[In Progress] [36k] [Adult Progression Fantasy / Light Novel] Outsider
Hello, this is a draft of the first fantasy novel I'm writing, as well as my first post on this subreddit.
Fren, an outsider to the world, is on a journey to join a hunter's guild. On his way to the capital, he is joined by an eccentric and kind priest named Grey. Together, they must navigate a town overrun by the undead, deal with a bandit crisis alongside a mysterious eyepatched archer, and face the high stakes of a brutal guild qualification course.
I have will DM a link to a 3,600-word sample (an interlude and the first two chapters) so you can get a feel for the prose, dialogue, and pacing before committing to the full 36k manuscript.
Feedback I am looking for:
- Character Dynamics: Do the characters feel distinct and function properly? (e.g., are the comedic moments landing, or do characters risk becoming annoying?)
- Pacing & Exposition: Is the pacing engaging? Is there a good balance between world-building details and active plot progression, or does it feel rushed/clunky?
- Scene Execution: Are the combat scenes interesting and easy to follow? Is the tension effective? Are the payoffs feeling good and deserved?
- Structure: Does the current progression-focused arc structure work well? Is it too different from normal books and novels to feel like a cohesive story?
- Core Concept: Is the overarching story and magic system compelling enough to make you want to finish the story and maybe even read book 2?
- Language Polish: English is my second language. While I am primarily looking for structural feedback, I would appreciate it if you could point out recurring grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, or tense consistency issues.
I am only putting a partial cut of my manuscript so the final guild course arc will not be included since I am currently rewriting it. I am happy to do a critique swap for a manuscript of similar length. Thanks for reading! 😎