[Complete] [84k] [YA Dystopian] Sunshine In The War
Hi everyone!
After more than a year of writing, I've finally finished the first draft of my novel, and before I begin querying literary agents, I'm looking for a few beta readers.
Sunshine in the War is a 84k-word YA dystopian novel and the first book in my planned trilogy, The Afterlight Trilogy.
Blurb:
When seven teenagers are kidnapped from school and taken to a hidden underground military base, they're forced to become soldiers in a war they never knew existed. As they endure brutal training, impossible missions and heartbreaking losses, they slowly become the family they never had - but surviving the war may cost them everything.
I'm mainly looking for high-level feedback, such as:
- pacing
- emotional impact
- character development and likability
- whether the story kept you engaged
- whether the ending made you want to read Book 2
English is my second language, and I'm hoping to traditionally publish in the UK, so I'd also really appreciate feedback from native British English speakers on whether the dialogue and narration sound natural. I'm not looking for line-by-line proofreading - just places where something sounds noticeably unnatural.
If this sounds like something you'd enjoy reading, I'd love to hear from you.
First 300 words:
“Lujza, can I ask something?” I asked as I was looking at the floor boards. They were dirty. Maybe I should clean it?
“Sure thing, tell me.” said Lujza as her eyes were glued to the phone screen.
“Do you…?” I needed to swallow before really asking the question. I carefully peeked up at her just to see her reaction. “Do you all hate me?”
Nothing, but silence. Fucking silence. I just know the answer… can she just say it out loud and clear?
“Why would you think that, boo? Of course not.” she said gently but didn’t even look at me.
“Lujza, you can tell me.” I said gently, now fully looking at her. “If you really hate me, please just tell me… tell me, what I did wrong so I can fix it. I’ll really change, I can assure you that at least I can try it.”
“Boo, we don’t hate you.” smiled Lujza gently and first in what felt like fucking years looked at me. She wanted to reassure me, but as I looked into her eyes I saw it. They don’t hate me, they loathe me. Did I do something so wrong that I don’t even deserve the chance to fix it?
“Thanks for being honest with me, you are the best.” I stood up, I just needed to leave before I start crying. I knew that not everyone would like me, but I just thought that we were getting along with my roommates. Well, I guess not. As I was walking down the hall, I met with the others – Vivi, Regina, and Leila – they were chatting and giggling, as we passed by I just smiled at them and went on my way, but they didn’t even seem to notice me.
Thank you so much! ❤️