u/Plus_Spot_9297Magyar

Hi everyone. I've fairly recently figured out I was a trans woman, and my dysphoria since then has unfortunately gotten worse, particularly in my face. I'm not really able to transition unfortunately due to my circumstances (though thankfully that should be changing in a few months; I currently live with homophobic/transphobic parents).

I keep having thoughts that I'll never be a real woman without FFS, just a man trying to poorly imitate what a "real" woman looks like, or that it's gay for a man to be attracted to me when he sees my forehead/upper face (which frustrates me because it makes me hard to feel like I'm able to date, or that I'll just never find love period), or that I'm going to need to always cover my forehead with something unless I get FFS or else I'll be instantly clockable. It may have to do with my OCD, since often it can cause depression for me, and that can also fuck with my perception of myself and make my gender dysphoria worse.

I don't know how to deal with this and I'm honestly tired of it. This shit sucks. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

Hi everyone :) So I fairly recently have discovered that I am a straight trans woman. I have been out to this one friend I have had as a gay guy for a couple years. I recently told her that I think I'm a trans woman, and the reaction she gave me implied to me that she was fine with it.

For context, it's a long distance friendship, so we pretty always talk online when she's online, which has been pretty seldem. She is very Christian and her political beliefs have gotten worse and worse the more time she spends in this very very conservative Christian community. One of the people she has befriended is literally a neo-Nazi who says we should stone gay people to death (or at least imply it), that black people are murderous, and that Jewish people control the world and that the motivations behind the Holocaust were ultimately valid. Most people are a bit less radical then this but it is just softened versions of most of that stuff.

Anyway, last night I was talking to her about an experience of transphobia with a friend of a friend, and I said that I don't think that if you are going to be hoping that there are less gay and trans people in the long run because it's sinful, you shouldn't be in queer spaces, which... I feel like is a pretty normal take?

So I got a message from her in response to that saying she was going to talking about that, and that she had been praying for a long time and didn't have the right words to explain how she felt. She then said, (I'm paraphrasing,) "So before I start I just wanted to say that I love and support you so fiercely, even when we disagree. You were designed in God's image as a man, not as a woman, and I am so strongly convinced that there is so much sin pulling you astray." And then talked about how I'm "sick", and that it wasn't just "the trans thing", but also my OCD (which has caused me a lot of mental breakdowns and spirals) and talked about how Jesus has the power to "heal" my OCD (I have autism, ADHD and OCD), and that ADHD and autism too are also worsened by spiritual warfare.

I was pretty upset at her for that, and I told her that I would respond later, but she told me I didn't have to, but I needed to let her know that I wasn't having it. And so I typed out a very long message in response that basically explained that I didn't know what she wanted me to do, like did she want me to just not transition? And I told her about my gender dysphoria and experiences with that, and that I didn't appreciate her telling me that God can just rewire my brain but chose not to because I'm pulled astray or whatever.

So she responded later today and basically flip-flopped completely the other way, and was extremely apologetic, and talked about how she didn't get her point across and that she didn't properly communicate, and that she was trying to tell me that she was just concerned that I would regret it since it was so sudden and that she thinks I should pray and strongly question myself so I won't regret it, and that it sounds like I have and that she will always support me 100% as a woman, even if she has different values.

Yeah I really don't know what to make of it. I'd be inclined to believe her if it was a situation of her saying "Are you sure? Lots of trans people regret their transitions" or something, but she literally called me a man and when she got pushback from me about it she said "I just was saying that you should pray about it". I really don't want to end the friendship, but I just feel so... Gross after the interaction. And I feel kind of bad about sending such an intense message, but damn, I don't believe her when she says she supports me after she said that Jesus loves me so much and I haven't been healed of my OCD because of me being pull astray. She has since asked what my pronouns were and if I was changing my name. I don't want to end the friendship, but I also feel like shit just thinking about the situation. Any feedback would be appreciated because I feel shitty after that and I'm pretty fed up with dealing with stuff like this. :/