How are you dealing when your needs are not met because of your partner's ADHD?
DX M(34) - untreated (me F(35)) has ADHD (and I think he might be a slightly little bit on spectrum as well). Overall, from the beginning of our relationship - 3yrs with a few break ups - we have been struggling with different communication styles, needs and expectations. I’m a very open person and I need a lot of communication, stability, proactivity from the partner, support in general - I’m used to give this as well. Unfortunately, my partner is struggling with it. It’s not about him not wanting to but he „learns“ only when things go wrong or when we are on the verge of a breakup. I’m honestly internally really exhausted because I feel like I’m driving and pulling the relationship. In the last few weeks, his lack of support in a really difficult life situation has made me feel exhausted. I started to create a sort of distance - and when I'm not proative, neither is he and we basically haven't seen each other for two weeks. I don’t want to punish him for his ADHD, I know he’s trying - but I also have to be extremely specific what I need, how things should be. And since no situation is alike, we are going through it every single time. My therapist told me to have a list of needs that need to change (f.e. the proactivity/communication - in a specific amount of time and then see). But right now I don’t want to invest into it anymore. I do have feelings for him and I know he loves me very much but I feel burnt out and anxious. And I just think it’s because of his ADHD but I don’t know how to deal with the situation anymore.
Anyway - what is your experience? Did you break up with your partner because of the ADHD - how was it? Or is it possible to get over this feeling of constant frustration and exhaustion? Thank you!