2 kids to 3–Advice for going for it or letting it go?
My wife (36F) and I (35M) have two daughters (6 and 2) and are trying to decide whether to have one more child. We always imagined having 3-4 kids. I always pictured 3, she pictured 4. More recently, though, we had mostly come to peace with stopping at 2.
Then we recently had a brief pregnancy scare and, to my surprise, I found myself hoping it was real. I think that clarified for me that I’m not fully ready to close the door.
A big part of this decision is financial and lifestyle related. We’re stable, own a home that fits our family, wouldn’t need bigger cars. We’re financially stable with flexible jobs, but a third child would still significantly impact our long-term financial goals, especially regarding retirement goals, travel, helping kids with college/down payments/weddings someday, etc. Even with two kids, those things already feel ambitious.
We also live far from family, so while our marriage is strong and our girls are healthy and wonderful, the practical reality of raising 3 kids without a support system feels daunting, especially for my wife. Her hesitation is mostly about the long-term burden and loss of bandwidth, not lack of love for the idea.
There’s another layer to this too. Between our daughters, we had a son who was born prematurely and passed away shortly after birth. Because of that loss, this decision feels emotionally heavier than just “should we have another kid.”
I also know part of what I’m wrestling with is the idea of never raising a living son. I would genuinely be happy with another daughter, and we both know we would not try beyond one more child, but I’d be lying if I said that longing was not part of this.
One thing that has stuck with me was that about a year and a half ago I was on a road trip alone with my oldest daughter. Around 2 a.m. she suddenly woke up and said, “Daddy, there’s another little boy,” then immediately fell back asleep and would not respond when I tried to ask her what she meant. I’m a person of faith and don’t necessarily think it has to “mean” something, but I also can’t fully shake it.
I think I’m mainly looking for perspective from people who stood at this exact crossroads, especially people who deeply wanted another child but ultimately decided to stop at two. How did you know? And if you did stop, how did you grieve and make peace with the family size you ended up with?