understand what happened during her last 36 hours
My mother died on May27, 2026, from metastatic cervical cancer. She had extensive lung involvement and I know that her illness was very advanced. I am not trying to convince myself that she could have been cured or that she would have lived for a long time.
What I am struggling with is the way her final 36 hours unfolded.
On the evening of May 25, she was still conscious. She was on oxygen and her breathing was difficult, but she was able to eat and communicate with us.
During the night, at around 3 a.m. on May 26, her condition apparently worsened significantly. From the medical information I have been able to gather, she received midazolam and oxycodone, including boluses, as part of palliative care/sedation.
During May 26 she was extremely sleepy and only intermittently awake.
What makes this particularly difficult for me is that on the evening of May 26, she managed to wake up and speak on the phone to several members of our family. She spoke to her parents and to other relatives. It took enormous effort, but she was still able to communicate.
After that evening, she fell asleep again. I never had another real conversation with her.
She died the following may , 27 at 7pm
I understand that midazolam and opioids are routinely and appropriately used in palliative care to relieve severe breathlessness, anxiety and suffering. I also understand that dying from extensive pulmonary metastases can involve very severe respiratory distress.
But as her daughter, I am left with many questions.
I am trying to understand what medically happened between the evening of May25 and her death on May 27. Could the sudden profound decrease in consciousness simply have been the natural progression of respiratory failure? How much of it could have been caused by the midazolam and oxycodone? Is this kind of sequence typical when palliative sedation is started for severe dyspnoea?
There is also something emotionally very difficult for me: I am not completely certain that my mother wanted to remain sedated. From what I have been told, sedation was discussed with her, and she may initially have agreed and then expressed hesitation or changed her mind. I am currently trying to obtain and understand her complete medical records so that I can establish exactly what was documented.
I am not looking to accuse individual doctors or nurses without evidence. I am trying to understand whether what happened was medically expected and appropriate, and whether other families have experienced something similar.
If you are a palliative-care doctor, nurse, pharmacist, or if you have been through something comparable with a parent, I would be very grateful for your perspective.
I miss my mother terribly. I think part of my grief is that I still don’t understand what happened during those final hours, and I need to understand it.