r/Shouldihaveanother

I am 11 weeks pregnant in Ontario, Canada. A condom cracked, it's an unwanted pregnancy. My husband doesn't want this child at all. We already have 2 children, both under 3 years old. He is very depressed by the situation and has clearly made it known that he wants me to end the pregnancy, but I can't do it... He consulted a doctor who made him take sick leave for mental health reasons and he cries a lot. I have absolutely no idea what to do.

I am Christian and married with 3 children already with the same man. I feel shame to say that I have had a previous abortion before, I said I would not do it again. I have taken all the precautions to not get pregnant and my husband underwent the vasectomy surgery.

A week after that, I discovered I am pregnant again. Now, I am in an internal battle with myself:
- What does God mean with this pregnancy?
- Is it a sin to get an abortion if three children is sufficient?

I don’t know what to do and am running to here for advice since I cannot speak with family about this. My husband supports whatever decision, but I am looking only at the negative side of both choices I have.

Hi there!

Im a FTM and my baby is 14 months now.

She was my dream come true as I always wanted to be a mom! As I was pregnant, I was very sure that I will only have one baby and be done. My pregnancy was so easy no symptoms, no pains nothing. Delivery as well. All was perfect.

As soon as I gave birth I felt in love with her. She was the most perfect newborn that I ever saw.

As soon as she hit 2 months, I felt a very strong urge to have another baby. Idk if thats a hormone thing? Eventho she was quite a difficult baby, colicky, always crying never sleeping (she still doesnt sleep properly and before her I NEEDED to sleep 12 hr straight😂) I felt that our family was not complete. More like another soul is waiting to join our family (Im not religious so thats weird but thats how I felt)

I started to talk to my husband and he was a no no for another baby as it’s challenging financially but I still feel that there is one more baby that belongs in our family.

Also worth mentioning: Im the default parent that stat at home, my husband work. I dont have any family that helps

Id love to hear from the ones that had the #2 how did you decide? Whats the age gap? How challenging was it?

Thanksss

I have 3 kids aged 6.5 (girl), 3.5 (boy) and 2 months old (boy). I’m loving have the third baby but it’s still early days ! The first two are super close and I’m worried the third baby will feel left out without a sibling so they can pair off. I never thought I would be even considering this. I have just turned 38 so might not even be possible to have a 4th anyway as the 3rd was hard to conceive…. I don’t have much support from grandparents but husband is very hands on when he’s around. Thoughts?

Bonjour,

J'ai 40 ans et souhaite un troisième enfant.

J'ai 2 supers enfants de 9 et 6 ans nés par césariennes. Pour mon premier accouchement J+5 et trop long, mon col se refermait. Pour ma deuxième, étant donné que son grand frère faisait 4.2kg à la naissance et qu'elle était dans la même courbe quasiment, la question ne s'est vraisemblablement pas posée pour ma gynéco qui a choisi de programmer ça pour deux semaines avant mon terme (probablement car elle était en congés d'été). Je ne referai pas le même choix si c'était à refaire car je suis persuadée que c'est pour cette raison (anticipation et césarienne de "convenance") que ma fille n'était pas du tout éveillée et a été allergique au lait de vache pendant sa première année.

Bref, parmis vous, qui a accouché d'un troisième bébé "naturellement" après 2 césariennes? Est-ce que je peux espérer un accouchement sans césarienne ou est-ce dingue?

Merci

Was anyone one and done or on the fence about having a second child but did. How is it for you? Was it harder / easier than you thought. Im like 99% one and done but my partner would like a second so our child has a sibling. I do think it would be nice for them to have a sibling but im worried it’s going to be sooo hard with 2 kids. I know everyone’s experience is different but would just love to know how it’s going for everyone and would you recommend 😂

38F with a 16-month old son who is perfect and loved in every way. Married, together for 15 years, own our condo, financially stable, lots of family support nearby.

Just confirmed I’m 7 weeks pregnant, due April 2027 when son will be just 2. Theoretically I should be overjoyed but the panic and dread haven’t stopped since testing positive two weeks ago.

