I dont want love, or kids, but everyone calls me crazy.
Over time I've slowly realized that I dont want love. I've tried to deny it or brush over it, ignore it and all the things. Yes, I can still feel romantic attraction, but i'm just not interested in it now. Like everytime I think about feeling love, or imagine dating someone I get this pit in my gut that just wont go away. Its like I swallowed a rock and its just uncomfortable and annoying. And dont get me started on thinking about sex. It makes me genuinely want to puke and I feel horrible. I get chills and feel like i wanna cry. But everytime I even bring it up to anyone, parents, friends, church members, they all tell me I'll "change my mind." Or, "Once you find the man you wont even think about it anymore." Or "Love is natural and everyone wants to feel it. Dont be silly." Or anything like that. So I just dont bring it up now. But as i'm getting closer to 18 and people bring it up more, Its now getting unavoidable. Like i'm planning on going to collage and when I bring it up people just talk about how they met their husband there or about their love lives. It makes me feel uncomfortable and kinda gives me the hee-bee-gee-bees. Like its some kind of fate I cant escape. And it gets way, WAY WORSE, if I even touch on maybe not wanting kids in any conversation. I get scolded or looked at like i'm crazy. Like my mom got so mad at me when I brought it up once. She legit scolded me for around fifteen to twenty minutes. Ngl I kinda blocked it out, but if anyone wants to know about it I'll try and remember what I can. But basically people just tell me "I'll change my mind," and that i'm "Too young to decide now." Or, "God comanded it." Whitch I get, but like... What if its genuinely not for me? Should I just shut up and do it anyways for God? Like I'm so confused and have been crying over this for a long time.