Girlfriend says she needs time after a bad sexual experience between us and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
Me (23M) and my girlfriend (21F) have been together for about 6 months.
A while ago we tried having sex for the first time and I couldn’t stay hard long enough to actually get it in. We eventually stopped trying and honestly never really spoke about it after that.
After that happened, whenever I tried to initiate anything sexual she would usually reject it. At first I just assumed maybe the timing was bad or I wasn’t approaching it right. One time I tried being a bit more direct/confident and she flat out rejected me again, which started making me feel like maybe she just wasn’t attracted to me.
She could tell it was affecting me and eventually asked to have an open conversation about it. She explained that her last sexual experience before me was really bad, and then after things didn’t work with us the first time, she started seriously overthinking sex in general and now feels like she needs time to get over it mentally.
Honestly, after she explained that, a lot of her behaviour started making more sense to me.
The problem is now I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. She’s not really the type to initiate sex or bring the topic up herself, so now it feels like we both avoid the subject completely, both physically and conversationally.
I don’t want to pressure her or make her feel worse, but at the same time I also don’t know how long I’m supposed to just leave things alone without talking about it. I care about her a lot and I’m trying to be understanding, but I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t affected my confidence too.
Has anyone been in a situation like this before? What’s the right balance between giving someone space and avoiding the issue entirely?