Im suicidal
Fuck this shitty life. I wanna kill myself. Im 15, male. And i have a shitty life, I grew up with an abusive dumbass mom who believes superstitions and force me to follow them even if i don't want to. She is extremely irrational and pressure me and make things difficult, turning the most smallest mistakes into big massive problems. We would argue everyday. Even if i was supposed to do my assignments for class, now i have to deal with thsi shitty mom. My dad would even support my mom rather than me. I'm so fucking trapped in this hellish hole. My mom is trying to break both physically and mentally. When i was 5 she stabbed with a fork on my lip and her reason was that i was biting my nails—she calls it fucking discipline. When i was 9 i was forced to pour a giant blue galloon filled with water to fill up our Pitcher, problem is i was weak at that time, i was 9, so i slipped and accidentally spill water, she got so mad she yelled and stomped on my head and told me to drink yhe water on the floor that i spilled as a punishment and "saving water." When i was 9 she wiuld hit me multiple times without me telling my dad about because if told that my dad about it she would hit harder.
Her abuse was so intense that i would constantly ran away from home and to my neighbors where i was stay at their place, crying and limping because of the intense pain and wounds she gave me as 'discipline'.
She even admits at my face that she would be glad if i were gone or be dead since I wouldn't be a problem to her, it stuck with me til now.
As I eventually grew older my dad also grew abusive and supportive of my mom's abuse.
They would use fear to control me and I can't do anything about it since if i call the cops, obviously they wouldn't do anything. And if i call authorities that handle child abuse cases im afraid i might get seperated from school or get targeted at school as the "abused child victim" i wouldn't like to get many stares at strangers because of this case.
I'm so fucking trapped. Even if i ignore my parents by not ever talking to them they would see it as defiance and immediately threaten punish me physically by beating me up.
Help help. I need fucking help, i really cant take this shit anymore. Right now I'm sleeping outside because my mom refused to open the door of the house because i accidentally knocked her stuff earlier and she saw it as breaking her things even though nothing was broken, and i specifically told her i was sorry and it was an accident yet she didn't listen and see it as disrespectful and ungrateful and immediately started to preach by explaning how she is responsible for feeding me and putting a roof over my head...
Fuck this stupid bitch.
I hope she goes to hell.
Im really pressured in school and at home. Even though i was supposed to focus on school work, I can't because of my parents abusive nature, always preventing me to have peace.
I hate thsi life. I hate them i hate thsi fucking country. I hate this fucking family.