r/Shouldihaveanother

I keep going back and forth on whether I should have a second child so my first has a lifelong support system. At the same time, it feels strange to want a second child partly for my first child’s happiness, almost as if I’m not thinking enough about what it means to bring another child into the world for their own sake.
I also struggle with the thought of going through pregnancy and everything that comes with it again, only for my children to potentially grow up not being close or not having the kind of relationship I had hoped for.
I’m not looking for the usual “there’s no guarantee they’ll be close” response. I understand that. I genuinely want to hear from people who have a good relationship with their siblings. How would you describe that bond? What does having that lifelong support system actually look like in your life? And have you seen other people with close sibling relationships who truly value and enjoy having that kind of bond?
I’d really appreciate hearing your personal experiences and perspectives.

How long did you wait before trying to get pregnant again after your third c-section? I'm absolutely terrified of c-section scar rupture during a future pregnancy. But my last pregnancy our son was very sadly stillborn and although nothing will ever replace our beautiful boy, I feel like it would be healing to be able to bring another (hopefully healthy) child into the world.

The only worry is I'm 35, struggled more with each pregnancy, if we wait a couple of years before trying again I'd be around 38 before baby was born and whilst I know people have children older than that, it feels quite a lot for me to have a newborn at that age

I've also been a bit put off by one of the midwives saying sometimes there's no signs of c-section scar rupture and it can take the life of both mum and baby quite quickly if it's not noticed. I'm scared to put myself through that

Sorry for the ramble x

Honestly, what specifically changed for your relationship, family logistics, finances, quality of life, and relationship with your two other children after having a third child, when your other two are both under five? We’re really struggling to make a decision.

Hi mums,

I just want to write my thoughts 'out loud'.

I have a son of 18months and he is an absolute dream. I love him so much and he was my dream forever. I wanted to be a young mom (and I am) but I always had it in my head that I would be 25 with my first and honestly it would be enough.

But my husband wanted to wait a little to travel and get our lives started on a good foot, fair. It was a little mweh but still fine. I just said after 30 im not doing it anymore. So 2 before 30 was my new goal.

Then he surprised me with a ring and I said yes. And we started trying when I was 25. This was hard on me because it took 12 months.... and then I had a miscarriage. Because I did not want to have a big belly on my special day we decided on waiting a few months so we started trying in the year 2024, and then I got pregnant after two months (2 weeks after the wedding we knew) and all was good. I was 26 and turning 27 in 2024. Perfect.

My son arrived in feb 2025 and it was en still is my greatest blessing. I started noticing that a second Child was not in my mind and decided the first year we wanted to fully focus on our son. His 1st bday came around and we started trying but honestly it felt different. It is not really a desire anymore, but I want a second one. But the headache of tracking and dissappointments every month is really annoying and I get very sad... I am an only Child and honest to god I did not miss a brother/sister because I had my friends.

Its feeling more and more that I need to achieve my deadline for my 30th bday in November 2027.. and every month is not happening I get very sad and I just don't know if its worth it. I dont really know why I care that I could be older than 30 with a second. I just hate the dissapointments and now even more when already have a healthy son.

Kind of a long story, but I just needed to vent.

I am expected my second child and my other kid will be 2.5 by then. I did not plan this pregnancy with my husband and just found out I am pregnant. I am feeling such a huge range of emotions but my biggest one being sadness for my almost 2 year old and anxiety on how I will do this, and will my marriage survive. I am the only one that puts my 2.5 to sleep, we have a really good schedule ect and she still needs me a lot. Yes, I am still breastfeeding. I also have no village it’s just me and my husband. I don’t trust my family enough to leave her with them. I have anxiety about leaving her with my parents because they actively try to cross boundaries when I’m there and just can’t be trusted.

Any advice or realness is appreciated

My husband (38M) and I (36F) have 2 kids (2F & 4F). We adore the girls and are happy as a family of four.

We are waffling on the idea of a third.

I would love to have a third baby but I dont know if I want to be a family of five if that makes sense. It just seems like practically so much more difficult on a day to day basis.

All the posts I found were from people who were either pregnant or in the thick of the baby/toddler years with their third.

Does anyone with an older third child (like school age or beyond) regret having a 3rd? Looking for the honest long term view.

