u/Prestigious_Draw521

For all intents and purposes, if anyone close to me sees this, this is all hypothetical. But I don't know how to feel right now. I've lost several family members throughout my life that I had known way better, so you would think by now a loss, especially by someone who the last time I've seen I was maybe 12 or 13. But I don't know. There's the feeling of those small handful of memories feeling like they took up so much more of my time now. I have the feeling that I wish I would have gotten more time, I have the feeling that those couple of times I was around I was not the best me I could be, and still kept myself a little closed off from the outside world which I now greatly regret. I feel like he was one of my coolest family members, and I really really wish I had been around more. And I don't mean for this to be a whole trauma dump, and I'm sorry for anyone reading who thought there would be more depth to this paragraph. But I honestly don't know how I'm allowed to feel right now. Because literally everyone else in the family knew this person way better than me, and I understand that regardless of my feelings I can't be the one who's really upset and crying about it because even if they don't say it, I know it would take so much away from the people who did know him really well. So if anybody did make it to the end of this, and has any advice. All I'm asking is what is the right balance of feelings right now? I've never really known how to regulate my own so any advice would be greatly appreciated. And to those who did and didn't read, I hope y'all have a good day