r/prisonhooch

I tried to make a"Is It Prison Hooch?" Scorecard. It needs work, but so far I have:

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The Cleanliness Baseline (Start Here)

+10 Points: sanitised equipment by wiping on shirt.

+9 Points: sanitised equipment using soap in hot shower

+7 Points: sanitised equipment using food-safe chemical sanitiser.

+5 Points: sanitised equipment using boiling water.

Modern Equipment Penalties

-1 Point: Fermenting in a proper glass/plastic carboy or demijohn.

-1 Point: Using a standard plastic or glass brewing airlock.

-1 Point: Pitching specialized brewing yeast (wine, champagne, turbo, or ale yeast).

-1 Point: Using proper commercial yeast nutrients (like DAP or Fermaid-O).

-1 Point: Brewing openly on a counter or dedicated brewing space.

Fermentation Vessel Improv Bonuses

• +1 Point: Fermenting directly inside a store-bought plastic juice bottle.
• +2 Points: Using a plastic trash bag, ziplock bag, or unvetted plastic bucket.
• +2 Points: Using a latex glove or balloon with a needle pinhole as an airlock.

Microbe & Nutrition Bonuses

• +1 Point: Using standard supermarket baker's/bread yeast.
• +2 Points: Relying purely on wild yeast from fruit skins or unwashed ginger.
• +2 Points: Boiling dead baker's yeast on the stove to act as a makeshift nutrient.
• +2 Points: Adding ketchup, tomato paste, or a crushed vitamin pill for "nutrition".

Stealth Bonuses

• +1 Point: Hidden away out of sight in a dark closet or wardrobe.
• +2 Points: Under a bed, wrapped in a blanket, or
• +3 Points: Hidden inside a bathroom fixture (like a toilet tank or behind the shower wall).

**Edited to include alternative sanitising methods.

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The Hooch Spectrum Classifications

Add up your final points to determine the true nature of your brew:

Score	Classification	What It Means
15 to 22 Points	Pure Inmate Innovation	Heavily improvised. Likely hidden in a closet, powered by bread yeast, and sealed with a balloon. High risk of tasting like jet fuel.
8 to 14 Points	r/PrisonHooch Tier
1 to 7 Points	Budget Homebrew	Using too many proper tools. An airlock, wine yeast, and brewing openly on the counter means this is just a low-budget cider or wine.

TL;DR: served my hooch wine at dinner with friends, was a total banger.

We had some friends over for an impromptu spaghetti dinner, but I had a few hours to prepare and make it nice. We crushed bottles of Malbec and Kindzmarauli (Georgian semi-sweet red wine) and topped off with a hard Georgian alcohol called chacha, and then I was "out" of wine... until I remembered my homemade Welch's Red that I'd made six months ago. It initially tasted awful, so I jokingly offered it to my friends. They accepted -- and it was fantastic! It was strong and tasted distinctly like a box of grape juice, but it honest to god tasted like wine. Everyone seemed happy with it (even my wife, who can be a harsh critic of my hooch).

Proud and buzzed, I found a small bottle of mead I made when we moved out of our old apartment over a year ago. I basically took whatever honey I had left and mixed it with water and let it sit. It too was a banger, on par with any bottled mead I've had. We ate, drank, and talked for hours over this stuff. I also served the last bottle of my homemade beer, which was a hit when I first made the batch and retained its title last night.*

Why am I writing this? Here in the US, homebrewing is seen as a niche hobby for enthusiasts, and hooching a desperate attempt for prisoners. The truth is that there really isn't a difference. You truly can make some fine beverages with which to entertain your loved ones. In southern Europe, many people grow grapes in their yards and ferment wine in their kitchens. The wine might not be the highest quality, but it serves its purpose: to bring people to one's table. I encourage you to invite your friends (and in lieu of any, your neighbors or random redditors from your r/hometown page), cook up some pasta, and serve your hooch. Embrace the southern European tradition of long, late dinners with endless pitchers of your best homemade brews.

*Though not hooch by definition, my methods were of hooch quality. Made my wort in a stockpot, fermented for a week in some growlers, and carbonated in some plastic bottles I bought from amazon. I originally bought a 10 lb bag of grain but received 20 lbs instead, and hops are dirt cheap here. I think the whole batch cost maybe $5 and I ended up with 8(?) bottles of a lager with a sweet, almost honey-like taste. You really don't need a lot of fancy equipment to make beer, just a stockpot, nylon straining bags, plastic juice containers to ferment in, and cheap plastic bottles (or recycled beer bottles). If you're thinking about it, just go for it. Your beer will taste better than any light beer from the store, at a minimum.

Happy hooching!

Bought myself 5 1L minute maid apple juices and 3 kg of natural granulated sugar was wondering if this ratio is ok and can I cut up apples and put them in the batch

I know it's a pretty bad choice since it has sodium benzoate in it as a preservative but a friend requested Baja blast wine and so I must oblige. I'm thinking I'll use the yeast cake from my previous brew since sodium benzoate inhibits yeast growth and maybe dilute it by half with water? I'm not sure how much that'll impact the baja blast flavor

Edit: after looking at golden hive mead....it actually should be completely fine? If I get the pH to around 6.0 it'll completely neutralize the sodium benzoate (while at that pH, it'll drop but it should be fine) and it should ferment like anything else. Ordered some PH strips and hopefully in a few weeks I'll be Baja blasting it

Wanted to try it but i dont even know where to begin. I know i need yeast..but thats it😓

I just finished up a white grape juice wash that sat for a few weeks with 12 tbsp of sugar. Mixed the final product with some lemonade and it straight up tasted like Twisted Tea, so I'm trying to keep the cheap experiment going.

I have two bottles of leftover yeast lees and a little bit of the grape ferment left at the bottom. I want to dump this old-ass bottle of Fanta (it's like 2 years old) straight onto the lees to see if it'll kick off a new batch.

https://preview.redd.it/d5vax02cfwah1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=a3c68e8dd1e8b5cc5694bd34c8a2c6109051d366