r/sleeptrain

As the title implies I’m literally at the end of my rope and hanging onto sanity by a thread. How, how on earth is it possible to get a breast addicted, co sleeping asshole toddler out of my bed? It’s ruining my marriage, my career, obviously my mental health.

He nurses all fucking day whenever I sit down. There’s hardly anything left but he’s still sucking. insane tantrum if I try to say no. I never crib/sleep trained him which is my number one all time regret of my life. About 6 months ago I moved him into a cool race car bed that he loves for naps and bedtime. As expected the only way, ONLY way he can ever fall asleep is sucking my boobs. There is no rocking, no sitting in a chair nearby (hilarious to even think about), no letting dad help. That would be fine honestly except he wakes up all. Fucking. night. Every 2-3 hours. I nurse him in his room, but he’ll eventuslly end up in my bed every single morning without fail. Half the time it doesn’t even wake me up because I’m dead tired from my job that I had no time for (freelance from home with literally every child-free minute). My husband just wants alone time in bed and no kids there. Id also like to wean him because it must be the first step. I’ll post in that sub too but I’m desperate and lost and hopeless. I do love my kid but he’s ruining my life currently.

Edit to add his schedule, which I’m also super embarrassed about but it’s the only thing that works for our choatic family- he’s the youngest of 5.

930-10 wake up

4-6 nap

11/1130/12 bed (or as I like to call it, first bed)

I will have pretty big contex here as i am SO DESPERATE for help.

My baby boy used to sleep through the night with only one wake or none up until three and a half months at that time he was a bad day sleeper but at night was amazing. Having i. Mind he had a bedtime routine and slept swaddled after turning 1 month he began sleeping in the Snoo however had no major issues when sleeping in regular bassinet. Only thing that would wake him was gas which is not an issue anymore. Also taking in rwgard he would fall asleep either by rocking or jumping on the pilates ball (it tool 30 secs literally)

However around the three and a half month mark he began being harder to settle and having more frequent wakes, at some point i moved him to sleep in bed with me which helped at the beginning but after a week or so made no more difference. I started him on strict daytime schedule waking up at 7am having 2 hr wake window then a 1hr nap from 9-10 than a 2 hour nap from 12-2pm (during which i would resettle a couple of times) and final nap at 4:30-5:00pm and bedtime around 7:30 sometimes 8 pm. Also tried adding a fourth nap eventually and adjusting bedtime to 8:30-9pm. I tried making the wake window longer/shorter, however whatever i do it does not change the end result of him waking up constantly. First of with a bunch of false starts sometimes after 30/45 or 50 mins then sometimes he got in a 2 hour strech but sometimes its only an hour. Only after 12am does he actually have 2-2.5hr streches. Also, getting him down at the beginning of the night takes a minute but for all the other wakes he feels me getting on the bed and laying him down and if not asleep enough he starts hitting around with his hands and immediately wakes. At this point i dont even know when he wakes because of hunger or something else so i offer the boob whenever convinient. Past three nights he wakes up after an hour of sleep and just screams whether he is being held rocked or bounced on the pilates ball. Tonight i tried letting him cry it out after i was unable to get him back to sleep but it resulted in constant screaming for 40 minutes to the point that when i went in to get him he was swollen from crying.

His daytime sleep has gotten a lot better he can do an hour strech without resettling and is able to fall asleep in the stroller which did not use to be a case. He has around 3.5 hour daytime sleep and i try to have wakeup time at 7 am but je usually wakes up around 6/6:30 and i just cant handle im too tired so i have to get him back to sleep which sometimes results in 8am wake up.

Also, when he was a small baby just returning the paci would help resettle, now it does nothing 🥹

What should I do?? Please help 🥺

At the end of the month, the US is going through fall back time change so our 6/6:30am wake up will become 5am. Early morning wakes and schedule changes in general are a big postpartum anxiety I have and it helps me to kind of hash out a plan and have solutions for worst case scenarios. I’ve searched the subreddit for peoples past experiences and I had some further questions from those who have done this before.

