[F] Questions about "symptoms"?
Hiii...
I was diagnosed with CPTSD in 2018 and also told I showed signs of being on the Bipolar Spectrum. My relationship with that psychiatrist ended due to insurance from job change and then severe depression dip took place....
My new psychiatrist has continually stated I have Cyclothymia. She mentioned my previous psychiatrist noting I was on the Bipolar spectrum combined with CPTSD symptoms and just gave insight on being misdiagnosed as a Black woman who reacts to provocation being common. [Background: ex with BPD continually put me in reactive situations and then would say I have BPD so I was convinced I has BPD and my psychiatrist and therapists have been working on that].
So now Im accepting that Cyclothymia might be the missing puzzle to what Ive been dealing with for decades and thought I'd reach out to others about my patterns and maybe see if anyone has experienced extended RELIEF 😬🥹
Some of the themes and patterns Ive noticed in myself are the following:
Bouts of deep depression and suicidal ideation [lifelong pattern that has gotten easier to manage but never fully goes away even with medication]
Paranoia that nobody truly cares and I need to accept being a loner despite having close friends who say they care.
I .ever feel LONELY in the sense of wanting others to be near but lonely in the sense of not truly enjoying most human connections. It's like I can just feel there's rarelyndepth to most connections? People aren't really wanting to truly be deeply connected and I do so it makes me feel very "other" or "strange"
Paralyzing internal dialogue. I struggle to do ANYTHING I want to do without body doubling. I have low energy and just can struggle to leave the house unless it is to connect with another person. But even then I flake alot and rather just be home.
I prefer my own company but I dont get myself out enough doing the things that would help me enjoy life more.
Ongoing depression that never fully leaves. It isnt always mental but the physical depression is always there...
I can't think of anything else specifically right now.
Does this sound familiar or relatable? Have yall been able to see any progress in these areas?
Like it would be DELIGHTFUL to have more energy.
I am taking fluoxetine. I tried something else and it gave me severe frustration and inner anger vibes. I forgot the name.
Fluoxetine seems to help with clarity but I still dont be leaving the house and getting outside.
Anyways...hope that made sense.