u/PracticallyTheSame7

I just retired. I (F/68) was laid off at the end of last year and after finally taking care if a chronic health issue with surgery and a long recovery, I did not have the enthusiasm to morph into another corporate "cultural fit", was able to so, so decided to just retire. I had planned to look at retirement in few years so I really wasn't psychologically or emotionally prepared. I am not much of a traveler, gave no grandkids to watch, and only had the idea of some volunteering and a micro business to help gig artists clean up their books.
So, now I am retired and having episodes that have been described as coming off cortisol (my job in technology was pretty deadline-driven and stressful). I had a checkup and tests and I am pretty healthy, but I think actually miss the stress! I thought I would jump in and start studying current bookkeeping (I had a small side business 20 years ago), and get cracking but don't have the same enthusiasm I had when kicking around the idea before the surgery (knee replacement). I want to take time to figure out what I really want to do. I honestly don't know what that is now!

I (American-born Asian, 40+) and my boyfriend (Caucasian) have been together 15 years. He lives with me in the house I own. My family is out of state and my son lives overseas. BF's family is in town. His dad is awesome to us. His brother is awesome. His stepmother and SIL are. . . less than awesome to us both. We have different views regarding religion and politics and, tbh, they are racist.Note that we never start those conversations but the stepmom and SIL do purposely start those conversations to bait us nd we try to change the subject.

A couple of months ago, I had pretty major surgery with a long recovery. I amon medical leave for it. His step mom texted me weeks prior to it to ask about my surgeon and the date. Note that since I have been with my bf, I have sent flowers to his step mom for birthdays and when she went in for treatments and when her treatments successfully concluded. (She's a cancer survivor.) His SIL had surgery and I sent her flowers, too. My BF fully expected them to send me flowers after my surgery, too. Nothing. (They have means, so it is not a matter of finances.) Even in the chat, no mention. Not even a cursory "good luck" or "hope it goes well". My BF was very upset and disappointed. TBH, My feelings were hurt, too.

Every year we have spent the holidays with them. We also have Fathers Day lunch at a restaurant with them. Every year. This year, the group chat did not mention Father's Day lunch. My BF called about lunch and was told by his stepmom that - and she has never said this in previous years - "He's not my father. You need to take care of it yourself. And, besides, the reservation can't be changed." ​ My bf was stunned. He called his brother, who fell on his sword, apologized and claimed he made the reservations and it was a total error on his part. (BF knew he was lying.) BF called his dad and made plans to take him to lunch.

Holidays with them have always been uncomfortable for me. I go because my BF doesn't see his father often. This year, I do not want to spend Christmas with them. I will be having a second TKR and plan on leaning into the long recovery as a partial excuse. ​ I also want to plan a new tradition for us to avoid them in following years. I am encouraging my bf to set up lunches with his dad and brother. (Putting reminders on my calendar - and removing reminders to send flowers to them!)

​ I feel like they alienated both of us, not just me. AITA for wanting to skip holidays with them?