Am I wrong for wanting to keep my birthday trip instead of paying for a family expense?
I'm in my mid-20s and I'm torn between prioritizing my savings and going on a solo birthday trip next week (Thailand, Oct 18 - 23) I've been looking forward to.
My round-trip flight is already booked and non-refundable, and I've booked a hotel that I can still cancel for free. I haven't booked my activities yet.
Here's my dilemma: my mom wants me to shoulder around ₱26,000 for replacing our family car's tires. I understand that tires are important for safety, and I'm not saying we shouldn't maintain the car. However, paying for them would mean sacrificing my birthday trip or cutting back significantly on my travel budget.
For context, I earn around ₱100k per month from my work. That might sound like a lot, but I also have monthly obligations of around ₱50k–₱60k, which should end later this year. One of my income sources may also end around that time, so I'm trying to be more careful with my money going into next year.
As of today, I have around ₱180k in cash savings. I know that might seem like a decent amount, but I haven't established a proper emergency fund yet. I'm concerned about my income potentially decreasing, and I want to make sure I have enough savings to support myself if that happens. That's why spending another ₱26k feels significant to me, even though I can technically afford it right now.
We're a family of five. My mom is a single parent, my older brother lives abroad, and my two other siblings are still in college. I understand that my mom has a lot of responsibilities, and I want to help my family, especially while my siblings are still studying.
However, my older brother rarely sends money home, at least from what I've seen. When family finances come up, my mom sometimes makes remarks about how my brother is also having a hard time abroad. I understand that living abroad isn't easy, and I'm not saying he has no struggles. But sometimes I can't help asking myself: what about me?
I'm working hard, paying my own bills (rent, electricity, internet, internet for my college sibs) and obligations, trying to save for my future, and still helping my family. I feel like I'm expected to understand everyone's situation, but I don't always feel that the same understanding is extended to me.
Now, with the tire replacement, I feel guilty even thinking about continuing with my birthday trip. Part of me thinks I should cancel it because the tires are a legitimate family expense. Another part of me feels frustrated because I work hard for my money, and I don't want every personal plan to become something I have to give up whenever a family expense comes up.
I've solo-traveled internationally a few times recently, so I know some people might say I've already traveled enough and should focus on saving. I agree that I need to be financially responsible. I'm not trying to pretend that travel is a necessity. But I also don't want to feel like enjoying the money I earn is selfish just because my family has financial needs.
I'm not against helping my mom. What bothers me is the feeling that I might be expected to shoulder expenses without a clear conversation about what everyone can reasonably contribute. I don't know if I'm being selfish or if I've simply become too used to putting my family's needs ahead of my own.
What would you do in my situation?
- Cancel the hotel and skip the trip, accepting the non-refundable flight cost, and preserve my remaining cash for the tires and emergency fund?
- Still go on the trip, reduce my spending, and pay for the tires separately?
- Talk to my mom about sharing the expense or setting clearer financial boundaries?
- Am I wrong to feel resentful that my brother's struggles seem to be acknowledged while mine feel overlooked?
I'd appreciate honest advice, especially from people who support their families while trying to build their own financial security. I don't want people to tell me to travel just because it's my birthday. I genuinely want to know if I'm being financially irresponsible or if it's reasonable to want some balance between family obligations and my own life.