r/askmanagers

Do managers care about sick days if your actually literally sick. I have a stomach infection (hpylori) and am on some aggressive antibiotics I gave my manager a heads up that I may feel like trash this week cause of it. And long story short I been feeling rlly shitty. I am mandated In office 4 days a week and asked to work from home last week Thursday on a in office day then today I called in sick and I want to call in sick tomorrow. My manager responds and says like get better but his responses seem to get more dry and I’m not lying but I feel guilty and that he may not understand but I know that I feel like the worst I’ve ever felt physically and can’t bring myself to work.

My coworker had some derogatory things said to her (in a different language that I don't fully understand but I know enough that they were not kind words), me and another coworker l don't know how to report this without making too many waves. My coworker asked for help with a couple of customers who weren't happy with the price of what we sell (I will not name our business name for liability reasons). I told them we do not price match certain items and they were upset and used the same terminology to me. Then they went out to the yard to return said items and acted the same to where my coworker stated he knew they were talking about him. I am not sure of the proper steps to report this. One of my friends said to have the first offended person write a statement regarding the situation first and then write my own statement. I feel like being a lead I need to take initiative. Am I wrong? What do I do to protect my fellow employees? My friend said if I report this first I am playing the hero card (trying to save someone before they need saving). I do not feel that way. Any help would be helpful.

I’m lucky enough that I’ve never had to let anyone go before. I pride myself on my team building skills, and make a point to hire driven people. 5 weeks ago one of my higher ups hired someone for my department distantly related to them. This new hire is top tier nightmare material. I have witness reports of this employee doing the most out of pocket stuff, that would surely go viral on here but I don’t have the time to type it all out.
My branch is teeny tiny. I have less than 15 employees and it’s an open floor plan, with little to no privacy (to the point where I do my interviews and meetings at a separate location). Tomorrow morning I need to fire the employee, because my entire team has gone on strike and refuses to work with them (valid).
I have no security, no hr, and no private way to let go of a very explosive individual who is larger to me in size and double the audacity. I’ve asked my peers for advice and they said to rip the bandaid off, but none of them have seen this employee get genuinely upset. Is it over the top to want to ask the non emergency line if there’s an available officer to be on standby? Is that even an option? It’s also important to note that I am very small looking, so It’s very hard to get rude people to take me seriously. And since this employee has connections, they think they can get away with a lot (and they kind of have). Ive had nothing but sunshine and rainbows as employees so im kind of out of my element when something goes wrong (sorry for any managers that don’t get such luxury lol). Any advice is useful, but especially from managers of smaller stature with big responsibility:)

I'm asking as someone with autism.

I can function well, but I'm terrible at playing the corporate game. I can socialize and mask well, but sometimes it slips and I'm sure people can tell something is wrong with me. When it comes to something I'm passionate about, I tend to ramble or over explain.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm bad at bending the knee so to speak.

My last job, I had a new team lead and I was suffering a migraine one day. I was told I needed approval in order to leave. I tried putting up with it but it affected my appointment with a client. I figured it'd be a terrible idea to keep going. I texted my boss asking for approval to leave. He didn't respond.

Next day, he said he was marking it unexcused because he didn't give his approval. I told him "Fine, mark it unexcused but I'm not putting my job above my health"

And if there's a lot of loud noises i.e. young children yelling, I struggle a lot and kinda turn into a zombie robot that can't manage small talk.

I'll be working in either research or in finance once I complete my second degree.

What would cause you to reject a candidate with autism? What can I do better?

In interviews, I've had rehearsed answers because, well, I learned that I need to have them prepared or else I will not be able to do well.

EDIT: Should clarify that I'm unemployed now. I'm heading back to school for a second degree but I'm asking now since I do wanna find some part time work.

