To the annoying jaggoff sittin at the bar at Perly’s around lunchtime today
You grunted and groaned obnoxiously through every bite of food. You chewed with your mouth open. You fidgeted around endlessly and on top of it all, you got on your phone, on speakerphone no less, to have an asinine conversation about shorts you ordered with some type of points. You are the most annoying human I’ve shared a meal space with recently. For that, when I left, I took at least 1 step back to be as close as I could to you, and dropped the most putrid fart-bomb I could muster and shuffled out, just shy of shittin myself. I hope you enjoyed that, you jaggoff.