u/PositiveArmadillo34

We toured two Montessori schools in South Florida today with our almost 2 year old, and something bad happened at both of them while we were there. Trying to figure out if this is a “2 year olds just aren’t developmentally ready for Montessori yet” thing, or a “these two specific schools have supervision problems” thing.

School 1:

The playground has zero shade and a stretch of elevated concrete right where the grass transitions back to the building. A boy fell while running from the grass to the concrete, busted his lip and forehead, blood all over his face, completely inconsolable—they had to call his mom. When I brought up the lack of shade, the staff member said they only do 30 minutes outside normally, and 15x2 minutes when the sun is “more direct.” It’s Florida. In August. I don’t know how more direct the sun can get.

School 2:

This place has 35 years of history and a director with decades of experience — genuinely seemed lovely otherwise. But a heavy exterior door closed on a little girl’s fingers because the director let go of it and didn’t understand/react to it when the girl started crying. I rushed back to hold the door and pushed it back. The director didn’t react until after I rushed back to the door and caught and pushed it. She let go of the door without looking back at all. The teachers were also all standing there. None of them either notice or at least react. No one made a move before I got to her and even I was not fast enough. It was a very traumatic experience for me, the door was extremely heavy outside door, I don’t know what would’ve happened. But what I noticed is that no one seemed to have an urgency to react until after it would have been far too late.

We visited yet another school briefly yesterday and the pattern that stood out:
The kids in the 3-6 year old rooms looked completely fine—happy, running up to hug the director, waving at us and at my daughter, playing nicely, totally settled. But several of the 2-year-olds did not look ready. One girl started calling out “mommy, mommy” to me and my mom and broke down crying. I think she thought it was time for parents to come back. The director comforted her well, to be fair, hugged her and asked her what she was working on and the kid seemed ready to move on.

So is this just what 2 is like in a Montessori environment (more independence-focused, adults intentionally stepping back) versus 3, when kids can actually handle that independence? Or did I just have really bad luck touring two schools on the same day? Would love to hear from anyone with actual Montessori toddler experience. I had already paid the registration fee for school 2 but I can defer it to next year.

I’m turning 39 and my husband is 42 and we have been doing IVF since 2023. We have one daughter who is 18 months old, conceived through IVF after bilateral tube removal surgery for the IVF to work, but I also have low egg reserve.

We just got our first euploid embryo for baby #2 after 2 retrievals abroad, the same clinic where we had our daughter. We’re planning the transfer soon. If the transfer doesn’t work we will go straight back into couple of more egg retrievals knowing that even a second child might not be in the cards.

Here’s my dilemma.

I have tubal factor and diminished ovarian reserve. We unfortunately cannot leave it up to chance to decide on the third child in the future. If we want any shot at a third child, we need to bank embryos now—not after a second pregnancy and breastfeeding when I’ll be 40-41. Because despite my numbers my egg quality has been good but with age there are no guarantees.

My husband is on the fence about a third. He worries about finances and giving each child enough individual attention. I feel in my heart we are meant to have three children but I respect his hesitation because it’s very valid and you never know what the future will bring. At the same time we are both immigrants and we are living a life beyond our wildest dreams so it feels almost like a shame to not bring kids into this dream life. Also I’m an only child and it was a lonely childhood, which also means no cousins. My daughter has cousins on her dad’s side but they are much older and live 3-hours flight away.

The practical reality of the IVF is somewhat brutal. We do retrievals in Istanbul where we had success. This means staying in hotels for weeks with our toddler. The hotel is genuinely comfortable and she has been a champion traveler. Almost everyone at the hotel has gotten to know her, was talking to her, playing with her, bringing more food than we ordered etc. I think it’s been a nice change for her because at home she just stays home with me. And for the summer time we would be able to visit my parents between egg retrievals where she can swim. So not hotels all throughout. But when we recently took a break and came home, it was heartbreakingly clear how much she had missed her own room, her own space, her routine. She lit up in a way that made me feel guilty for uprooting her.

But during egg retrievals I do injections, going to appointments almost daily, and managing the ups and downs that comes with IVF (the hardest part imho)— all while my husband works remotely on US hours from Istanbul. When we don’t have good news, it’s hard to hide the disappointment from my toddler.

The questions I’m wrestling with:

Did you have a second knowing you wanted a third and bank embryos simultaneously? How did you manage the logistics with a toddler? How did you navigate a partner who wasn’t fully on board with a third? At what point did you decide enough was enough? And for those who chose to stop at two—do you have regrets or did peace come?

I know rationally that two children is a complete and wonderful family. One child is a complete and wonderful family. Before we embarked on IVF even one child was not guaranteed so we are already very lucky. And at the same time I always imagined a big family after my lonely childhood. My husband is 110 percent on board with a second child. It was his dream all along. I think we both have enough love for three but it’s to do right by the ones we would already have that is pausing him. Anyway I will stop rambling. Any and all perspectives are appreciated. Thank you very much for reading.