providing perspective and additional info as someone who has bi-cultural and linguistic context/fluency
hi, lovely people-- I’ve been wanting to write this post because I’ve seen a lot of missing information and context across both the Korean-speaking and English-speaking fan communities. there is a very specific collision of Korean patriarchy, Korean Christianity, and the workings of the Korean entertainment/music industry at play here, and I really hope to provide clarity and insight.
before we get into things, here’s a (hopefully fitting) song to accompany your reading-- 🎶Stella Jang - Villain 🎶
this is NOT an apologia; I don’t believe in playing defense here. I hope to:
A) add additional context and provide a FULL list of what the original person who posted the info about Gunil shared, as well as provide some additional depth to the claims (씨발년 was NOT the only troubling aspect of what was exposed),
B) share an open letter to Gunil. I think it highly unlikely he will ever come across and read it; however, I write it because I am genuinely concerned for the direction in which he is headed and how much it reminds me of people I have encountered in my communities who spiral and deeply harm others as they spiral. maybe I’m hoping my words reach someone, anyone.
I’ve been really worried about the lack of information being distributed and circulated especially on the English-speaking side of SNS because having to rely on translations without certain kinds of cultural context does not provide a full picture. I’m hoping that you all read and engage with open hearts and minds and can make more expansively informed decisions as you process what I have to share. this is gonna be a super long post (😭😭I’m sorry! please let me know if you want me to break it up into a series of posts instead), but there is a LOT of info that’s been left out/unsaid. I hope you please take a chance to think and feel with me, and I thank you for your patience and energy in engaging with so much information.
SECTION A
THE ORIGINAL POST
first, here is the extended list of claims by the original person who shared about their experience dating Gunil:
- he cusses about fans regularly and also rates their faces at fansigns. he has said that he wanted to beat the shit out of fans and that fans are disgusting post-The Xcape concert (this is in addition to his comment about wanting to ”f*cking slap these f*cking c*nts‘ faces”). apparently the screenshots and recordings that were shared were ones that were somewhat less severe and filtered by the original poster. I cannot imagine just how much worse the other parts of the conversations were if THIS was the toned down version.
- he cheated on them with other women while they were dating, and the original poster didn’t want to divulge personal details further (which is totally understandable).
- he talks shit about the members regularly but praises one specific member that he thinks is really handsome. the person said they did not think it a good idea to clarify which member(s) and what kind of things were said.
I do not have access to the original post, because it is in a private online community group, but you can see a collection of the screenshots here. parts of these claims have been translated and circulated, but other parts have not, so I wanted to share.
SOME CONTEXT
Language translations
I want to give huge props to the OP of this post. I encourage everyone to please read it if you have not already! I agree with them on every point and think they did such a thorough, detailed job explaining why 씨발년 is a genuine slur (f*cking c*nt/subhuman) and not just “f*cking b*tch,” why it was clear from the original screenshots of Gunil’s call that this was not just directed at sasaeng fans but to anyone who critiqued The Xcape concert/anyone he had contempt for, why the violent degradation fantasy of slapping a group of majority women and girl fans is truly so troubling, and more. when I first heard the recording, hearing him so easily spit out a slur made my heart drop into the pit of my stomach.
- in providing even more context, I would like us to confront the assumption that the original person who posted these screenshots posted “for five minutes of fame.” I’ve seen comments in multiple subreddits saying that, and this is literally language lifted straight out of Misogynist Defenders 101!! this awful, MISOGYNISTIC idea that women are vindictive and dangerous to men in power and “ruin their lives over nothing” is so terrible-- let us not do the work of misogynists for them. exposing only reveals what was already there, and Gunil himself has admitted to his behavior.
- I saw that the original poster who had dated Gunil, who I will call A for clarity, had shared this in a specific community group (think of it like a Facebook group) and was not the one who shared it out to larger public spaces. and before you think that “well, what did they think was gonna happen? of course this would be shared everywhere!” I would like us to remember that
- there are no perfect victims/story sharers, and I wish we would stop looking for them. honestly, the reason A shared these screenshots and recordings shouldn’t matter. yes, it is a violation of privacy, but that does not discredit A’s claims and the severity of Gunil’s wrongdoings. and Gunil himself has said this in his apology Bubble message-- he admitted himself that regardless of whether or not this was made public, he knows the words he used were wrong. Korean comments on forums have also made the point that A who recorded these things must have been so shocked and concerned and continuously hearing these things to get to the point of recording, and I agree.
