Mother with uninhibited behavior during mania
Hey everyone. I (32F) just want to share my personal story and some events that happened recently, and I'm looking for ways to deal with this, and just hear from people who have similar experiences.
My mom has bipolar I, she was diagnosed when she was in her 40s. During several episodes, I'd say about 4 times, this escalated into a full-blown psychosis. One time was when I was 3 years old, and she ran away with me because she thought my dad was sexually abusing me (this was not the case, and it was obviously traumatic for him).
During other psychotic episodes, she was very scared and paranoid, and I had to reassure her. All my experiences with her have made me hypervigilant and it feels like I'm in a constant fight-flight-freeze mode.
What I'm struggling with now, is that my mother is hypersexual and displays uninhibited behavior during manic episodes. She's in her 70s. During her latest episode, she posted an "intimate video" of herself on her Facebook stories. A man I didn't know called me to notify me of it. I was grateful for him to let me know (I quit social media), but it was just... So hard and mortifying. I drove to my mom in the middle of the night, spent the night at her place, took her to the GP the next day, and she was voluntarily hospitalized for two weeks.
Now, she's back home, but her mental state doesn't seem to have improved. She's drinking heavily, and it worsens her state. I try to be empathetic. I know that hypersexuality is part of the disease. I know I can't expect my mom to quit an addiction she's had for over 30 years. But there are rumors about her going through town, and I don't want my mom to be in such a vulnerable situation. She has also stalked men during her manic episodes, and has made very inappropriate remarks.
I want to have a good relationship with my mom, and it has actually improved the last couple of years. We often have a good relationship when things are more stable, and I don't want to "abandon" her when things get hard for her, especially since I'm an only child and part of the care comes down to me. I don't want to feel ashamed or responsible about her behavior, yet I still do. I just got back from a vacation, but I spent a chunk of the time worrying about her.
I can see she's trying, but her disorder and addiction make things so difficult. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Any kind words and sharing of experiences are much appreciated.