-Some people say they do absolutely nothing beforehand and then ignore anything happened the day of, so their nap times and bedtimes are the time on the clock. So if my son wakes up at 5, his first nap won’t be till 10 like usual? Some people said keeping lights and stimulation low until regular wake up time, so do I let him play or just keep him in his crib? How long did it take to readjust to regular schedule?

- some people said they adjusted the schedule a few days ahead of time 15 minute increments so their internal clocks adjust. I think I might go this route. However his wakeup time doesn’t change much if he goes down later. So I’m curious what others success rate is with this.

Thank you

Started doing ‘drowsy but awake’ at 8 weeks with consistent debtime routine. Had 1 night wake up and full feed as a result for a long time (about 5-6 hours into the night) then 4 month sleep regression/ developmental leap hit and we seemed to end up with 2 night wake ups (and full feeds). Also been dealing with lots of daytime distraction despite focusing on daytime calories (plus bottle refusal).

In the evening bedtime routine is bath>feed>sleep. If baby falls asleep feeding we wake to put down. However, have been getting lots of screamies after bathtime and at beginning of feed.

New plan aims to solve this.

Stick with wake at 7am > bed 8pm with 3.5 hours of naps throughout the day (aiming for 4 currently but will be transitioning to 3 (but when?)).

New bedtime routine will be feed >bath>sleep. If putting down awake doesn’t go as smoothly as straight after feed will wait 15 mins to ‘self settle’ and then 5-3-3 for any wakes/ feeds.

Will also start doing cot naps with checking at 15 min intervals to self settle as naps are currently carrier or pram or car seat

Does this sound sensible? Based on reading a few books and this sub. Any help appreciated.

I could really use some help. We sleep trained our baby a couple months back and it was very successful. He was sleeping 12 hours straight at night without eating. A couple weeks ago he was teething and so I gave him a little extra comfort (pats on the back in the crib) at night when he would wake up crying. Those teeth and have popped and he is totally back to normal during the day. But now every night he is awake and struggling from 11:30-2:30. After failed pop ins and attempting to pat him back to sleep, I end up needing to rock him for hours to try and get him to go back to sleep. He’s not crying during this, he’s just awake and squirmy. So I figured this meant we need a schedule adjustment. He’s been doing 2.5/3.5/3.75 for a while with naps capped at about 2.5 hours daily. Anyway I’ve been shortening his naps and lengthening his WWs and today he only took 1.5 hours of naps and went to sleep per usual, then he had a false start at the 30 minute mark that turned into a 1 hour ordeal where I needed to rock him completely back to sleep.

So my question is, was I right to assume his sudden split nights are from under tiredness? Or could this actually be over tired? Or maybe something else? He’s going through a separation anxiety phase so maybe that’s at play?

I’m at a loss here, my 20th month old daughter always wakes up at night, it is always 5.5 hours into the night. I’ve tried adjusting her bedtime, adjusting her naps, tried to increase her calorie intake during the day but nothing seems to work.

She is currently on a schedule of 7.30-12, nap time is capped to 2 hours. She is at nursery for 3 days a week so it’s been harder to manage her naps. She is in bedtime around 7:45 every night. She usually has dinner, an hour of quiet time, bath, stories and bed by 7:45pm,

She was originally sleep trained by the age of 10 months through the Ferber method.

Now I tried to feed her with calories before bed but she always wakes up in the night. Should I push her bedtime back? Cap her nap time even further?

She is awake every night for 3 hours and then resettled back to sleep by herself eventually when she’s tired. I have tried bottle feeding at night; not my ideal but I’m a loss, I have tried CIO, sitting beside her and slowly adjusting my way out, didn’t like it. I don’t know what to do. Please any advice would be much appreciated. I’m a single mum and very tired now with multiple weeks of the same issue.

12 hrs awake- 3.5/4/4.5. Baby was initially slept trained at 5 months and night weaned at 9 months. Baby is still waking up multiple times a night (usually 2x). Sometimes he puts himself back to sleep but usually I have to go in and help him back to sleep at least once a night. He has 12 hours of awake time. I cannot shift to one nap because he will get too tired- his first nap cannot be pushed back any later. He will fall asleep.