- speaking of words, one of the things that has been posted all over Korean media and SNS but has been left out or mistranslated in English-speaking media is that Gunil was saying that “because of all these 씨발년들 causing a f*cking racket (about The Xcape concert), [I’m] pissed off and it’s impossible not to develop 빠혐.“ 빠혐 is an abbreviation for 빠순이 혐오. 빠순이 is a derogatory term to refer to women and girl fans; 빠순이 has the connotation and meaning of not just “fan girl” but something closer to “cr*zy rabid fan-female“ (but MORE derogatory). 혐오 has also been misinterpreted as just “hate.” it’s not just “hate.” 혐오, while it directly translates to “hatred,“ is used specifically in the context of systemic discrimination and oppression. ex: anti-queer hatred/queerphobia in Korean is 퀴어 혐오. what Gunil said is that “this is why [I] can’t help but develop 빠혐,” which is not “fan hate“ but is better translated as “cr*zy rabid fan-female hatred,” misogyny but fan-flavored. the fact that he calls fans as 빠순이들 and considers 빠혐 a legitimate and valid response to the fans who critiqued the concert is troubling, because only conditionally respecting and recognizing the dignity of someone’s existence is not real dignity and respect. Gunil trying to justify who those words are directed to in both his original phone call and his apology letter is truly disappointing, because even though he admits he was wrong to use these words, he still maintains a stance of rationalizing and implying that some people are more deserving of respect and dignity than others. and if showing negative reactions (even ones that are severe) makes you eligible to be debased and disrespected, then that dignity and respect was flimsy and false to begin with.
- the OP of the Reddit post I linked above has noted that Gunil probably thought he could get away with talking like this to/in front of A, and I‘ve seen some comments on the Korean side of SNS that have said that A is rumored to be a hostess at a bar or cafe or club (because the online community group they posted in is for people in that field). unfortunately, Korean comments have been using a derogatory word to describe women in that profession, which I think is wrong and disgusting. I encourage you to please not reproduce that misogyny by judging A based on their job, which A does because there is a demand for the work and they’re trying to making a living.
- I do think that it is incredibly telling that Gunil was specifically introduced to this person by his acquaintance, according to his own words. I know there are lots of men who specifically seek out women in service industries and professions to relieve their feelings because of disgusting stereotypes and assumptions that these women are more “compliant” and will embrace everything men throw at them. if this is true, then it adds an additional layer to the relationship that I think a Korean comment put really well— “he probably didn’t even imagine that A had a will and mind of her own.” Gunil, in his message to fans on Bubble post-The Xcape concert said that he spoke up in the face of fan criticisms because he didn’t want himself and his members to become emotional trashcans. ironically, he did just that to A— turned them into his emotional bin. Korean comments noted this and said “how lightly he must have thought of A, someone he only knew for 2 weeks to be cussing out his fans, his members with such violent language?“
Gunil‘s emotional and mental state
once again, this is no apologia. mental and emotional distress is never an excuse for harmful behavior, and the impact of Gunil’s words and actions still require accountability.
there are several factors at play that allow me to understand (NOT JUSTIFY OR RATIONALIZE) how Gunil may have ended up here. I think the issues he named are genuinely terrible and beyond stressful to the point of mental and emotional duress: stalking, both through fans invading the members’ dorms as well as putting a GPS tracker on his car; criticism (some severe and very undeserved); worries about the band’s future and musical direction, likely especially because of his upcoming mandatory military service. I’ve seen comments in both Korean and English saying that he was foolish for opening up to someone he’d only known for two weeks, that he should have relied on his members, family, close friends, and company, that he should have gone to therapy and/or counseling, especially because JYP is “known for“ providing artists’ mental care.
realistically, while yes, foolhardy, irresponsible, and troubling, I can see why he thought to do what he did. I do not condone or agree, but I can follow the logic and recognize the systems-level pressures at play.