I'm 57 months clean from drugs and looking to return to IT after a 8 year absence due to addiction and recovery. I have a bachelor's degree in IT with a 3.9 gpa and 7 months of desktop support experience from 2018. I have a clean criminal record. I plan to put full-time caretaker on my resume to cover the gap. I'm going to get an entry level desktop support job

This dude has a fake associate IT degree from a shitty online degree mill with a 2.0 gpa and had no experience when he got a helpdesk job. I cut him off years ago because he borrowed 600 and took 4 years to pay it back after saying it would only take a month. He says I'm not worthy of IT because I used to use drugs and that I can never reach my goals of system admin and IT manager. He claims he is morally superior because he never used profanity or had drugs or a drop of alcohol. What should I do? does his word hold any weight? does he have the right to say who can go into IT? I'm so upset

Mine is simple: Being good at your job is only 30% of the battle. The other 70% is managing visibility and optics. You can be the hardest worker in the room, but if the right people don't see you doing it, or if you don't play the social game, you'll get passed over by someone who does half the work but talks twice as much.

​What’s a harsh truth about navigating the professional world that you had to learn the hard way?

I work in a creative/brand team. I was hired directly by the VP, and about a month after I joined, a colleague was promoted to Brand Director and became my manager. This was not explained when I was hired, and the operating model has felt unclear ever since.
The whole team is based in one country, while my manager works remotely from another. I know remote management can work, but in this case it seems to add distance and make the flow less direct.
In practice, the VP, agencies, and other teams often come directly to me for creative direction, reviews, storyboards, urgent feedback, and strategic work. On several major projects, I have managed the creative side independently and the work has been well received.
The issue is that my manager seems to manage me differently from other people in the team.
When she receives requests, she often keeps me off the original thread, forwards the task separately, replies to stakeholders herself, and remains the gatekeeper between me and the people I need to work with. She decides who I speak to and when.
But when the VP or other teams contact me directly, she wants to know who contacted me, asks to be copied, or wants to be added after the work has already started. She does not seem to apply this consistently to other colleagues.
There are two recent examples:

Example 01: An internal presentation was shared with me because the VP had asked someone to get my quick review. I had already provided feedback when my manager told me that the VP was apparently not expecting me to review it. When I said I had already seen it, she asked who had sent it to me. After learning that the VP had asked for my review, she joked that he had probably “spaced out” when she had asked him.

Example 02: On a separate project, the VP asked me to put her in the loop and show her the current progress and my comments. I asked him whether he wanted to transfer the feedback to the agency himself or wanted me to reply directly. He told me to reply directly, so I did and copied her.

The VP also does not naturally include her on every major project or event. (he does the same thinh with other directors within his team).
Sometimes she hears about a project through contacts in other departments, raises a concern around a small point, and then becomes part of the thread. I understand managers need visibility, but it feels like a repeated pattern: the work is already moving, she enters late, gives limited feedback, and then becomes associated with the outcome.

There is also a workload issue. Another designer is meant to support me, but my manager has assigned him to execute presentation work instead. That work is moving slowly, and the VP has started asking about delays. From where I sit, unclear ownership, too many handoffs, and gatekeeping are making things less efficient.

Our company is currently pushing simpler processes and fewer unnecessary approval layers. At the same time, our CCO has just left, there is an interim setup, and a new CCO may join later.
So the whole function feels politically and structurally ambiguous.

How would you interpret this? Is this normal manager visibility, or does it sound like someone trying to control access and claim visibility around work they are not actually leading?