ETA:
7 am wake up, nap 1 is at 10:30 am for 1 hr, nap 2 is at 3:30pm for 45 min, bedtime is 8:45 pm.
Bedtime routine is walk, bottle (9 oz formula), bath then in his own room in a crib. Blackout curtains w sound machine. No pacifier but he sucks his thumb usually when falling asleep.
He used to have 2.5 hr of naps (he is a good napper, I always have to wake him up from naps). we went down to 1.75 hr of naps to try to get rid of night wakeups but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. He will go back to sleep immediately if I nurse him, but that is last resort as I have night weaned and don’t want to get back in the habit of an overnight feed. He eats 3 solid meals a day plus 3 nursing sessions and 1 formula bottle.

I am honestly at my limit and beyond with my LB and his sleep. Hes 14 months old and has never ever slept well.

I feel like I’ve tried everything apart from the CIO method as I just cannot bring myself to do it.

His WW are currently 3-3.5 & 4/4.5. I’ve tried lengthening and shortening those windows as well as trying 1 nap and nothing seems to help his nighttime sleep. We are lucky to get 2 hours before he’s awake again.

He does not fall asleep independently so every time he wakes I’m having to rock him back to sleep (I know this is part of the problem) but we’re up 4+ times a night. He will not settle for my partner at all so I’m doing all bedtimes and all wakes in the night aswell as being back at work😫

I just don’t know what to do, we’ve tried the pick up put down, we’ve tried the chair method and he just stands up in his cot screaming. He also still wants milk in the night. again I know this is for comfort rather than a need.

I don’t really know what I’m asking for here but if anyone has been through something similar…please tell me it gets better.

im feeling so angry and frustrated and so much resentment. I love my boy more than anything but its hard to enjoy it when your just so exhausted!!

I can’t go on like this for much longer, it’s also making me question if I can have more children and go through this again.

My daughter is five years old and started kindergarten about a month ago. We sleep trained both of our kids around six months of age, and they are good sleepers. My question is whether or not folks would change something with what’s going on with my daughter currently, or just leave it be.

We start the bedtime routine for my daughter around 7:30 or 7:45 PM these days. This means that we stop playing and go upstairs where she brushes her teeth and uses the bathroom. Then we go into her room, put on sleeping clothes, and read to her for about 15 minutes. Then we turn on the noise machine, turn off her light, turn on her nightlight, and say good night. She typically is sound asleep within 5 to 10 minutes.

The issue is that she wakes up around five or 530 every morning. She knows to stay in her room until her light turns green at 6:20 AM, so for that hour or so, she looks at books or listens to stories or plays or whatever. She doesn’t typically nap anymore, although if it’s been a big morning and she has a car ride late in the afternoon she will for sure fall asleep.

So her schedule is basically: wake up at 5 am, asleep at 8:15 pm everyday - or only about nine hours of sleep a day. She wakes up that early pretty much every day regardless of exact bedtime. Yesterday she had a big day at school and crashed at 6:30 pm and slept through until 5 am still.

So my question : would you move bedtime earlier so that she gets more sleep overall assuming she keeps waking up super early? OR gradually move bedtime later in hope that she starts sleeping in later and has a more normal/humane schedule that matches the rest of the family? OR do nothing? Or something else?

Edit: I should note that this schedule including her waking up super early on her own started a month or two before she started kindergarten. Also her waking up early is entirely her body waking her up. She wakes up before everyone else in the house. She could sleep as late as seven or seven thirty if she wanted to.

Our boy is 5 months and 1 week and we are currently on night 9 of Ferber. He moved into his cot in his own room when we started ST.

WW: 2/2.5/2.5/3 - Naps: 3hrs total
Bedtime: 8-8:30pm depending on last nap
Wake time is 7am.

