u/Pleasant-Green-4992

I have had bad experiences in multiple autism subs to the point peoples comments has made me suicidal multiple times. And what is really triggering is reading through those places and seeing no one else being treated how i was. Most people are understood there but when i would talk about my issues it would blow up into a huge thing with downvotes and comments rushing in invalidating me from every angle.

I feel broken and worthless.

My parents do not believe my issues. Internet does not. Government does not. No one does.

I feel so fundamentally broken and bad in every way.

When i would get comments upsetting me i would try to stand up for myself and instead ppl would get angry and downvotes me. Never do i ever see that happen to others, ive seen ppl in similar situations defend themselves and getting understood.

I feel like something must be off about me do u understand what i mean?

I have had similar experience in mental health internet groups where everyone despises me and people would get extremely angry at me talking about my problems even tho i didnt understand why.

It feels like everyone in every single spaces hates me and wants me dead. I guess there is something about me that must be so deeply deeply obviously wrong and bad that i don't notice that makes ppl want to drive me suicidal or something.

It dosent help that i dont have family except parent who dont care and dont understand at all and i dont have friends and internet hates me and im expected to survive.

So many times ive ended up hurting myself because of these things and it just keeps happening. Sometimes i would talk about how much those things affect me and it would just lead to people getting even more angry and hating me which just would make me so distressed i would feel psychotic. And i dont mean psychotic as an adjective i would genuinely get so distressed and isolated that i would get psychosis symptoms.

I stay away from any spaces now i only post here. Interesting that in here that has rarely ever happened and ppl here seem to all understand me.

I have autism but it feels like im not allowed to be autistic by others around me. My parent for example but just people in general, my parent will watch love on the spectrum and she love the show and the autistic people on it but the moment i am autistic, i am made to feel like i am a disgusting, rude, lazy, difficult monster.

I notice this just in general too, that there is so much compassion for people for example on love on the spectrum or certain autistic content creators but the moment i am autistic my autism is fake and an excuse and my issues are abusive.