I don't want to be pathetically slow anymore. I want to know if there's anyway to be coached on overcoming this executive dysfunction and actually do well in life. (vent)
My friends have already graduated college recently, while I am still stuck, delayed by my own incompetence. No matter how much I put effort in improving each aspects that I am lacking, I still end up pathetically slow, unable to keep the pace with others. Even as I am currently undergoing CBT and visit my psychiatrist and therapist, taking ritalin and applying the skills they have taught me, the results just aren't there. I still end up getting distracted by each detail and get derailed by my own even after shutting almost every social media and avoiding doomscrolling as much as I can. It still feels like hell getting up and trying to start something, anything even as much as doing simple chores feels like a hurdle. I still couldn't focus through class. I make careless mistakes so very often no matter how many times I've been exposed to that subject. I am often caught by other people as "lutang" and often times just stare into nothingness even as they talk to me.
And no matter how many times I try to bring this up to my therapist, no matter how much we try to deconstruct and challenge these "automatic thoughts", these cognitive distortions, it did minimal if not nothing to actually address the core symptoms im currently experiencing and suffering from. There is a limit to how much I can will myself into trying to overcome these situations. In the end I always end up getting overwhelmed and go back to my old destructive habits. I keep trying and trying, trying to claw my way out of this godforsaken hole I've made. But the results are just aren't there. I am running out of ideas on how to actually fix my life.
I don't know if it's hope or just plain stubbornness, but I still want to keep trying to fix my life. My therapist said to me that I'll have to eventually get used to this action of just sitting down and actually do what I need to do, but I want them to actually give me specific instructions and drill into my head on developing mental resiliency and actually deal with the problems my ADHD brings. I am planning to change therapist now but I don't know what program is specifically going to help me. I know I need actual training like tutors but instead of specific subject, its to train my mental performance and executive function directly. Is there anyway I can find these here in the philippines?