I need prayers, I'm really struggling
Hello guys, I wanted to share something and be totally vulnerable because I feel like I've lost my way, and no one in my family or life knows. I would hate for this struggle to be the reason I lose my life in enteral life.
To start, I have an awesome family and very good parents. They are all Adventist and are not the cause of this by any means. From a very young age, I got curious and fell into a habit of visiting bad websites. I used to just view things and leave without doing anything because I was a kid and didn't really understand, but I knew it was taboo. It was mostly off and on, especially during summer vacations when there was no school.
As the years passed, I saw a video online explaining that engaging with this kind of content or giving into those temptations was a sin. I got really scared because I hadn't realized the severity of it, so I asked God for forgiveness and stopped. I stayed away from it for years and even forgot about it. But eventually, I randomly fell back into it, though not as often at first.
For a while, I thought I had strong self-control because I could stop for long periods. I took that for granted. Before each new school year, I would make a promise to God to abstain for the entire year, and I was able to keep those promises for a long time.
However, over the last two years—starting around my 3rd year of high school—things changed. I broke a promise just days before it was set to end, and since that day, I’ve had a really hard time keeping my word. I keep slipping back into this habit daily, and it has gotten out of hand. I really need help. I haven't told my family because I worry about disappointing them, but I'm reaching out here because I don't want to compromise my spiritual journey over this. I asked my sibling to pray for me generally, but I haven't shared the details with anyone.
It really hit me this morning and I felt scared and overwhelmed. I know how harmful this habit is and I feel terrible about it. I feel isolated because no one who knows me would ever suspect I am dealing with this deep down.
I am sincerely asking for your prayers. Thank you for reading and for providing a space to share. May God bless you and your family.