Bedtime routine: feed, bath (every other night due to dry skin), lotion, pjs, book, bed

In terms of falling asleep, we could not be happier! It takes him a few minutes and minimal grumbles and he’s out, with no check ins needed since about night 4.

Here’s where the problem lies, his first stretch is 3 hours and that’s the longest one we get all night. After that he’s awake every 1-2 hours still. He gets 2 feeds per night (EBF), the first being 4 hours after his last feed and the next being 3 hours after that.

He goes back into his cot awake, albeit, a bit drowsy after the feeds and puts himself back to sleep. All other wakes, I’ll let him put himself back to sleep, which normally involves 10-20 mins of crying. We have had one morning since we started where he woke naturally at 7:30 and was all smiles, every other day is constant tears from about 5am.

I’m at a bit of a loss, so any tips or trick would be so appreciated!

Perhaps this is my way of coping, but I’m curious about others experiences: With good preparation, can babies breeze through the 4 month “regression”?

Baby girl is 15 weeks old and has been able to fall asleep independently at night for maybe 3 weeks now, naps and nighttime sleep (we practiced FIO method). Naps have been a bit sporadic but have generally been in the 30-60 minute range unless we contact nap her to prolong and hit those key “checkpoints” in our day. Wake windows are in the 75-90 minute range, 3-4 hours of naps per day and sleeps 7-7 with one night wake to feed typically.

She’s slept in her crib since 6 weeks and a majority of naps are in the crib as well. From everything I’ve taken in from this sub, we seem to be doing everything right(?) and I’m hoping/praying these good habits will help the 4 month “regression” be very manageable. Has anyone had a similar experience or is the “regression” inevitable? Any advice on things we could be doing better? Appreciate all perspectives, thank you!!

EDIT: Some extra info… sleeps in own room. Bedtime routine is some outdoor porch time to watch traffic, bath, bottle and bed in sleep sack with white noise. Has never liked a pacifier.

Toddler Sleep

Hi everyone,

I need some advice/guidance.

My toddler has been sleeping in their crib since a newborn. Never in our bed. All naps in the crib as well.
Bedtime was from 7:30pm - 8:00am and we had zero issues going to bed on our in the crib.

Well my toddler broke their arm recently and now has a cast. She is struggling to sleep (which we expected), I’m sure she’s uncomfortable and annoyed with the cast.

The nights were getting so so bad that we decided to bring her into our bed. Well, that was that. Now she won’t leave our bed and I don’t know how to get her back to her crib. She will thrash around in her crib, cry, throw her head back, etc. We’re worried she will injure herself in the crib now and have come to terms that she will be in our bed.

What do we do/what can we do to try and get her back into her crib? My husband and I do not want to co-sleep, but we also don’t want her to get hurt by throwing herself around in the crib. We’re at our wits end and sleep deprived.

I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. For context, I have 3 children. 4, 2 (almost3) and 4 months old. My 4 and 2 year old share a room. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, my 2 year old started waking up sometimes at night and my husband would go into our 3rd bedroom and they would sleep in there together. That was fine, wasn’t my problem. Then the baby came and that continued, every night. Well skip to now, my husband very suddenly got a new job, and it’s a nightshift job. It’s been a big change for our family but now I’m stuck with a habit that they started and it’s getting worse. My two year old is particularly difficult, we are getting her screened for autism and sensory processing disorders, I’m only mentioning this because she cries ALOT. And often for no reason, or because she got what she wants, there’s not really a sure way to make sure she doesn’t cry.

Last night I hit my low. The baby was up all night because 4 months old. My two year old came in at 3:30 in the morning AWAKE, not like a sleepy coming to sleep in my room. Awake. Asking me if it was morning time again. And for the next hour, I desperately tried to get both children to sleep. I finally gave up at 4:30 and put on the tv. She has been sick this past week so her sleep schedule isn’t her normal but waking up in the middle of the night and throwing a fit about anything and everything is unfortunately not a rare occurrence, probably once a week it happens like this. Not this early but she does throw a fit in the middle of the night, probably because she’s tired? Anyways, I don’t know if this really falls under sleep training, more like sleep help but HOW do I break this middle of the night waking habit?? All of the rooms are right next to each other, we do have sound machines but my daughter is loud.

