Prison Hooch Scorecard
I tried to make a"Is It Prison Hooch?" Scorecard. It needs work, but so far I have:
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The Cleanliness Baseline (Start Here)
+10 Points: sanitised equipment by wiping on shirt.
+9 Points: sanitised equipment using soap in hot shower
+7 Points: sanitised equipment using food-safe chemical sanitiser.
+5 Points: sanitised equipment using boiling water.
Modern Equipment Penalties
-1 Point: Fermenting in a proper glass/plastic carboy or demijohn.
-1 Point: Using a standard plastic or glass brewing airlock.
-1 Point: Pitching specialized brewing yeast (wine, champagne, turbo, or ale yeast).
-1 Point: Using proper commercial yeast nutrients (like DAP or Fermaid-O).
-1 Point: Brewing openly on a counter or dedicated brewing space.
Fermentation Vessel Improv Bonuses
- +1 Point: Fermenting directly inside a store-bought plastic juice bottle.
- +2 Points: Using a plastic trash bag, ziplock bag, or unvetted plastic bucket.
- +2 Points: Using a latex glove or balloon with a needle pinhole as an airlock.
Microbe & Nutrition Bonuses
- +1 Point: Using standard supermarket baker's/bread yeast.
- +2 Points: Relying purely on wild yeast from fruit skins or unwashed ginger.
- +2 Points: Boiling dead baker's yeast on the stove to act as a makeshift nutrient.
- +2 Points: Adding ketchup, tomato paste, or a crushed vitamin pill for "nutrition".
Stealth Bonuses
- +1 Point: Hidden away out of sight in a dark closet or wardrobe.
- +2 Points: Under a bed, wrapped in a blanket, or
- +3 Points: Hidden inside a bathroom fixture (like a toilet tank or behind the shower wall).
**Edited to include alternative sanitising methods.
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The Hooch Spectrum Classifications
Add up your final points to determine the true nature of your brew:
| Score | Classification | What It Means |
|---|---|---|
| 15 to 22 Points | Pure Inmate Innovation | Heavily improvised. Likely hidden in a closet, powered by bread yeast, and sealed with a balloon. High risk of tasting like jet fuel. |
| 8 to 14 Points | r/PrisonHooch Tier | |
| 1 to 7 Points | Budget Homebrew | Using too many proper tools. An airlock, wine yeast, and brewing openly on the counter means this is just a low-budget cider or wine. |