Not sure where to go from here
Sorry if this is long but im not really sure whats the best move. I (30M) found out that my wife(29F) almost cheated on me and its been an up and down roller coaster from there. It started of with her out of nowhere telling me she didnt think she wanted to be with me anymore. We have two kids age 3 and 4 and been together for 7 years married for 3 so I was completely thrown of at how sudden it was. And not in a stereotypical emotionally distant husband who doesnt notice his wife is miserable. We communicate had check ins on how we felt our marriage was going tried to make time when we could afford a date night etc. So when she told me she didn't want to continue our marriage I felt lot of emotions but mostly frustration at how I felt there should have been communication, therapy, something to at least try to save our marriage for the kids sake. When I pressed her I found out it was because she was having a lot of urges to flirt back with coworkers who flirted with her and found herself having sexual feelings toward some. I offered an open marriage (I know really fucking dumb but I was desperate to safe the marriage) and she agreed. However when she started messaging a guy she met online the amount she was messaging him was much more then you'd message a fling. Like through out the day mostly sexual but still. One of our rules was we could look at messages between other partners.But another was communication was limited and just to set up meet ups. I told her that was breaking a boundary for me and realized then how dumb this was. I told her that I wanted to just try and work on our marriage and if she still didnt want to continue we could at least say we tried. She agreed and we talked about all the ways we could be more intentional about our relationship. A day later were shopping and shes acting super distant. I demand to see her phone which she refuses to show me at first but eventually does and I see shes still texting the guy. Super sexual language and plans to meet up at her job etc. I drop her off at her friends and tell her were divorcing. We talk a few times after and she basically says she doesnt think she loves me enough to continue a relationship with me and shes not in love with me. A week later I cool down and come to her asking again if we can just go to couples therapy and work on our marriage. We have had a real stressful couple of years with the birth of our kids basically back to back and I thought maybe we just lost the spark being in survival mode. She agrees, I later find out when asking if theres anything else I need to know that she contacted her ex from years ago. I asked why and she said just to see if he would respond. She was feeling lonely and sad about everything going on and wanted a distraction. I was suspicious about the actual conversation and again asked to see the convo or for her to tell me what actually happened first before I had to catch her in a lie. She goes on to tell me she basically reached out at first to catch up but loved taking to him again. Hes engaged so he made it clear he wasnt interested in her that way but she sent him voice messages crying and saying how she would have done anything to fix their relationship back then even though she broke up with him and that she was basically willing to wait for him if he changed his mind. He says he doesnt want to be with her like that and just wants to be friends and blocks her on most social media. Also she later admits she met up with the guy she almost cheated on me with one more time after we broke up and was texting him a few days after too. She swears up and down it was just a self destructive spiral and that she doesnt know why she did it. Im shocked but agree to go to therapy to see if we can work this out for the kids sake. Shes not living with me or the kids right now. She says she wants to work things out its been 3 months since then. I know the obvious answer is to leave and if it wasnt for the kids and the fact she has a lot of trauma in her life that may have contributed to this I would have a while ago. But im so confused on how she can do all of this and seem so sure she doesn't want to continue the marriage one day and now she seems so sure she wants to work it out even saying she doesnt even think about the ex anymore which i dont think she realizes just makes it look like shes lying more cause how can yku be sending crying voicemails saying your willing to wait for an engaged guy one minute then just a few months later saying you dont even think about him. I obviously feel like a second choice but I want to keep the family together more then anything. At the end of the day im not staying in a marriage I'm unhappy in just for the kids. I know the obvious answer is to leave but how sure she seems she wants to work it out also has me hesitating. She has been in therapy and doing a lot of the right things to prove shes sorry and trying to be better.There was another situation early on in our relationship where she almost broke up with me out of nowhere too something with her and a coworker not sure on all the details but then she decided to stay with me. I get this is insane and idiotic im just looking for any advice. She seems so certain she wants to stay and seems so regretful but when I consider her actions its obviously showing something different.