u/Proud-Amphibian-8934

They talk for five minutes straight, infodumping and reminiscing and asking question after question that has no answer so then they start hypothesizing and theorizing and 'what if'-ing and going on and on and on and on, stream of consciousness, completely oblivious to the fact that others aren't having the same joyful experience they are. And then, when they finally stop for half a second and you think it's finally your turn to talk, you can only manage to get out two sentences before they have another thought that they have to share RIGHT NOW, and they interrupt and carry on for another five minutes.

If you say "I was talking, can I finish please?" they'll let you have another two sentences, but the whole time you're talking you can see them stimming and staring over your shoulder, barely able to contain themselves and when you're done they don't even engage with anything you said, they just resume their rant. If you try to jump in at minute three to add a point, they get upset at you for interrupting them. All they want is an audience for their five-paragraph essay—introduction, supporting evidence, conclusion. When you finally give up and make some excuse to be elsewhere they thank you for the wonderful conversation.

Fuck, it makes me feel so fucking small. Other people don't fully exist to them, we're just tools they use to manage their own feelings.

My (strongly suspected) ASD sibling was very easy to anger and would often explode at me for doing normal kid things like trying to play or sitting nearby. They'd get very violent and scream in my face that I should die once a week or so until I was fourteen. My parents had to take me to emergency a few times and apparently they were investigated by child welfare for a short time. They would punish my sibling inconsistently and I was often punished too for "starting things". It didn't help that my father would also hit me when he thought I was annoying my sibling, so they justified their own violence as "discipline" too. Eventually my parents stopped punishing them entirely. I was told "That's just how they are, we can't change it, leave them alone, you should know better."

I find it very difficult to talk about because I have no idea what's normal? My family always said it was normal and that I was oversensitive and brought it on myself, but I lowkey mentioned it to a few people lately and they were shocked. I sort of remember other adults expressing alarm at how my sibling treated me when I was younger but nothing was ever done about it. There's always a voice in the back of my head telling me that I'm the one in the wrong, but I think it was bad enough? I think I'm allowed to be hurt?

I feel like the autistic community refuses to admit that autism can lead to violent behavior and say all kinds of things to deflect accountability. And I know they feel the same way I do, and from their perspective they're being invalidated and people are ignoring their needs and facing no accountability. I get it, I do. I'm happy to make reasonable accommodations and tolerate some behaviors I find disruptive if it helps them avoid "meltdowns" (that term feels like such a euphemism). But can we draw the line at physical violence? Reading explanations of violent "meltdowns" feels like reading abuser's logic: "I didn't want to but you made me do it."