- stalking is horrible. ironically, though, the reason why stalking is not taken seriously in Korea (and other places) is precisely BECAUSE of misogyny. stalking is a violence that primarily affects and is perpetrated again women and girls! if not for misogynistic attitudes towards women and dismissal of their experiences on a systemic, societal level, Gunil might actually have found proper recourse. additionally, I disagree with comments saying that he should have worked it out with his company— entertainment companies will never really do anything about stalker fans because the entertainment industry, particularly the idol industry, actually needs and supports/chooses to not see and address stalker fans. staff have been caught selling info about idols which companies benefit from because it generates attention. entertainment companies are businesses, after all. their priority is profit and the products are the idols themselves. idols are constantly encouraged to sell parasocial intimacy, which relies on taking advantage of especially women and girls’ emotional and mental states and labor and attention as fans, and companies only benefit from more and more deeply parasocial fans-- the most reliable consumers. I truly do wish idols could be not idols but rather people who happen to be performers, dancers, musicians.
- he was likely afraid of being referred to a mental health professional by his company because he might potentially be put on a hiatus, and he already was probably feeling tight on time. if the Korean comments I read are accurate, he is (rumored) to be enlisting in the military band around the end of this year, 2026. that’s apparently why the (now cancelled) annual fanmeeting was so soon after the previous. we know that often, military hiatuses are dreaded by idol groups because the idol industry feeds on people’s constant attention, and if a group cannot sustain the attention of their fans, there are plenty more groups to take their place.
- if he grew up anything like the Korean Christian guys I know, I also know that therapy or counseling not only would be seen as a challenge to his masculinity but also to his spirituality, especially for someone who is so religiously sincere the way Gunil seems. there would likely have been people around him who would say that he needs to pray more and harder, that his faith in God is weak and simply needs to be strengthened, he just needs to entrust his worries to God, he can’t trust those secular psych doctors, etc.
- he has named this himself, but there is a particular level of pride and responsibility that is expected of eldests in Korean settings. and if he has been talking shit about his members, he likely did not feel his younger bros were reliable people to share things with (which is still not a good way to view and talk about your members). the age dynamic and potential judgement and distrust of his members, combined with the terrible, rigid gender norms that were likely reinforced by men around him saying things like “guys don’t share stuff like that,” “we don’t really talk about those things,” means that he probably did genuinely, as he said in his Bubble message, not feel he could open up to those around him.
once again, though, I’m not into apologetics. I can understand and recognize all these things, and that makes me all the more devastated that Gunil did what he did. rather than romantic partner-turned-therapist, he needed genuine community. rather than dehumanize entire groups of people and use a person (or multiple women, per the cheating) for emotional catharsis and dumping because of his own dehumanization in the industry, I wish he redirected his anger at the actual systems responsible for his pain. I wish he was willing to put down his pride, because that is actually sometimes the strongest thing you can do. I wish he sought real mental and emotional care because if he found that opening up to a stranger who did not know him well was easier, it sounds like he was experiencing immense pressure to keep up a particular image. I also wish he thought to curse more creatively, because in addition to being terrible and violent, slurs are such cop outs. I’m no saint, and I think learning to curse effectively is a great skill! there are so many more interesting and colorful things he could have said, especially because Korean curses can be particularly innovative (if you know anything about curses in the Jeolla-do region, you know this is true!). calling someone’s behavior out (ex. the way they acted was unholier than satan’s asscrack) does not require an attack on their personhood. words mean stuff, and actions have consequences.
being seen as a product and not a person is deeply painful, but the fact that Gunil reproduced that violence right back towards people in more vulnerable and less powerful positions than him was a cowardly and terrible thing to do. there’s a phrase in Korean— 강약약강, meaning those who are strong to the weak but weak to the strong. those who are good to those in power but bad to those who are more vulnerable. I do not think he’s always been this way, but socialization is mighty powerful— I saw a Korean comment that said education at home, JYP’s character education, living in society is all pointless because it gets ruined in 2 months by guy friends, and I agree because I’ve seen it happen. and that is why I am especially concerned for him. I am not concerned for his future, as he is talented, sincere, and passionate-- that I do not deny. this does not negate his wrongdoings. talent is not exclusive to people of particular ethics, and the world loves to forgive talented, powerful guys.
