r/deepquestions

No one is ever gonna love me. No woman will genuinely be happy about my dick size. I will never be able to give her maximum pleasure. Hell she'll probably cheat on me anyway if she hasn't rejected me already just at the sight of it. Combine that with being short and chubby and you literally have the worst combination in physical characteristics for a man. I'm defective. I'm an abomination. Defective items get incinerated. Abominations are killed. Why should my ending be any different?

My question involves finding myself constantly pretending to not already know things and finding that others struggle with concepts that are easy for me to avoid insulting people. I'm not sure if I'm "smart" or if I'm in an environment that makes me feel that way. I don't know yet if I want to stay or if I need to find another environment.

I was always considered challenged, but I was homeschooled by parents who prefer to spend their time studying, have an exceptionally bright sister, only socialized in a nice church, and am dyslexic with auditory processing disorder.

I tested 111 IQ as a child, but I don't really care about that test and I feel like it is limited. I was tested because I have learning disorders.

My whole upbringing, I accepted that I had learning disorders, that I would have to work harder for everything, and that my potential was limited. I held the belief that I was not competent enough for any college education, but I recently took the leap to start nursing school because I hope to shift careers, because I needed a break from work, and because I could get housing assistance if I were a full time student. I expected that I may fail, but I wanted to give it a try.

Before starting school, I was in the boondocks, far into the woods and away from society.

Now that I'm in Scranton, Pennsylvania (where "The Office" is about) and in nursing school I find that I am a straight A student, most of my class is struggling, and everyone seems uneducated and emotionally stunted.

What happened? Is it unhealthy to be in an unchallenging environment? Where can I find a more challenging one?

My long term goal is to start a small farming community for people who are Deaf or fluent in ASL to live a lifestyle I'm happier with and to manufacture a workplace that uses ASL, my preferred language to use. I would like to reach a point where there could be dorms for young workers and a house for around 5 to 7 elderly to live with a resident nurse or rotating staff. That's just a dream and I may never have the resources to start, not to mention it's difficult to manage people.

I guess my less specific goal is to live a peaceful and happy life free of drama, and not to need to pretend to dumb myself down.

I would like it to be the years 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2022. Any way to go back to those?

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