My last post made me realize how differently some people view relationships
About a week ago, I made a post titled “How do you stop craving this?” where I talked about wanting to stop craving a relationship. After reflecting on WANIM and what I believe is best for me, I decided that learning to let go of that desire might be healthier than constantly chasing something I may never find.
I received some genuinely helpful advice, but I was surprised by how many responses dismissed my perspective. Several women messaged me to say things like, “We love men!” or “You don't have to be Chad to find someone!” Others told me to keep being myself, treat women well, open up, and eventually I'd find the right person.
I understand the intention behind this advice, but it felt as though my experiences were being ignored. I've been kind, respectful, and willing to open up. I've had relationships before, and I don't struggle to socialize with women. Yet people still assumed I must be awkward, unattractive, or doing something wrong simply because I've become skeptical about relationships.
That's what frustrates me most. Why is it so difficult to acknowledge that someone's experiences might have led them to a different conclusion? I'm not claiming to have everything figured out, but I don't think telling someone to stay positive and wait for the right person adequately addresses their concerns, either.
I also recognize that not every woman is the same. I've seen examples of genuine love in my own family, and I don't hate women. However, seeing both the good and the bad has made me question how realistic my expectations of relationships should be. Stories of people doing terrible things, and others defending them, only reinforce my concerns about human nature and accountability.
Ultimately, I don't want to spend my life chasing validation or convincing myself that a relationship is guaranteed if I just do everything right. I'd rather focus on myself and accept uncertainty than build my happiness around the hope that someone will eventually love me.
What bothers me isn't that people disagree with me. It's that some seem unwilling to consider why I might feel this way in the first place. I don't expect everyone to share my outlook, but I wish people would engage with my experiences instead of dismissing them with reassurance.