Hi,

So to start, I’ve always been interested in adopting and find myself looking at the kids every once in a while. Hoping they get adopted and I won’t see them on the site anymore. But I came across a little girl (9yo) and I fell in love with her. She looks like such a sweetheart and is only 40 minutes away from me. She’s into books and my gosh I keep checking on her.

BUT I currently have a 7 month old and a 2 year old boys. My husband and I know we want to adopt but it was more so 2030, but something about this little girl just makes me want her now. It is one sided for now given my husband thinks we have our hands full. Idk why but she just seems like the sweetest girl and I’d love to be her mom!

Anyone else run into the feeling? Am I torturing myself? Gosh so many thoughts that I can’t share with hubby

My (25M) boyfriend and I (25F) have been together almost 3 years but still plan on waiting a few to have kids. We have known each other for over 7 and have agreed to have kids a little later.

My perspective and goal for myself is to have as much knowledge as possible on pregnancy and postpartum before trying for to have a child. This way I can be much healthier and make beneficial switches, and I can be prepared for what will happen at each stage. There are many, many complications with pregnancy today, and many reasons why it can be difficult to experience. But we do have evidence now that supports the fact that the man’s health and mental/emotional contribution affects the pregnancy.

His take on the matter is that he will do his best to be supportive with what I need when I become pregnant. His examples are foot rubs and getting weird craving snacks for me, things of that nature. Which I appreciate and think to be the right thing to do anyway. I want him to be passionate enough to take initiative and learn about the genetic influence he has, and the ways he could potentially make my pregnancy easier. His genetics affect the sperm, placenta, and our child, and his behavior can effect stress and the child’s exposure to risk factors. I want him to know this Beforehand.

Something that will stick with me is that he asked “what is that going to do for me?” “How does that advantage me?” After I told him I want him to understand some of these things.

We have more information now than ever, at the edge of our fingertips. Educating oneself about the process is not difficult and doesn’t take much time. In the age of knowledge ignorance is a choice. As a man, if you could potentially make pregnancy easier for your partner with your health, good habits and education would you do it?
Without a guarantee that it will help, but the chance it will would you?

This is what I am asking of him before we start trying.
So AITAH?

PS. I am fully aware there are things you cannot change or influence, and I also understand that there are things that could happen with our child that we don’t anticipate. All we can do is be prepared and thankful for a child. And I have promised him that because this is the truth and you can’t pick and choose, no one should ever be blamed for an unexpected outcome. If something happens we can rest assured we did our best to provide what was needed at minimum.

Please share the good, bad etc and your age gaps. Was it harder ir than easier than expected? Especially curious about how working mums manage the juggle. I ask these questions as tempted to ttc a 2nd but a bit scared don't know what to expect as used to routine with my one child and hard to imagine a 2nd child in daily routine.

I have a wonderful daughter (20 months) and a beautiful son (1 month) and post partum blues have got to me especially considering I know this was my last pregnancy and my last newborn and now last baby… I feel really happy to have one boy and one girl and my daughter took to her brother so well I was expecting there to be jealousy etc. but she’s been such a loving and caring toddler to her brother! That being said, I feel slight guilt for not giving her a sister - I have a sister and I’m super close to her even though we weren’t close growing up! I wonder if I had a third at some point (and not any time soon of course!) then they could experience a brother - brother bond or a sister - sister bond. I’ve not known any strong brother and sister bonds and only hear through close friends and family that they simply do not get along with their sibling of the opposite gender. Some female friends who have had only brothers have told me growing up they wished they had a sister so this makes me feel guilt for my daughter. Saying that, I know in the future cannot even predict what baby we will have and might end up having another boy if we tried! But even then I think our son experiencing a brother bond would be lovely too. I don’t know why I am feeling this way and wondering if others thought about this? I’ve started to put together all the newborn clothes my son has outgrown now to sell off so it feels like the decision to only have two has already been made in this way and maybe that is why I’m feeling this way it feels more final.

I’m 39 and have 3 kids: 4, 2, and 8 months old.

I’m considering having a 4th, but I’m really unsure because of my age.

For those who had a 4th baby around 39–41:

\* How was pregnancy and postpartum?

\* Did you feel it was much harder going from 3 to 4?

\* Do you regret having 4, or regret stopping at 3?

\* If you could go back, would you have another baby?

I’d really appreciate honest experiences, both positive and negative!