u/Pool-Naive

Hi there, as the title describes, my best friend is diagnosed with BPD and I’m really struggling to be supportive while also withstanding the immense emotional reactions she has. Our latest argument was when I criticized a dark romance book she loves, and I told her I thought it romanticized abuse. I told her she can enjoy the book all she wants and that my opinions and criticisms on it will never change how I feel about her as my friend and I support her regardless of our different opinion.

Every reassurance that my assessment is absolutely not a personal attack is met with defensiveness, that I’m judging her, or that she “didn’t ask” for mine or anyone else’s opinion. My biggest concern with our friendship is that she cannot take any sort of criticism or opinion that doesn’t align exactly with hers. “Agree to disagree” is a foreign concept, and any perspective that deviates from her own is a personal attack.

It’s very hard to be friends with someone who thinks this way, and does not allow me to express my own beliefs, and I must stay silent and nod my head. I feel less like a friend with valued ideas that are worth sharing, and more like an audience or that I have to be her cheerleader. I believe friendships build connection through the exchange of experiences and perspectives. Friends don’t necessarily need to agree on everything. But with her, expressing a simple opinion becomes walking on eggshells.

Im not trying to bash her because I understand that this black and white thinking and hyper sensitivity is a symptom of her BPD. I simply am at a loss on how to proceed, or if this friendship is worth keeping for my own emotional stability.

I suffer with several mental disorders myself and know how difficult and painful they are to manage. And I’ve taken the step to search for and receive help. I don’t know how I can guide my friend in this direction, and advise her to seek professional help without her turning it into another personal attack or threat of rejection. I don’t even know if I should take action, or if this is outside of my responsibility altogether. I love her dearly and only want the best for her, but I don’t know if I have the emotional capacity for this anymore. I don’t want to abandon her, but I also need to protect my own quality of life… I’m at my wits end. Please, if you have any advice or suggestions I could really benefit from anything right now. Thank you

To start off, I lost my childhood cat today. And the grief is overwhelming, but that’s not why I’m here. I’m relating this experience to one I had about a year ago, when my sweet orange tabby passed away over the summer while I was out of the country. I only found out when I returned home, and my parents broke the painful news. I was devastated and desperately wished to see a sign that my baby was okay.

Well only a few nights after, I had a dream that my orange baby was there, in my very own bed that he used to sleep alongside me for so many years. It was a beautiful sunny morning, and he was butting his head against me as he so often did to wake me up. I held him close to me and it felt so very real, his warmth, his soft fur, his soft rhythmic breathing. It was so vividly real. I woke up for real not too long after, on a sunny morning, and the only difference was my cat was absent.

To me, there’s no coincidence, and that had to have been him checking on me and telling me he was safe and okay. With my other cat’s passing today, I pray that I receive a similar kind of visit.

I want to know if anyone has experienced something similar from a passed loved one, and what you believe this kind of experience means. I’m usually a pretty skeptical person with doubts about spiritual encounters, but this may have shifted my perspective. But I want to hear other people’s thoughts, opinions and interpretations both of my cat’s visit as well as your own.