First of all, I moved from a different province to another province somewhere in the north for a job with extra 40k difference. Upon resuming, I was to share an office space with someone in a different department.) I though it was cool since l’m new and someone to show me things for the first weeks: but she creeps me out,
Coffee time: she sees me going for coffee, she wants to tag along, my work meetings are confidential but she eavesdrops and asks me later, I try to act deaf but she comes closer asking who was that, etc sometimes I just touch d surface and ignore the rest. She goes through my desk, seen my paper on her desk onetime. She discuss things she hears from me during meeting or on call with other persons in different unit during their outings. She plays music in the office ( not too loud) but my job involves calculations and sometimes I start talking to myself to numb the music in my brain. Her job can be busy but this past few days, it’s been quiet, so she sleeps and snore and fart (I don’t mind the fart, it’s nature) but she likes the door closed, but this is work time, I hate people have to knock to come in to talk to me, all in all she is a hard worker and a good performer but I don’t know how to bring this up without confrontation. I don’t want to breed toxic environment. The weirdest shit that happened this afternoon, I needed to finish work but it was already pass my closing time and she was leaving, she kept saying things like u need to leave, u don’t get paid for all this. Saying it so loud that other persons will assume l’m speaking against management.

Im a tech lead at an engineering firm, not a manager.

My job has us do goal setting. I'm trying to think of something that I could work on as a side project, so at the end of the year I could say I improved my leadership skills by accomplishing X, Y and Z

Thoughts?

Hi all, going through a little bit of a dilemma and I could do with an outside opinion on this. I was recently diagnosed with Autism, but I'm unsure as to whether to diagnose this to my manager or not. I am only at this job fora fixed term contract of a year due to covering a member of staff on maternity leave.

This job has tended to suit me a little better than my previous job e.g more routine (there's some unpredictability but the predictability keeps me grounded); able to take my lunch in a quiet room. I tend to have some earplugs on me, which I tend to use when the noise gets a bit of a struggle to handle.

I'm just not sure if it would be better to say I found out about this, this is what I'll use sometimes but I'm currently getting support through my GP.

How would be the correct way to approach it? Or should I just stay quiet?

I’ve been dealing with an extremely difficult manager for the past 3 years. No one else can work with them so they put me with her since she likes me (because I’ve learned to play her games and not rock the boat). It’s started to affect my physical health (mental health crashed a long time ago) so my doctor is ready to sign leave forms for up to 6 weeks paid by my employer.

The thing is that they recently brought back an ex employee to turn my department around. They are a legend in the industry and constantly head hunted and so far they really are amazing in how they have treated me. We met and they are aware of my situation, they are motivated to keep me and promised they will try but that it may take some time. The c suite is also motivated and say I have a stellar rep and they want to keep me as well. Unfortunately though, they are still reorganizing at the top level and redefining their own roles before they can create a new role for me or change things up.

I can’t take anymore of this so I’m tempted to quit, remain on good terms and keep the door open when they are ready. This would be to hit the reset button on my life, recover from this borderline narc manager, and then do some side gigs (already have opportunities ready). I have to get away from this manager asap.

The alternative is to go on medical leave. I’m worried about doing this as I’d be leaving my manager with my workload during high season, and I don’t want that to reflect poorly on me (even though she created her own mess). And I refuse to come back and do the same job underneath her, so if that doesn’t change I’d be quitting at the end and that wouldn’t look good either.

TLDR: I’m looking for advice on making a clean break but leaving the door open OR going on medical leave for 6 weeks while they HOPEFULLY get things together and approve a new role or transfer but risking my reputation in the process by leaving during busy season.

I developed glossophobia back in late high school and college. After that I landed a pretty easy lab job and haven't had to present anything since I started working there. I used to be socially anxious in general, but that's faded a lot over time, I'd actually call myself extroverted now. I've got a big promotion coming up soon, and I'm starting to get that same dread I used to feel in college whenever a presentation was coming up.

I honestly have no idea how I'd handle speaking or presenting in front of a large group again. It feels crazy that I'm 40 and still carrying this around, especially since I haven't had to present since college. I'm not even sure if the fear is actually still there or if I'm just dreading it because it's been so long and I don't know what else to expect.

Back in college it was really bad, failing classes bad, freezing up completely during presentations bad. I do fine socially now, but just thinking about a big presentation coming up still makes me nauseous and anxious. Curious if anyone else in their 30s or 40s is still dealing with this.

Hi Everyone, I need some advice.

