u/Prayken

Hi, guys. For context, I live in a very homophobic/transphobic country (HRT is illegal even for adults and LGBTQ+ rights basically don't exist)

For all my life I had to hide who I am and "blend in" as much as I can. But now, I'm pushing 20 and I feel so miserable. I feel like I'm not living, just playing a role, always thinking "how much of my true self am I allowed to show?" And I don't want to waste all my youth like that.

I feel tired. I want to finally use that little freedom I actually have. I'm planning on cutting my hair (I always had short hair, but now I want to get masculine haircut specifically), buy new clothes (that actually make me feel good) and change my name since I am getting my papers updated this year anyway (to unisex one, since getting a male name is prohibited).

But I am kind of scared, to be honest. Not only because I am putting myself at risk of potentially getting hate crimed or bullied in my uni, but also because it might make relationship with my family complicated. Especially with my mom. She has been "guessing" that there is "something wrong" with me ever since I was 13 and she is not happy about it.

Do you have any advice for me?

PS: I apologise if my English isn't good enough, it's not my native language.

For real though, I felt kinda bad and I wanted to watch/play something with trans men. Finding anything with a trans person is already hard enough, but the problem is that if there is a trans character in the show it's either:

1. A background character/support character.

2. If it is not a cis character 70% of the time it's a trans woman (nothing against them, I'm just looking for a different thing)

3. If the trans character is actually THE MAIN character of the show, it's going to be fully ABOUT being trans. But I don't want that. I want to see people like me just have a "full story", live a normal life.

It's like trans men are invisible for mainstream media. Can you guys suggest something good to watch/play?