Editing to add schedule!
Both my older children were sleep trained and they both fall asleep by themselves. We do bath teeth books and then I tuck them in and they fall asleep listening to Yoto players. Bedtime is anywhere from 6:30-7:30. My acceptable wake up time is 6am. She is still napping 50% of the time. If she “sleeps in” till 6:30 she can do without a nap. When she’s not sick (which she was this week) I cap her naps at 1 hour. Unfortunately the naps happen whenever I can get her to finally nap but she never sleeps later then 2:30

I posted a few days ago about help for my LO. He’s 18W now and we are following 2 hour wake windows, wake up at 7, bed by 8 with a consistent bedtime routine. He has 3-4 naps per day that last between 30-45 mins. He falls asleep independently but starting at 12am he’s awake twice per hour until about 5am where he then sleeps through until wake up.

What are we doing wrong? How can we fix this? I am SO tired!

I’ve reached the 1 year mark with breastfeeding and want to slowly wean my baby off. But at the same time I also want to sleep train her because she feeds to sleep and also wakes up during her sleep and will only go back down if she’s feeding.

She also feeds to sleep for her daytime naps (and sometimes is not interested in her 2nd nap).

I don’t know where to start - do I cut the feeds first or should I sleep train her first? Any advice is much welcome!!!!

Edit: we’re also co-sleeping!

Planning to ST this weekend at 22 weeks old (just turned 5 months). Currently following 1.5/1.75/1.75/1.75/2 and per my post yesterday I was told to move to 10 hrs wake time so today we did 2/2/2/2/2 (last one still pending) with all contact naps of 35 min, 1.75 hrs, 30 min and 35 min.

She did really well and usually she cries or screams when we start rocking for nap and today she just babbled and for a few minutes and then fell right asleep. She did get fussy in the middle of the WW but we just changed the environment and she pushed over the hump! TY!

Would it be reasonable to do this for another day and then attempt the 3 nap 10 hour WW schedule since we need that to ST?

Hi all! We successfully ST’d our 19 week adjusted (born at 34 weeks) LO a little over two weeks ago. She sleeps great at night with two night feeds still preserved (11pm & 3am) because she’s a small gal. Currently wakes at 7am and in bed around 7pm with a 2/2/2/2-2.5 schedule. Sleeps in her own room, no pacifier.

We are so happy and ST has totally changed our lives - she was previously cosleeping and waking every 1-2 hours to eat. However, my concern is that she still cries for anywhere from 5-20 minutes after we put her down for the night, sometimes requiring a pop-in. I’ve read that she might be a “power-down” baby who needs to cry a little to get out extra energy before bed.

If anyone else has a “power-down” baby, specifically after sleep training, has it improved over time? And tips or tricks? I hate hearing her cry when I know she has the skills to fall asleep independently!

Sleep trained at 4.5 months. Now fully transitioned to two naps. He’s currently 7 months. Wake windows 3/3.5/3.75. Total daytime sleep is always between 2.5 and 3, never more than 3hrs.

Desired wake time is between 6 and 7.
Bedtime between 7 and 8.

Creeping up on 3-2 nap transition he started waking up at 5ish, and combined with bedtime getting too late and fighting the third nap, we figured the two naps would solve our problem. Sadly… it didn’t. He’s waking around 5 everyday and wanting to play.

We have the room blacked out. White noise. We don’t go in unless he cries and it escalates. We make a big deal at 6am with light, etc. We keep first nap at minimum 9am regardless of early wake up.

What I’ve probably done wrong and makes me embarrassed to post this is:

- the transition to two naps made bedtime so hard to navigate - looooots of screaming until we figured out the proper wake windows. So we gave him back the pacifier (we’d taken that away at nighttime when we sleep trained at 4.5 months). I’m assuming this was bad of me? But it hasn’t created any new issues I don’t think? And now bedtime is smooth as can be.

