Ive lost everything
My wife of 15 years asked for a divorce late last year and it completely blindsided me. We have young kids and what has followed has been the hardest period of my life.
To be fair, I was not a perfect husband. Earlier in our lives we partied too much and I struggled with addiction issues and later gambling/financial issues that damaged trust in the marriage. I have taken responsibility for a lot of that and I understand why she became resentful over time. At the same time, I always worked, was very involved with the kids, and truly loved my family deeply.
The divorce has become extremely hostile. There are accusations being thrown around about addiction, alcohol, emotional abuse, financial irresponsibility, etc., and I honestly feel like my entire identity has been rewritten into “the bad guy.” Some of the criticism is fair. Some of it feels exaggerated or untrue. Either way, it has been devastating.
I’m now living alone, doing Soberlink, dealing with parenting schedules, financial stress, and the emotional reality that my wife is moving on while I still feel attached to the family and the life we built. I’m struggling badly with loneliness, shame, jealousy, and grief. The thought of her dating someone else has honestly broken me emotionally more than I expected.
I think what hurts most is feeling like I lost not just my marriage, but my best friend, my daily life with my kids, and a version of myself I thought would exist forever.
I’m not posting this for pity. I know I made mistakes. I think I’m just looking for perspective from other dads who have gone through a high-conflict divorce while still deeply loving their spouse and family.
Does this feeling eventually calm down? How did you survive the early stages without losing yourself?