I keep thinking how much better situated we would be in 6 months to a year. I am up for partnership at my firm at the end of the year; we will likely have bought a proper (bigger) house by then; husband is currently watching toddler while living off severance from last gig but would need a new job in the next six weeks to qualify for paternity leave next time around. Plus I feel like I am just starting to feel like myself post-partum.

Then again, I am not young and neither is partner and there is no guarantee I will get pregnant again or when so it feels crazy to consider terminating over a year at most. But still can’t shake how I feel.

Is this a no brainer? Do I need to get over myself? Any similar experiences? How did it turn out?

My son was born this past January. We found out in February that my husband has cancer. He had surgery to remove the kidney and is currently undergoing treatment. While I was pregnant, we both knew we wanted 2 children. Since his diagnosis, we have been less certain about having another one.

I am so positive he is gonna live a long life. I’m worried I’m in denial about it. I just have this feeling that he is gonna make it. He is more concerned about it. The numbers aren’t exactly in his favor; I think it’s something like 50% don’t live past 5 years from their diagnosis. He is also concerned about his age. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Or wwyd in this situation?

Edit: I just want to thank everybody for their input. I think I know the best choice; I just needed to hear it from someone else. I'm reposting this in the kidney cancer group just to hear their perspective.

My son is 2.5 years old. He is the most joyful, delightful child I've ever met. I have been a kindergarten teacher for 15 years, so having met so many kids, I know thst he is just such a wonderful little guy to have. His temperament, his personality, he is just the very best. As an infant he was a great sleeper, great eater, and we had a really easy transition to parenthood.

My husband and I are both 37 and are just dead in the middle about another child.

I want what is best for my son and I can't wrap my head around how adding another human who takes our attention, time, and efforts away from our first is truly beneficial? Do I know too much about child development that it's harming my ability to think about it clearly? Or am I overthinking it?

My son loves babies. In the store, at the library, anywhere we see a baby he stops and wants to look and watch the baby. He adores his baby cousin. I want to give him the well-roundedness of being a big bro, but how do i know it won't be of detriment?

This is so hard!! I want to think about them snuggling and laughing and having a wonderful sibling experience but what if that is not the reality? What if my son feels resentment about the change? What if our next baby isn't as delightful as our first was? This almost feels like an impossible decision?

What do others think? How did you make a decision?

When we say 'OK we are done, just him ". I get sad at the thought of not having another baby. But we say" OK let's do this and have another "I get worried it's not what's best for my son.

Help a mama out!!!

Edit to add-we have a huge village and are very fortunate for that. My parents live next door and my in laws down the street.

I know this decision is a deeply personal one. I’m just hoping for some advice and insight from one parent to another, especially moms. My husband and I have 2 girls, 3.5 and 18 months. I, more than him, am very open to the idea of a third. He is also not closed off to the idea but is very content with our two.

Part of me feels like I will always be longing for another or will constantly have the “what ifs” if we don’t. I am truly so torn and beat myself up about this everyday. I will be 31 this year, it’s either now or never honestly. I know people are having children much older these days, but I want to be done. So if we do have another, I’d like to be pregnant soon.

I just want to know how you came to terms with ACTUALLY being done? What did it for you? Did you end up having another and if so, do you regret it? I love my girls so much and I know my youngest would make a great big sis. But at the same time I think I’d be okay with just having the two. I just feel like if I never at least tried for a third, I will never forgive myself and it will haunt me.

When I see pregnancy announcements or people I know who are pregnant, I feel this sad jealousy. I can’t even explain it. It’s like the chapter for me is over and I want to experience it one last time? 😩

My daughter is turning 3 this week and my husband and I have been trying to have a second child for 15 months now. I always wanted a relatively small age gap because I was never a fan of the baby stage. I wanted to rip it off like a bandaid. I always knew I wanted two kids, and I KNOW I don’t want three, so I just wanted them both out and to be done. Pregnancy and early motherhood were so, so hard on me physically and mentally. I’m a SAHM and my daughter is sweet as can be, but also very needy, sensitive, and clingy. Even now that she’s almost 3, I’m lucky if I get 15 minutes of independent play out of her. But I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. She’s in school part time and since she turned about 2.5 I’m finally enjoying this season of my life after struggling for so long.

