u/justdarkblue

I have an 18mo old son. Ive been near OAD from even beginning to try to have the first one. I hate the baby stage. I love the toddler stage. He's so funny and like the perfect child.

I had a terrible pregnancy (nausea, reflux, pain, preterm labor). I had a pretty bad postpartum recovery including mastitis and PPD. To make things worse my husband was temporarily and unexpectedly disabled at the same time and we had no family near by. I also had a sick dog unexpectedly. It was all traumatic.

I work a high stress job while my husband stays home. If he had to he could get a job but his industry isnt great right now and he would probably be at half of what I currently make. This is the biggest reason I've been OAD. I did not have a good return to work last time. We could afford it on my salary but it would need to be a budget. We already have a plenty large enough house, acre yard, and SUV (wouldn't need to upgrade anything). He is also starting a side business and a second would really expand the timeline of when he could do it full time. We don't necessarily need the money but he does want to provide.

I really do feel like I want a second child. Not a second baby. But from like toddler on, I wish I could have 2. I don't want to adopt. I want my own. I'd love to have a daughter (always wanted one of each). But I'd also love for my son to have a brother. Even if they fight sometimes I feel like it would be good for him to have that bond. I get jealous of family photos of 4. I do not get jealous at pregnancy announcements.

He's very social already. I don't want to have to rely on other families to provide that interaction. I don't want to feel guilty if we want/need to move elsewhere in the future.

I am just terrified of being pregnant again. I'm terrified of twins, medical conditions, premies (nephew was a micro premie), even a bad sleeper (mines a unicorn). I'm terrified of having mental problems again and/or losing my job.

I'm equally terrified of letting fear stand in the way and not "sucking it up" and doing what I need to to get what I think I really want in the end.

I'm 37 and I can't wait much longer. I definitely feel a time pressure too.

After seeing a photo from an acquaintance this mother's day...not me this weekend getting emotional that I'll never be able to go on a mother-daughter weekend with my mom, sister, and neices with my own daughter since I won't be having one.

Meanwhile the reality check is I've NEVER gone on a mother daughter weekend with my mom/sister and its certainly not going to be happening now that I have 2 little neices. Can't even imagine a trip with 3 little girls under 4 AND my mother 🤪

We are staying at a friend's house and have to share a room with 18mo and dog. He woke up crying in the middle of the night and this made dog start barking. Had to bring baby in bed to get him to stop crying and stop the barking before waking everyone up. He loved it way too much. Is he ever going to willingly go back in his own bed?

18mo, sleep trained for past year for naps and overnight. Sleeps 12 hours straight at night usually (8-8). One nap, though has become inconsistent lately- sometimes just quiet time now.