u/PresentationUpbeat36

I've only recently started pet sitting and would really appreciate some advice from people with more experience.

I'm looking after a 4-year-old female cocker spaniel who arrived at my flat a two days ago. The owner described her as social, used to being around lots of people, great with kids and other dogs, with only some minor guarding issues (mainly that we shouldn't try to take toys out of her mouth).

However, things have been a lot more serious.

In two days, she has bitten me and my partner at least 5 times. Two incidents happened when she picked up sharp pieces of metal, so I understood why she reacted. The other incidents seemed completely unprovoked. Each time she broke a bit of skin, and we took pictures just in case.

Most of the time she's a genuinely happy, affectionate dog. Wagging her tail, seeking attention and happily accepting pets and belly rubs. But then, seemingly out of nowhere, she can switch to intense aggression. For example, the doorbell rang and we pointed towards the kitchen to stop her going for the delivery driver. We didn't touch her, but the pointing gesture alone triggered her. She suddenly went for my partner and bit down hard. Not just a quick warning or "leave me alone" snap, she really went for it.

What's so upsetting and confusing is that we can't work out what is distressing and triggering her.

I contacted the owner immediately after the first bite and asked if this has ever happened before. They apologised and said that she's probably just anxious because of the new environment and that she would hopefully settle.

She will be picked up in a few hours, so there's not much point cancelling at this stage. Until then, we're giving her plenty of space, avoiding unnecessary interaction/eye contact and keeping things as calm as possible.

I'm struggling with this because she's otherwise such a loving and well trained dog. I want to believe that the owner may genuinely not be aware of her behaviour around other people. In hindsight though, a few things bother me:

• They were quick to drop her off without a meet-and-greet. I didn't think much of it at the time as no client has ever taken me up on the offer. Lesson learned – it's something I'll insist on in the future before committing to taking a dog into my house.
• They didn't tell me how to manage the guarding issue, nor did they provide any information about the dog's routine (walks, feeding times, etc.). I realise I should have asked, but if the client doesn't provide these details I usually don't worry too much about sticking to a dog's exact routine. They usually settle in fine if they get food, treats and enough exercise. But if a dog is in any way anxious, then I'd like to keep some consistency in their routine as to not overwhelm them too much. Guess this sweet pup could have done well with it.
• They didn't provide a food and water bowl. Minor thing, but a bit weird? We don't have a dog so we're using our own plates. They also didn't bring a bed, just a clean towel for her to sleep on. No problem if that's what she's used to but I'm wondering if an item that smells of home could have prevented some of the escalations.

I think I mostly just need to air my frustration because she is such a loving dog otherwise. My partner and I love dogs and we were really looking forward to spending the weekend with her. We're so upset that instead it's left us shaken and injured.

We're wondering whether there were warning signs that we didn't recognise, whether there's something we've done to trigger this behaviour, or whether the owner has been completely irresponsible and simply hasn't been honest with us about the extent of her behaviour. It's difficult not to feel that we weren't given the information we needed to keep ourselves safe.

I've been at my current job for just over 12 months. It's been stressful from day 1 and going on for so long that I can't really tell anymore if the environment is the problem or whether I am.

On the surface, the workplace doesn't seem very toxic. My colleagues are nice people and I like most of them. Nobody yells, bullies, or steals my credit. No one ever said "we're all family here", the turnover is low-normal, and my manager ends every 1:1 with "thanks for everything you do."

But in the day-to-day, I feel like I'm going insane. Here are some examples:

• My manager will tell me to do something in the tone of "this is what you really should do" and then when I come back a few days later she'll go "no, why would you do that?"

• She also micromanages a lot. Today, she asked me to draft emails on behalf of our boss, kept adding small changes, and then told me to send it to her for review before it goes out, which made me think she should have just written it herself.

• She calls out every small error, of which I'm making a lot of them now, which is something that didn't used to happen in my old job. Every time her name pops up on my screen, I shrink a little inside, expecting to have done something wrong.

• When I mentioned my workload - 30+ big deliverables per year compared to ~6 of my co-workers - she said the comparison wouldn't really hold up. I've cried in front of her and our director once, saying how exhausted I am. They didn't care.

This also seems to be the spirit on a structural level: long hours and work over the weekends are normal for most. We are expected to use our phones for work but don't get any company phones, so work constantly bleeds into our personal lives. The strange thing is - no one seems to mind that much?! Everyone is "passionate" about the work, and whilst I do care, my life doesn't revolve around it.

I've grown professionally, for sure. But it's taken a toll: I feel like I can no longer trust my own judgement and second- guess every little thing I do. I've started over-explaining and over-communicating everything I do, because nobody trusts my judgment.

Or maybe it's just a me problem, and I'm just not cut out for a demanding job with high expectations?

If you found yourself in a toxic job, how were you able to tell? What were the signs?

And before you say it, I know I've got to get myself out of there!!

My partner's (34m) parents are extremely toxic. There's just fighting all the time, either side trying to drag him into it and speaking to him like he is their counsellor. They're behaving like stubborn children who never should have had children themselves. It has been this way since he was a child.

He's doing his best to communicate he won't be getting involved, is keeping his distance and only seeing them in person for their birthdays or Christmas. But it's not working.

Because/despite of how he's been brought up, he's turned out a remarkably "healthy" adult. But it's clear the constant lying, his mum's drinking problem, their relationship problems and affairs have left their mark on him.

The biggest one is probably that he says he trusts me with his life but deep down believes that everyone will screw you over at some point, even me. So he doesn't accept any help from me with this and thinks he has to figure everything out by himself.

He also doesn't see how therapy would make a difference. I can't even get him to look at this subreddit (he says he knows his situation isn't unique and it wouldn't make a difference).

I just feel so helpless. I think it would do him good (or at least no harm!) to talk to somebody so that he can find a way forward, whether that means cutting contact with his parents or learning to control his response to an escalating situation. Maybe he'd even learn to deal with his trust issues a bit and God knows what else he's buried over the years.

Grateful for any advice!