I run a company with only one employee. We are similar and age and their position is not significantly beneath mine.

In general, I'm beginning to realize that my employee will often not think through all of the context of something before suggesting that we do it. For example, we need to send in some governmental documents, which have extensive application processes, and they sent me a page full of details that they had not double checked to make sure they were correct. That would be fine, as that's the kind of mistake I've definitely made before, but rather than it being something that they see as a mistake, I think it's just generally how they approach work.

Another example, today they mentioned to me that we should "build the website more," but with no further explanation on why, with what information, for what reason, etc. Of course, I then follow up in all of these instances asking these questions, but I worry that my questions aren't reaching them with the message of please have all of this in mind before suggesting something, but instead feels a bit like I'm questioning them.

I think that one of the things contributing to this is that we are in a two-person company, and when you work, you normally collaborate with your coworkers. But, I'm getting very tired of having to double check their work or reasoning on every single thing we talk about. I do not get the sense that they spend any time thinking to themselves about the things that they work on or suggest before turning to me to announce them.

Is there a productive way I can encourage them to take a moment and think things through before coming to me? I don't want it to feel like I'm putting them down or scolding them, especially over something so small.

Is it weird or acceptable to hire a mentor? Like meet 2 x's a month.

Applying for a job. Hoping and praying I get an interview. But, I realize I don't meet all of the requirements because I'm coming from an outside industry.

To make sure I succeed, I want to hire a mentor that is in a similar role but a VERY different state/company so still removed from my company.

Thoughts?

So I’ve got a bit of a weird one and I’d love some outside perspective.

I’ve put together a solution to a major issue where I work. Low cost, effective, a little outside the box, and exactly what we need. It’s fully written out, backed with data, implementation plan and everything. All it needs is to be pitched and it’ll probably get green lighted pretty fast.

Here’s the kicker though. I love my job, I’m good at it, I make good money and I’m genuinely happy where I’m at. For years there’s been pressure on me to move up but honestly I don’t see a lot of good reasons to! Everyone above me is miserable and they don’t make that much more than I do. I’m not naive enough to think I’d do it any better than them either. But because I haven’t moved up it’s bred a little resentment, some gossip, the occasional inconsideration. Not enough to really bother me but enough that I notice it. So delivering this idea would basically be a social win for me. A boost I could use but definitely don’t need. It might even reignite the push to promote me, which again, I do not want.

Now here’s the other side. There’s a guy I work with who is crazy smart, great work ethic, and hungry! He wants to move up and honestly he should. He’s the right person for it. If HE delivered this idea he’s a shoe in for a promotion he’s currently going for.

So I’m torn. If I pitch it myself, my only real reasons are pride and buying stock in a ladder I don’t even believe in. If I give it to him, it changes his career. But part of me wonders if I’m overthinking it, or if handing it off is somehow dishonest, or if I’d regret it later.

What would you do? Is there something I’m not seeing here?

TL;DR I have a ready to pitch solution to a big problem at work. Pitching it myself would only boost my social standing, which I don’t really need or want. A talented coworker who’s gunning for a promotion could deliver it instead and it would basically lock it in for him. Do I keep it or give it away?

In another post, I posted my manager placing me on a PIP. He is new, and in my first assignment for him, the first progress report went fairly well, then the second one did not go so well, but he never gave me a warning or asked to speak to me afterwards. I proactively messaged him, after he removed me from
the project in front of the team.

When I emailed him, I made every effort to understand what he wanted,but kept it vague and said it was significantly below the level of how one reports a project to their manager. My past experience before data analytics was a project manager and I have lead and managed international projects (building a new warehouse in Canada).

