u/Pristine-Stranger-82

ako uyab, dili jud matuman amo laag kung di pa ko muhilak

perminti ni mahitabo. dili pajud mi makagawas bsag pagdate2 or paggrocery kung dili pako magkisikisi ug pagpamugos manlakaw mi.

today, nahitabo nasad. pero karon, kusog na kaayo ako hilak unya nihigda ra sya, natug balik.

for context, I had a rough week at work. recently promoted ko, and continue ra hgapon akoang pagtrain sa mupuli nako. as a result, sa ako magpahungaw ang bag-o, tas naa pajud mi kauban sa work na pagkatoxic na man lang ug ugali. duha kabuok, and kay di ko ganahan ug gubot, permi na lang nako iluom.

wala koy lain mapahungawan npero ma-feel better rajud ko kung makalaag2 o makahawa rajud ko sa room and sa office for a long time.

last monday pajud ko nag ingon sa ako uyab na ganahan ko muadto ug church sa laing town kay toa si st anthony of padua kay ganahan ko managkot mi kay I've been feeling lost lately, and I've learned St. Anthony of Padua is the best to come to when you're lost, kay I wanted to pray for the both of us kay mutake pa syag BE, while ako lost pa sa career bsag naa nay progression. I just want to feel the comfort of believing that st anthony would listen to me.

our lakad is supposed to be kagahapon, saturday. ako daw sya gisingon ug alas dos sa hapon. pag alas dos, sige'g unya na, unya na. hantod nag alas singko na lang and we weren't able to go out. ana sya, ugma na lang (karon) basta pukawon nako syag alas syete kay mas ganahan sya mulakaw ug buntag. alas singko pa lang, mata na ko, tas pag alas syete, ako sya gipukaw, gi timplahan ug choco milk ug gi-prepare-an ug breakfast.

dayon, di mi makalakaw kay gisip-on sya, kahilantanon.

dako kaayo akong pagka-hurt. nasakitan jud ko pagmaayo. nihilak nasad ko. mura kog namatyan sa kakusog sa ako hilak. mas kusog pa ron kay kabalo ko, valid kaayo ang reason nganong di mi makalakaw today. nagsge ko ug hilak tas natug ra sya balik. ni-understand ra pud ko ngano di sya ka comfort kay lagi, lain pud iya paminaw.

nagka anxious na sad ko knowing that musud ko ug work this week without renewed strength.

I guess nibug-at rajud ako paminaw more kay tungod sa frustration, ug sa kaguol na musud sa trabaho without, kani, renewed strength, and wala ko nakapahungaw.

God, I just wish for better days to come.

bag-ong hire na bossy bantog kabalo na hold by the throat ang among tinuod nga boss by their family, workmate na manaot ug lain colleagues to make herself feel better about herself so much so nga maanxious ko magdugay syag tambay sa uban section kay basin gchikahan nami.

makasweldo ra lagi pang-gasto pangrelease ug relief sa stress gkan sa opisina.

single (literally, not a breadwinner, nakabukod sa pamilya, living alone, working and earning enough for myself)

listens to podcasts on getting better, financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally hoping it would at least wake something in me to feel… something 😭

has a law school scholarship offer on the plate

my credentials are good, I think 😭

yet, why is it I’m not pressured to be a big thing in this life? I came from a poor family, literal na ako lang nagpapaaral sakin dati. you would think someone with this experience, mas magiging eager pa to become big. pero wala, hahahahaha

nakakatravel naman ako within my region nga lang and that alone for me is enough. I’m not at all interested in traveling sa labas, finding a hobby, or… experiencing in general. I’m also JOMO (joy on missing out) 😂😭

I’m trying to tell myself that I’m just feeling this way kasi it felt I was in multiple wars when I was in college what with I had to go through— ‘yung multiple sidelines while actively trying to be an excellent academic achiever (which I achieved naman) and that I’m trying to heal from all of that which is why I’m bathing in this easy life muna

pero kasiii, it’s been months since I graduated and I can’t help but feel these tiny urges to upgrade…. pero not enough to actually get UP and do something 😭

tell me unhinge things I needed to hear para gumalaw LOL HAHAHA