what I am concerned with is that Gunil seems to have been and is falling down a deep, harsh pit that gets more and more difficult to escape from. and that pit can only lead to more pain and violence.
this does not surprise me, because not only have people pointed out the continued descent of Korean guys into RP/RW ideologies, but I find that this is especially true for Korean Christian guys who double down on misogyny not just through Korean Confucianism but also through Christian theology and care not for the world we currently live in because why care when heaven awaits! (/s)
it is deeply concerning, and I do not have faith that people around Gunil will help him unlearn these things/escape and work to destroy the pit, likely because they themselves see no problem with being in the pit/are in the pit themselves. once again, ironically, his isolating and difficult experiences of stalking, of being turned into a marketable product, of being unable to find people to open up to in honesty and sincerity-- these could be addressed by working hard to dismantle and destroy the instrument of patriarchy. so long as people play the music of misogyny, they will continue to hurt others and themselves and not only stay stuck in the pit but pull others in too.
ideally, there would be a chance for Gunil’s rehabilitation and accountability. there are parts in his Bubble letter that seem genuinely sorry and sincere, and other parts that feel like self-justification and selfishness. there are parts that take accountability and parts that do not. I do not dismiss his letter as all excuses, but I also do not think it is a shining beacon of accountability-- we hold multiple truths at once. as he has said though, there are no more (public) opportunities for him to prove otherwise or rebuild the trust he has broken.
now, the Korean military is not really what we think of when we think of the best places to unlearn misogyny… still, I am genuinely hoping that if the rumors are true and Gunil enlists in the military band this year that he takes the time to reflect and unlearn and change away from the public eye. true change is painful, long, non-linear, and happens even when no one is there to see it and reward it. I also hope that he meets and makes genuine relationships in which he can be respectful and vulnerable (not 강약약강 but 강강약약), and I hope he builds community with people who do not reinforce and encourage and let alone his misogyny and other violences, people who will hold him actively accountable because they know care is not just allowing the person to get away with everything but challenging them to grow. (I secretly, delusionally wonder if the Seventeen members enlisting might be in his life! I do not think SVT is free of issues and above critique, and I will say I have been very surprised by how healthy their relationships- towards each other, other people of diverse backgrounds, themselves, their identities- seem.) I hope he does not take the easy, wrong way out— I hope he does not blame A or women in general for ruining his life and instead recognizes that it is his own actions that have led him to this point. if he, as he has written, is truly pained and in turmoil because he has caused harm to those around him, as he says in the Bubble letter, only time will tell if anything actionable comes of those feelings.
this post is already incredibly long, so I think I’ll post the open letter separately, if at all 🥹after this, I’m done with K-pop. of course, I read and pay attention to Korean news in general and will probably see it in that way, but this is it for me; I will remember and appreciate the incredible songs Xdinary Heroes have created, the incredible people I’ve appreciated while lurking in this subreddit, and I do believe Gunil when he speaks straightforwardly about his sincerity and care towards the team, the music. I put more trust in him than I realized, and my heart is heavy and weary. I also was strongly reminded that the reality is that Gunil is not the exception to the rule but the norm. I know there are many other people in K-pop who think and talk and in ways I fundamentally, ethically disagree with, they just haven’t been publicly caught. and I am not willing to compromise my values for the temporary enjoyment that they may provide. it devastates me because I really do love Xdiz‘s music.
if you’ve stuck around to the end of this long post, thank you so so much for engaging with all my thoughts and feelings and perspective. I really hope you all are eating comforting and hearty meals, sleeping deeply where and if possible— our world is already collapsing, and I do not want you to collapse too! and thank you so much to the mods. I imagine you all have been doing overtime with the uptick in our activity in this subreddit— I hope you all can get some rest if and where possible too. 🖤