He gives no feedback, or a full example of what he wants. To me, it sounds like he wanted a reason to let me go and he found it. Am I right or am
I missing something?

we hired a FE developer last year and she is super toxic to say the least, in christmas party she talk negatively to people in the party about me, this year me (backend dev) and a senior backend dev worked with her on a simple project and every week she kept blaming us for the delay, even on the first meeting of the project she started micromanage our work and that led us to be frustrated and be less performant in the project and get slower.

she tagged people on slack to help me with something i'm not even working on, some colleague corrected her and btw she was talking that i don't know how to work and make a terrible job in private before writing publicly to others that i need help.

she started blaming backend for being the blocker of the project publicly when we started doing some progress.

she talks all the time in a passive aggressive way.

i have talked to my manager about it but because he wants me gone from the company, he said that i'm the problem in front of her without giving any details. i reported him for discrimination against my disability and racist and genocide comments (everything is very well documented).

i have requested a team change from the CTO and he said it's doable.

the issue is the new team lead thinks that she is "annoying but in a cute way" when i talked to him about her so i'm concerned that she will try to get me in the new team by manipulating the new lead.

whats the best way to deal with this? currently i'm responding to her in a friendly manner and not overreact and keep it professional but i feel like i need to tell the CTO with everything that is happening but would that backfire?

I have a feeling that a direct manager has been talking negatively about me with other managers. I've only ever had a feeling...and the comments of colleagues who say they clearly don't like me (and clients who have very lightly touched on it after seeing interactions). Whenever it's just us, they act like we acted when we used to be friends, including them being emotionally vulnerable.

I don't really want to give a lot of background information, but I seem to get a lot of blame for any mistakes in the department even when it's out of my control or I don't know about it.

They sent a text on Friday to another manager but it went to me. They were lightly criticising my work, but it was so casual, it was like this kind of text is sent all the time. I pointed out the error. They freak out, delete the texts, apologise profusely across a series of text messages, then a emotional letter that they put in my locker outpouring guilt and referencing our friendship. They advised I could speak to upper management about this.

A lot of feelings about this, but mostly just confusion. Help me out:

• this is a normal reaction to an incorrect text
• this is an overreaction to an incorrect text, but nothing to worry about
• this is an overreaction to an incorrect text, but a symptom of a bigger issue
• this person likely talks badly about you and has been caught out

I'd appreciate your thoughts

Edited to add: Definitely human. I haven't used AI for this. I've stripped identifying details from it, and I created a new Reddit account for this so that it is not linked to my real account.

Another edit: I never knew this would attract so many downvotes and I don't know why it is. If you're downvoting because I'm overreacting, please tell me. I'm open to any ideas.

So I was working for this place through an agency for a couple years then they wanted to hire me on. After I started working there my name and title changed so I asked my supervisor if she could change it in the computer and that’s where she figured that I’d probably have a problem with her misspelling my name. So once she started spelling my name wrong I started correcting it on the daily schedule so I showed her that I cared about it. Then I let go and tried to ignore it but she would spell it right then spell it wrong if I called in or something. I finally confronted her and it stopped but then she would do it every blue moon through text so I confronted her again and so now instead of misspelling my name now she leaves off my credentials and does it to no one else. She found my weakness so now I don’t know what to do because I like my job. Should I go to her boss or do you think it will make things worse?

I have been with my company for the past 4.5 years, and until September 2025, things were going well. I genuinely enjoyed my work, my team, and the environment. That changed when I decided to promote one of my team members based on merit.

This team member had consistently demonstrated the capability, knowledge, and leadership needed for the role. Both my manager and I believed he was ready. However, because he had less tenure than others in the batch, several team members felt they deserved the opportunity instead. That's when the politics started.

Some team members accused me of favouring him, even though my decision was based entirely on performance. Before this incident, my manager had never questioned how I worked. We had worked together for four years, and he knew my work ethic, integrity, and how seriously I took my responsibilities.

But once complaints were raised against me, everything changed.

Instead of hearing my side, he accepted what the majority had to say. The trust we had built over the years seemed to disappear overnight. He started making comments about my job security and began treating me differently.