- some days I’ve held him once he wakes at 5 so he can sleep until 6am - I do this as getting him to make it until 9 for his first nap is a STRUGGLE if he woke at 5.

FTM here to a 13 week old colicky, adorable baby girl. She is growing out of the colic, and her only remaining fits of rage are directed at nap time/bedtime transition (I.e. as soon as I start rocking her lol). We have diligently been practicing drowsy but awake since she was 9 weeks old, and she’s a CHAMP at it. We help her work through that resistance before putting her down in her crib once she’s fully chilled out to finish falling asleep on her own.

Well, the literal day she turned 12 weeks old, she went to bed at 6:45 pm. The earliest she had gone to bed before then was probably 9:30 pm. Her sleep has been so different the past week. She was reliably only waking once a night, but she began waking twice a night for basically full feeds. The biggest shift I noticed was increased bedtime resistance. It used to take us 20-30 minutes to get her asleep, but now it takes 45-60 minutes. I truly don’t think it’s a wake window issue. Homegirl is TIRED but fighting. (But not overtired. Well, especially when she *starts* fighting.)

We are currently aiming for bedtime between 7-8 pm. Sometimes she falls asleep in this window; sometimes she doesn’t. WWs are 1:10/1:25/1:25/1:40/1:50. We have a 30-min wind down routine that includes diaper change, story, sing a calm song, into Merlin sleep suit, sound machine on, lights off (VERY gradually or she will pterodactyl scream!!!). We then bounce her until she’s through with her crying, set her down in her crib drowsy but awake, and let her chew on her hands till she’s out.

Average night before 12 weeks:

- Asleep for bed between 8:30-9:45

- One nighttime waking to eat between 2-4 am

- Wake for the day naturally around 7ish

- Four naps, just following sleepy cues, not a good nap time routine

Average day now:

- Asleep for bed 7-8:15

- Two nighttime wakings for full feeds at 12 am-ish and 5 am-ish (Dream feed doesn’t push these back)

- Then she goes back to sleep after that second feed before waking for the day at 8-9 am??

MY QUESTION: Is it the start of the 4 month sleep regression? Here’s why I’m asking because I know the schedules above don’t necessarily seem like it…

- Greater bedtime resistance. I mean, draaaaamaaa. She hasn’t fought bedtime this hard since she was 8/9 weeks.

- Seems to have a harder time falling asleep/more aware

- When we put her back down in her crib after MOTN feedings, she will talk to herself and play for a while before falling back asleep. She falls asleep eventually, but she seems wide awake. Before this shift, she would usually fall asleep while burping.

- Last night she woke 3 times instead of twice. She hasn’t done that since she was like 5 weeks old.

- Afternoon naps have become especially short and erratic. The other day her 3rd nap was 18 mins long LOL

- Early morning wakings? What’s going on with that?

- LOUD sleeper in the early AM

- Clingy / extra fussy

- Something just feels off???

Any and all advice is welcome and appreciated, but please be gentle. I’m doing my best!!!! Signed, a FTM who is being medicated for PPA

Hello lovely sleep people. Last week we pulled the trigger and night weaned, my daughter took to it after 2 nights of Dad going in. She is sleeping 8pm to ~5am, with 0-1 wake ups, though she has been putting herself back to sleep better each time! I however am struggling with waking up at 5am and also trying to adjust her nap schedule to fit this new wake time.

Right now she is doing 4/4/4.5 due to family schedule, sometimes a longer first window depending on the day. She is 13mo and right now doing about 2.5 hours of daytime sleep looking something like this:

Wake - 5:00am

Nap 1 - 9:00am-10:15am

Nap 2 - ~2:15pm-3:30pm

Bed - 8pm

She is usually a happy kid the whole wake windows and goes to sleep for both naps and night without a fight. Would cutting off those 15 minutes really help to get an extra hour in the morning? I have to wake her up from her naps regardless so I can definitely try it out. I also understand that while 5am is early, it's not unheard of and I may just have to deal with it until we can get to 1 nap, which went poorly the last time we tried.