AITAH for Offering to Restart a Friendship after a Decade Hiatus That I Initiated?
We are both now 33m, but I am gay and he is straight. He is large and I am lanky. He has 2 brothers and I have 2 sisters.
Consider this a plutonic "I Will Always Love You" story with unfortunate political undertones.
We go back to childhood 25+ years ago, knowing each other since 3rd grade and even in the same classroom on 9/11. Our friendship was rooted in an allegiance because bullying was directed at both of us. And when I came out to him at 15, he was like "Oh, ok" and wanted to remain friends. People loved the friendship we had, and we loved each other like brothers.
Now here's where the dynamics get more bleak. During our friendship, there were times I felt a strong disapproval from him when I would express my feminine side (the way I would laugh with my girl friends, the way he sometimes mocked my mannerisms, and him taking issue when I considered using makeup). But I never let that come to the foreground of my thoughts.
Then it all collapsed in 2016 with the leadup to the election. Both of us were strong Bernie Sanders supporters, but we had a fundamental difference of opinion about Hillary Clinton. I had some issues with her but I felt it was most important for me to support her and prevent Trump from winning. I KNEW he was a malicious fascist even back then, but he dismissed my concerns and spent his time attacking Hillary to the point where he would say very gross things about her and very condescending things to me for supporting her (even though he knew Bernie was my preferred choice). About a week before the election, I was so deeply distressed about the future's uncertainty that told him if Trump won, he wouldn't see me anymore.
After the election, I kept my word. I knew things going forward were going to be difficult, and that I would be emotionally better off going no contact even if I knew I would miss him. I wanted no more of his condescension and felt that if we no longer talked, he would maybe realize that he was wrong to have talked to me the way he did and some day apologize for it. The lingering texts from that time would be what he had to reflect on, and those speak for themselves.
Fast forward to this past year, when a mutual friend of ours got engaged and asked us both to be in his wedding party. Knowing we would see each other, I wrote him a letter in February explaining how sorry I was that my no contact hurt him and that I was open to us starting a new chapter of friendship that built off the good parts. I felt the wedding was a good opportunity, along with the near decade that passed.
When we saw each other for the wedding, it was a mix of emotions for us both but we kept our composure and engaged in more surface-level conversation (no politics, no re-living 2016) for the whole thing. He did confirm he got my letter and that he appreciated it, and then we asked about each others families. Again, mostly surface-level catching up because we don't live in the same part of the country.
He walked out during the middle of my speech at the reception, and I took that as him maybe being emotionally overwhelmed. Later, I asked him where he was at in terms of my content of the letter, and he said that his priority was the happy couple (for which we were in total agreement) but that I missed a decade of his life and he hasn't really landed on where he is at. I said I understood, and that I was genuine in my letter and that the door remains open.
I do not know if he will reach back out to me and my gut tells me he won't.
I have sisters and I myself am gay - I don't blame him for the erosion of our liberties now, but I was hurt he didn't show allegiance at the time when I really needed that from him. Without even receiving an apology for that, I have forgiven him. I just don't know if he has forgiven me.
AITAH after all this?