u/Professional_Toe9368

I want to fall in loveeee. I don't want to be touched and then forgotten, or to be someone's last choice. I want to belong to someone...get to know their inner and outer selves...fall in love again and again. But where is he? The man of my dreams, the other half of my soul?

I swear being suppressed in a country like this only makes my heart ache wilder and wilder. I just want a best friend who is hot and finds me hot too and kisses me and cherishes me.

I'm 18M from Lahore and I'm gay. I prefer masculine guys who are actually serious about love. Please hmu...this post is like an echo of longing and hope into the void

We all start with religious shit and then a time of whether we're really comfortable with accepting our true identity instead of pretending it does not exist.

For some it comes late, for many it happens early. I was 14 when I finally accepted myself and overcame societal and religious boundaries. I felt like I had accomplished something grand but it was just the beginning of emotional dilemmas.

"I'm gay...I won't tell anyone about it. I should be fine."

Well there's a silent darkness that soon grows inside your chest and it gnaws at your flesh. Then you start to crave escape. You search for community. You can't bear any more micoagressions or hide your truth all to yourself. Then you find online spaces. You feel hopeful again until you discover many of the gays here are "age area role" freaks. They're even more lonely than you, masking it with sex. You feel hopeless but still you get to find a few sane people.

Then comes the desire for belonging. Now you wonder when will you find a secure bond that promises longevity? People call you desperate, horny, stupid but at the end of the day you just want what a human always deserved. Love. Warmth. Touch. Safety. No over analysation of your presence. Escape from conditional loving families and hollow minded homophobes.

It's just unfair.

Making friends is hard

Finding a lover is hard

Trying to be nonchalant about everything is even harder