Passive Aggressive Employee Can't Accept Feedback
I manage a small team of customer service employees. We sit close together in an office with an open floor plan, so any "bad" behaviors are difficult to ignore.
I have one employee who is really great at so much of their job. They are a fast learner and take on responsibilities with very little prompting, and they have a pretty big workload with no complaints. However, they can be extremely passive aggressive, and do not have the capacity for feedback. Even if I am not asking for feedback, just requesting more information on how a process is handled, I am met with defensiveness, cranky mumbling, and one-word answers. It is like pulling teeth. Sometimes I will get the silent treatment for days or weeks after making minor suggestions. Sometimes there is just loud passive-aggressive humming, and loud typing. Then to prove their point, they will go be very friendly with other employees in the building, I guess so I can see how not friendly they're being with me. At no point do they stop doing their job, but they make it clear that I'm on their bad list. And, for what it's worth, I'm very open with my employees and allow them to push back if they think my idea is bad.
I'm literally the person in charge of communication between our clients and all departments of our company, so my understanding and knowledge of processes is critical. And, I'm slow to offer criticism on how my employees do things, because I acknowledge that my employees are the ones handling things on a day-to-day basis, and are the ones that are in the weeds, so to speak. No one likes a manager that comes in and changes things for the sake of change, and I try not to give my people any cause to be defensive with me. We all just want to do our jobs and go home.
It's exhausting. Due to our seating arrangement, it's always noticed by other team members (they mention it to me) and it stresses all of us out. Most of us have worked together for a long time, and we're a low drama group of people. To further make it weird, when I'm on their good side, they bring me little gifts, cards for my life events, etc (none of which I expect from any of my employees!) It's like a bizaare, slightly emotionally abusive relationship.
I've raised kids, and my take has always been to just ignore the bad behavior when it happens, since it is so obviously for attention, but it's been a few years and I'm honestly just tired of it. Just because I am not reacting does not mean it doesn't bother me, and it's creating undue stress that I don't want to have. I wish I could just not care, but I can't, and it's becoming very stressful. And, since they aren't doing anything that's actually "bad", I don't even think I have grounds to say anything.
Help me. Maybe I'm just too sensitive to be a manager. But I am tired and out of patience.