For those reasons, I’m not super disappointed that TTC has taken us this long, but I am a little upset at the prospect of a bigger age gap than I’d expected. I also really want my body to be mine again. I’m 35, I want a whole new wardrobe, I want to look into restarting my career again, and I want to start a GLP-1 to lose the baby weight that I just cannot get off. I know I make it sound like maybe I should just be one and done, but the prospect of that is soul crushing to me. I desperately want/wanted two children. But I’ve also had two miscarriages already this year and the reality is setting in that this process could take another year or more.

Sorry I know this is a bit rambling, but I’m just trying to decide if I should try as hard as I can to get pregnant ASAP (which is what I’ve been trying to do) maybe at the expense of my self image and bodily autonomy, or if I should push my timeline out and let myself be more ME before trying again, maybe with IVF.

We are currently pregnant in the early stages. I would like my son (5) to not feel as alone as I did in losing my parents. I even had a grandparent and two brothers and still felt so alone.

I want to give him a sibling so that he isn’t alone in the world but outside of my partner there is no one to help. I’m sure I’ll make new friends but all the mom friends I have now or parents to 5-6 year olds.

If anything were to happen to me or my partner we are not at all confident that either of us could raise two on our absolute own. All parents, grandparents are gone. My siblings are a state over without kids.

I want to build a family for my son but I’d be completely sacrificing myself as I can’t pickup the phone and call mom or vent to dad or grandma. I can’t call a friend to take one of the kids.

Not sure how to have another so my son isn’t alone in the world when we are gone and me drown in postpartum again without a life jacket this time around. I had my dad and a close friend last pregnancy.

Any help is appreciated 🤍

I’m at a loss. Heartbroken. I had wanted two children. I love this man and our family, he truly is a one of one. He has good reasons to not want another and he doesn’t have the same desire to have another child as he did for our first. I don’t want to beg, guilt trip or persuade him into having a child. I want it to be an enthusiastic yes and right now, it’s a no. And at first I was okay with that because his reasoning was sound. Our son is 4 and wonderful but as all kids are, he certainly has his moments where it can be particularly challenging. I also didn’t want to stress about the timeline of having another baby while i pursued school. But my son is talking about wanting a sister or being a brother, I’m seeing small children who are siblings play together and look out for one another. I know it’s not guaranteed that your children will get along or that they’ll have a built-in buddy. But I envision this life: a life where I’m pregnant again, the anticipation and excitement of finding out I’m pregnant, and this time experiencing this with my son who I know would be so excited and curious to see the baby grow, to help as he’s always such a good helper, to be a part of every moment and to have a smaller person he can teach things to. And then, I see it drifting away out of reach and it’s just so hard for me to accept this. I would never and don’t want to break up our family because I want another child, I love our family and I love my husband. But what if… I resent him one day? Will I regret never having another one? Will I one day truly be able to be happy that I didn’t have more? Or will I always feel this heartache? Is there anyone here who is in the same boat as me? What did you do? How did you overcome?

It took me so many years to decide what I wanted. Finally, pulled the trigger tried for a second baby and at the end of month 3 it all ended in a missed miscarriage. Now im back in the same situation, I don't know if i want to try again. The fear, the pain, the sadness i felt and i keep feeling now .. Has this happened to anyone else? I am a very anxious person and this was the first time I tried not to obsess and panic and for the first time i succeded in this, i was a little scared but overall happy, happy that i had made the decision, that it had already all happened. Immediately after it ended i was almost sure i would try again. Now, almost a month later, I don't know anymore and i find it so hard to move on and not think about this decision everyday. I guess i just want to hear someone else's similar experience. Thanks fir reading.

