u/Probably_Fine3

This is our first experience with travel softball, so I'm genuinely trying to figure out what's considered "normal."

My daughter plays 10U travel, and the coach is incredibly intense. I understand that travel ball is more competitive than rec, and I absolutely want my daughter to be challenged and held accountable. But this feels like it's crossing a line.

He's constantly yelling. If a girl strikes out, he'll tell her it's "unacceptable," and girls have been benched for striking out. On defense, he's shouting instructions on nearly every pitch, telling each player exactly where to move. If someone makes a mistake, he's yelling immediately, and it's not uncommon for him to pull a player from the game right after an error.

It's gotten to the point where the girls seem terrified of making mistakes. Instead of playing loose and confidently, they're playing scared because they're worried about getting yelled at. They're almost like puppets, constantly looking to the coach instead of just playing the game.

It's also not unusual for a girl to end up in tears during a practice or game after being singled out.

Almost all of the parents are frustrated, but everyone seems hesitant to say anything.

So I'm curious, those of you with more travel experience, is this actually common at the 10U level? Is this just part of competitive travel ball, or is this coaching style outside the norm?

I want my daughter to reach her potential, but we're talking about 9- and 10-year-old girls. I'm trying to figure out if my expectations are off or if this is genuinely not how youth travel softball should be....

How do you explain to a child when they're starting to realize a parent only seems to do the bare minimum?

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For context, my daughter is 10. Her dad and I have been divorced since she was 3. As she's gotten older, she's become much more aware of who shows up for her and who doesn't.

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Her dad will attend her activities, but generally only when it falls during his parenting time. For example, she plays softball. His time ends at 7 pm, but her games usually run until 8 pm. He never shows on the days that arent his afternoons. Since parents can both attend without any issue, he could stay, but he routinely leaves about 30 minutes into the game, usuallyat 7pm on the dot. She's noticed and comments on it.

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Recently, she made the All-Star team. It was a one night event with skills competitions and a game. She really wanted her dad there. He chose to leave at 7 to watch his stepson's regular league game instead. The stepson has games twice a week during the season, while this was her one and only All-Star event.

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At the end of the night, awards were handed out for the skills competitions. My daughter won a medal, and her dad wasn't there to see it.

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She has told me she feels like she's treated as less important than her stepbrothers and sometimes feels like the odd one out in her dad's household, but not old stepmom but Dad too. She's confused, hurt, and angry. When I've brought concerns up to her dad, his response is that he has a family and has to balance everyone's needs. I don't see the issue with divde and concor. Her Dad comes and watches his daughter, and the boys Mom goes and watches the son. The boys biological Dad are active in their lives too.

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I'm struggling with how to respond when she asks why he leaves early, misses things that are important to her, or seems to prioritize others. I don't want to badmouth her father, but I also don't want to invalidate what she's clearly seeing and feeling.

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For parents who have been through something similar, how did you handle those conversations with your child?

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My daughter is currently on a 10u team, that is turning out to not be a good fit. There are a couple other local teams we are looking at trying out. What are people's thoughts on me reaching out before tryouts to better understand their program, expections, etc beforehand? I dont want to put my kid through tryouts if the team isnt what we are looking for, but also dont know if this is frowned upon?

Why would a coach not bat all the girls in pool play? Pool play was 3 games, and there were a few girls that either didnt bat at all or only 1 of the games. We have 13 girls.

I understand bracket play only batting your top 9. But as a 1st year 10u team, I am not understanding not giving every girl the opportunity to bat in pool play.

We are a 1st yr 10u team, most of us played together as 8u last year and every kid bat.

How do people go about changing travel teams? I dont believe the team my daughter is on is the right team for her. She is working through a fear of getting hit by the ball. Last year was machine pitch, now kid pitch. She is making progress, is able to hit off most pitchers at practice. But her coach is still not giving her playing time, even in the field. Shes expected to go to tournaments but does not get played. It seems as if his mind is already made up about her. My daughter still goes to every practice a couple times a week, and is there cheering her team on at games, but seems to be getting defeated. He is all about winning, but this is also still a 10u team. She is not going to get better unless she is given some opportunity.

Do you just go to open try outs? Do you reach out to other coaches?