r/AlasFeels

Nirereject ko yung idea na baka (fearful/anxious) avoidant ako. For the longest time, akala ko independent lang ako kasi gusto ko. Although, I truly love being alone and minding my own business... it gets lonely din minsan.

I pushed my feelings aside and cared too much about other people's feelings and perception of me kaya heto si gaga, lost.

Nakalimutan kong magkaron ng pakealam sa iba kasi the moment that I care, nasasaktan lang ako.

I always always trust the wrong people. And I hate myself sa huli when it happens.

Sanay ako sa friends na hindi clingy or supportive type bukod pa sa parents na hindi rin ganon ka-showy sa isa't isa. People who I know are only into casual stuff when they're dating. So yeah, people around me did affect the way I see relationships and the way I process my own feelings. Feeling ko bawal maging clingy or showy.

And it kills me kasi I'm not the type to be who I am when I know they ain't gonna like me for me. I usually mirror who I am with.

Mababaw how it sounds like but I'd love to truly fall in love and be loved for who I am.

Di ko naman isisisi totally sa lahat ng nakapaligid sakin kung bakit ako ganito but they had an impact for sure and the long period of time na naging ganito ako was enough to turn my whole being into someone I am not.

I was called distant and nonchalant as a joke but I think that's half meant. I truly stopped caring for people especially when they harm my peace.

Now it's hard for me to want to get to know someone without fearing na baka when they get bored of me or when they see something in me na di nila magustuhan or iba ako sa idea nila sa isip nila ay they'll lose their feelings and respect towards me.

Kasi I was used to mirroring people nga. What if they see me for who I am and I wasn't who they had in mind? Easy to say, "then they're not the right person for you" but it's hard if you have feelings for someone and you naturally wanna get on their good side.

I genuinely wanna love and be loved pero parang ang hirap nowadays. It doesn't help that my hobbies, interests, and lifestyle are not the usual things I see in dating posts/profiles.

I think this is my day 2 of yearning and venting. I wanna experience love. But like I said in my previous post, I'm not ready to get hurt.

I always think that love and pain go hand in hand but can't the world be a little gentle and go easy on me with the hurting?

I wanna love but I don't know how to truly love someone beyond my idea of love.

Akala ko talaga okay na sakin mag-isa at maghintay na baka may dumating, pero gusto ko na talaga ng someone na maglalabas ng clingy side ko at tuturuan akong magmahal.

It'll take someone very gentle, understanding, and patient to teach me how to love. Hindi naman dapat obligasyon ng iba to in the first place, pero I'd love to be with someone na mataas both EQ and IQ to the point na it'll flow in me rin.

Ang dami kong sinabi. Tignan niyo, takot pa rin akong magmahal sa mga susunod na araw.

may we never find a love in someone who will give us everything but the assurance they’ll stay.

for nbsb girls out there, not every inviting soul is heaven’s sent. people are designed to be social and i get that. but if a guy comes off too friendly, just dont give your heart right away because some are just there for the fun. when reality crawls back you will only be left alone.

When you start feeling something for a friend who seems too close to you, SET that fucking BOUNDARIES. know your place as early as possible. give only the rightful people the keys to your heart. And believe it or not, a platonic friendship seems impossible for a girl who has been longing all her life.

So please girls, save yourself from heartache. Be brave enough to ask. Be brave enough to leave when the place given to you doesnt seem to be what you wanted and needed.

It will take sometime but i hope I too will be able to let go someday.