We have an 11 month old and have talked about wanting kids close together.. I just do not know how I will be pregnant and take care of my 11 month old ? Is this something that you just do and it sucks or it's not that bad?? Idk I'm so scared to ruin how good we have our routines at the moment but I love a big family and did not have a hard pregnancy at all! I just remember being so tired I would sleep 12-15 hours and won't be able to do that now obv with the first baby

For context, our daughter is 19 months and has been in PT and OT for low muscle tone. She's making good progress and will be walking soon, but everything she achieves right now happens through hard work and practice. Her MRI was normal except for slight delayed myelination. We're still waiting on genetic results; I'd want to know those before making any final decision. She's globally delayed, and we really can't know if she'll catch up or have some level of intellectual disability. Which is fine, we're prepared to have her with us for life either way.

She's an easy kid otherwise--happy, eats well, sleeps well, asks for books, sings along to music, etc. Her speech is delayed, but she does have a few words and can play simple games.

She chooses books with babies in them most and gives her doll lots of kisses. Loves playing with her cousins and story-time at the library. She's always looking at other babies in public and curious about them. Very gentle with our cats.

We originally planned to have two, but obviously her complications have us hesitating. We're in an ok place otherwise, but I'm stuck on whether it could possibly be fair to everyone. I think she would enjoy being a big sister, but what if we can't meet the needs of both? What if the new baby also has a disability? What if the younger sibling resents us? What if she catches up just fine and we regret not having another?

My husband wants a second pretty bad but is supportive either way. We're mid-30s, so time is a factor. I'd love another too but would be fine with OAD. We're very happy right now, and I'm scared of losing that equilibrium. I guess I'm curious if anyone has been in a similar situation, or has general input.

I currently have an almost 4 year old son and a 12 month old daughter. I love them both so much and they are the lights of my life. Me and my husband love being parent and having 2 kids has been difficult but manageable. We also love to travel, like travelling is a huge part of our lives.

However, now my daughter is one, my husband and I have been debating if we should have another baby or not. Part of us is happy only having 2 kids, there is 2 parents, 2 kids, life is manageable. But another part of us wonders if we should have another baby.

So I want some advice from other people

If I struggle with 2, should I even have 3?

I have always thought that parents of 3 are a special kind of person. The kind of person that can roll with the punches, not take things too seriously, be ok with chaos, noise, and mess. The kind of person who says: this is a circus but I love my monkeys (or however that saying goes).

I don’t think I am that kind of person.

I deal with CPTSD. I often feel anxious and overstimulated as a mom of two (6yo and 1.5yo). I have to work so hard to stay calm when my 6yo is demanding me to read him something, my husband and I are packing lunches, and my 1.5yo is crying for more breakfast. I love them so much but there are times when I want to (and actually do) scream. I know this is normal but I also hate it about myself.

I never thought of having 3 (I am an older sister to 1 brother and my husband is an only child, so it was never our dream to have 3).

We had to work really hard for our two kids (IVF), I was never able to get pregnant naturally. We thought we were done. But now I’m pregnant. And I’m scared.

Do I terminate out of fear that I can’t handle a 3rd child?

My husband and I are very unsure. He is leaning towards having a 3rd, he is willing to adapt and take on the extra work of a 3rd in favor of growing our family, but also doesn’t want me to get buried by it all. He sees my fear and my hesitation. I feel supported by him.

I feel like we would need to make big changes to get the emotional support I need. Like commit to weekly therapy and taking time to do something to maintain my sense of self. We’d need to tighten up our communication, team work, and parenting skills.

I feel inklings of desire to know who this 3rd child could be.. but those feelings are drowned out by my fear/shame of who I am as an overwhelmed mother. I also am scared to terminate and feel like I gave up out of fear.

Financially it would be a stretch but we can do it.

I have my mom close by and she can offer some help.

I have a close community of mom friends that are also here for emotional support.

But there are moments when I lose my control, I get angry and scared and don’t cope well at all. My oldest sees it. And I just know that having a 3rd will increase the stress and my stress tolerance is already so low.

I know no one can answer this for me. But I just wonder how parents of 3 handle it, especially if you have had a traumatic childhood and/or CPTSD as well.

Edit: Should also add, I am 40.