I can’t get over the fear of getting pregnant again
Hi all. i’m 23 and i had an ectopic back in september. basically, the cause of it was that my first OB placed my IUD wrong or measured myself uterus wrong or something like that and my IUD sat in the opening of my cervix for 3 years. once they found out i was pregnant they removed it. the crazy part was it took 3 weeks of suspicion, 3 doctors, and 5 internal/external excruciatingly painful intervaginal altrasounds just to get misdiagnosed and have my tube ruptured to find out that i had an ectopic. i was in the beginning of my last semester of university and my life changed.
my dr and i all disscussed going back on birth control so not being on one isn’t an option. the nexplanon made me very suicidal, depo is giving people brain tumors, and ive never been good on the pill. so now that im back on the IUD im mortified. every ache and bump makes me scared im constantly aware of my right tube now since it’s my only one. right now i came down with something and its the was everyone describes pregnancy flu. no fever just runny green mucus, the worse head abs neck pain, and diarrhea. plus my nipples hurt. so two tests one last night one as soon as i woke up nothing. i think part of me wants a happy healthy baby in utero but im not ready.
i’m scared and im not pushing for a baby any time soon but still i have 3 more years of my grad program before i can even consider a family but i just wonder if this fear will ever die down or go away. i think right now i may be a little emotional because mother’s day just happened and a friend who was pregnant and the same time 2 week apart had her baby a bit ago and it was just salt in the wound. i also just found out a friend of mine is 5 weeks and that’s around the time i found out about my ectopic. also stg 4 or 5 girls i went to school with jut had babies and facebook is torturing me. its just weird right now.
did any of you ever get over that fear of being pregnant. i just can’t keep dealing with the panic attacks when i feel a pain on my right side or spending 30 dollars on pregnancy tests a month it’s exhausting.