When the complaints were first mentioned, I asked if I could see exactly what had been written about me. My manager told me there were written complaints but said that if I insisted on seeing them, HR would have to get involved and it could negatively affect my performance rating. He also assured me that as long as I didn't pursue it further, the complaints would not affect my appraisal. I trusted him and let it go.

Later, during my appraisal, my rating was marked down anyway. There wasn't even an appraisal discussion. I had no opportunity to understand the reasoning or explain my side. Looking back, I honestly regret trusting my manager.

Around the same time, the team member I had recommended for promotion and I became aware that some people were actively trying to stop his promotion. When I brought this to my manager's attention, he dismissed it, saying that nobody was trying to stop the promotion.

What hurts the most is that my manager knows these people. He has worked directly with all of them and has personally seen the difference in performance between them and the person I recommended. Before all of this happened, he himself wanted to promote this employee and had even suggested that a few of the lower performers should eventually be moved out of the team. That's why his complete change after the complaints has been so difficult for me to understand.

He later expected me to promote one of the employees who had complained against me. I explained that promoting her wouldn't really help either the team or me. She still required constant guidance, and I would have to double-check almost everything she did. Instead of reducing my workload, it would increase it. In the end, not only was the deserving employee's promotion stopped, but my own promotion was put on hold as well.

One incident still stays with me. During our office party, after receiving an award for continuous excellent work, I overheard my manager talking to HR about my demotion. A few days later, while we were working in the office, he casually said, "I need to remove either you or that girl—whoever is the easier target" when the other team members from other teams were just beside us.

That broke me.

After years of putting work before myself, giving extra hours whenever needed, and trying to do the right thing, hearing those words from someone who had worked with me for years was incredibly painful.

What surprises me most is how much this experience has affected me. In over four years with the company, I had never cried at work. Not once. But after the complaints, being portrayed so negatively, and not even being given the opportunity to explain my side, I completely broke down. I even cried in front of my manager, something I never imagined I would do.

I don't cry easily, and I've never used my emotions to gain sympathy. But when people I trusted and genuinely cared about turned against me, it became too much to hold in. What hurt even more was my manager's response. He didn't say anything directly, but his expressions made me feel as though my feelings didn't matter and that I should simply accept it and move on.

Instead of discussing the concerns with me or helping me understand what had changed, he simply started telling me to do things that I had already been doing all along. At that point, I accepted it like a defeated warrior because I felt there was nothing more I could say that would change his mind.

The employee who had openly spoken against me during the office party—telling both old and new colleagues how incompetent I supposedly was—is now suddenly being unusually kind and friendly towards me again. Around the same time, she was also telling people that she would be getting promoted soon.

Over the past several months, I've found myself living in survival mode. I can't focus on my work the way I used to because the politics consume my mind. Even small mistakes scare me now because I'm constantly wondering what action might be taken against me. I live with an ongoing fear of losing my job, despite knowing that people around me have made far more serious mistakes than I ever have.

I hate working like this.

I've reached a point where I no longer feel motivated to give the extra effort I once did. Instead, I'm trying to focus on what I can control. I'm pursuing professional certifications, preparing myself for better opportunities, and trying to seek recommendations and guidance from my senior manager and director to support my professional growth. They are aware that things haven't been going well, and at least my senior manager knows much more about what has actually happened. I'm also planning to have an honest conversation with him.

I genuinely hoped to stay with this company for much longer because the culture I joined was very different from what it has become today.

I know office politics exist everywhere, and I know this won't be the last difficult situation I'll face in my career. I genuinely want to learn how experienced leaders handle situations like these professionally without allowing them to consume them emotionally.

For those of you who have managed teams or led organisations:

• Is there something I could have handled differently?
• How would you deal with a situation like this while still remaining professional?
• How do you protect both your reputation and your mental well-being when you've lost your manager's trust, whether fairly or unfairly?

I'm genuinely open to hearing honest feedback, even if it's difficult to hear. I want to learn and become a better leader from this experience.