u/Possible-Attempt2723

I have had to repress my sexual desires my whole life. Growing up, I saw marriage as an escape from this. Throughout my 20s I worked hard to deconstruct purity culture and accept that my sexual desires are normal and natural, but no one I wanted to be with wanted to be with me.

Then I finally found someone. I felt safe, loved, desired. It was great until it wasn’t. Now I’m married to someone who can barely be intimate with me more than a couple times a month and knows how much that hurts me but never does anything about it. He’ll blame adhd, hormones, work. But he won’t do anything to address those issues.

No matter how much I’ve done to try to accept that this is just how he is, it doesn’t stop hurting. No matter how much I’ve done to make my needs smaller, nothing works. Not therapy, not meditation, not venting with friends who will never understand what it’s like to feel this undesirable. I feel so lost and helpless. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to have sexual desires if it means having to hold all this pain unendingly.

I feel like most nurses are trying to get out of acute care and from everything I’ve heard, I can appreciate why. However, my current job (plasma donation nurse for 4 years) does not utilize my skills as much as I’d like and I’m ready to do something different. The issue is that most jobs available for LPNs are long term care and home health which I did for 5 years as a CNA so I’m trying to avoid it. I would really prefer acute care but what few options there are either don’t pay enough or won’t hire me due to lack of the “right kind” of experience. Any advice is appreciated.