u/Potential_Ad_8816

My (28F) and my husband (26M) have been married for 4 years. We used to live abroad so when the relationship started it was just the two of us, as both families were in different countries.
My husband has an older sister (32F) that isn’t necessarily close, she was always somewhat avoidant unless she needed or wanted something from him. Once she called but he was on a deployment without his phone, on his birthday, he asked me to tell her to contact him to which she replied “not doing that”. She didn’t replied to texts or calls.
She’s in long relationships on/off with a “man” (38m) that I despise. She always complains that she is not his main priority, that she isn’t even engaged or living together yet. He is openly racist, xenophobic, misogynistic and honestly just all together nasty. Nasty to the point of saying black people are basically monkeys, that Spanish is a “jungle dialect” and that women shouldn’t have the right to vote. He also have guns that just lay around his room (he lives with his parents) which is literally gun safety 101: Lock it Up! She excuses the things he says by saying “it’s a joke”, “he’s not like that in real life” and that “do you think I’d stay if he was like that?” But she says herself that she doesn’t understand those topics and that she really doesn’t care to not know and not have an opinion. She already said “don’t make me pick because it would be him over you” to my husband, inside my house. And after that I lost any hope for her. They were also broken up one week prior to this interaction 🤡
My husband is black, she is black and they’re from a immigrant family. I am mixed and an immigrant myself in this country. My MIL doesn’t even speak English.
And now the thing is, I don’t want that type of people around me or my family. My husband knows that none of them are welcomed in our home, any of our events or our wedding. I don’t wanna be in her presence, I won’t be friends with her and if it’s up to me I will literally have no interactions with her.
At first, he said it would be very hard for him to pick between the two of us. When he said that, I automatically stopped feeling my legs. It was the first ever time I thought my marriage could end. After enduring military life by his side, leaving my job and moving countries, doing everything I could for him to have a nice family time (hosting thanksgiving, hosting cookouts, reminding him to call his mom and aunties), It made me feel worthless. In my head I could only think “She would pick a racist over my husband but my husband would have a hard time choosing”.
After one month and a half of me crying and trying to explain to him how that made me feel and what expectations he had for their relationship, he agreed with going no contact with her but baby steps, saying it is still his sibling and that they have to talk about their mom stuff, which I understand.
We had a long talk on how we would do it. I told him the best way I could think was to not engage (don’t send her random stuff and don’t engage if she does), talk about what you need to and that’s about it. He said ok.
Now fast forward 3 months, he showed me something on his phone and I saw he had send her a random tiktok. And that she had send him many others.
When I saw, I lowkey lost my ground for a second. I felt betrayed. How did we had all those talks between my tears for us to come to an agreement and now you doing this? He said that was never the agreement and that the content of the TikTok matters (it was about a hotel changing it’s colors for a celebration), I think it if we already agreed to not sending anything, the content don’t matter.
I’m lost and now we have a therapist appointment.
I just wanted to know if I’m being unreasonable? Am I going about this wrong? I don’t even know what I’m entitled to feel anymore.

Add info: I would also like to clarify that when he said he would have a hard time picking between me and his sister, I haven’t asked him to. We were talking about the subject and I was talking about something related to going NC but not even for him to go NC. I didn’t give him an ultimatum, he thought by what we were talking that he was being pushed to choose and it was unfair, and then said he couldn’t pick. That’s also part of why I felt the answer so strongly, I didn’t ask him to pick between us. We both agree that you can disagree but can’t force anyone to do or feel anything.

Edit to add: the quotes from the title are some of his own words to describe himself.
Edit 2 Add info