r/ldssexuality

I know this topic might be uncomfortable and I’m making this post with honestly and as much respect as possible. I certainly don’t want to offend anyone.

In the past, the Church has taught that members should marry within their own race. My father was also a big proponent of the same. In the past 20 years I’ve heard nothing more of it from the Church.

I’m a white male and where I grew up there was only one ‘Latino’ in our school. I virtually never met or saw a black person until I served a mission. I served in South America and found latinas and black women to be very attractive.

When I returned home, I married a girl of my own race in the temple and we raised our children together.

After a divorce, I moved to South America and I fell head over heels in love with a beautiful, younger black woman and we’ve been married 15 years now. For me, she is truly the sexiest human being alive on this planet.

She wears absolutely no clothes at all at home or in bed and when we go out, she wears very light, cool clothes and doesn’t ever wear a bra. She has large breasts with long hard nipples and black areolas that you can’t miss. And she absolutely loves sex.

She’s so exotic and exciting to me. Oddly though, since we live in her country, she thinks I’m actually the exotic one.

I’m really curious, are there other men like me feeling so blessed to be in a mixed race marriage?

My wife and I are active LDS. Married 16 years.

Post cancer for her and early menopause, it's become a little bit harder still so we thought having her incorporate masturbation or self learning as Laura Brotherson calls it on her book "and the eye not ashamed." may be helpful. We've used self tantric massage, the OHM method and she's grown comfortable with it and is happy to try that more.

But she says she would like for me to help "set the mood" before she does that.

Hence my question. LDS wives that need to relax before self stimulatimg/ solo masturbation, whatever you call it, what do you do to relax before hand? Long bath. Music. Massage? Candles? Low light?

Would love any tips?

I feel I'm a little ham handed

I feel like I'm a lumberjack playing a beautiful fancy violin when I use my hands only, vs watching her self stimulate, which is like watching a master violinist play the violinist.

My wife's Instagram feed has convinced her she wants to watch this new show. Specifically because it's spicy. But she normally isn't comfortable with much sexual stuff on the screen. She has been listening to some of the more tame spicy books recently but still gets kind of uncomfortable.

I told her if we're going to watch it FOR the spicy, we gotta watch ALL of the spice. Otherwise it looks pretty lame

We'll see how this goes.

I see a lot on this sub talking about dead bedrooms and looking for the “hack” to break out of those cycles.

My wife recently shared with me this article that I feel many couples could benefit from and is fairly innocent to bring up with your spouse.

I’m not going to parented this will solve your issues in the bedroom but I could be a good starting point to go from 0 sex to more regular and enjoyable sex.

I would love to hear thoughts from others on this article as I think it has some important and powerful tool that couples can use to go from no spark to a roaring fire!

I know me and my wife had already done 2 of the 3 things mentioned in the article and are no adding the third one to keep our relationship going in the right direction.

One thing that we both took from this article is that many couples have the “spark” at the beginning of the relationship but at some point the spark dies and leaves many in the dreaded “roommate” phase. From what we have found, breaking out of the roommate phase requires sex/intimacy but not in the way I fear many think. You can’t brute force your marriage out of the roommate phase by going on a vacation or having a kid free weekend, it takes practice and mindful action in order to break free and go from “roommates” to your original loving and intimate relationship that many think has long since passed.

My wife and I are active members that don’t typically swear day to day. My wife used to swear a lot, and I sure did as a kid, but we make it a point to be better about our language.

The thing is, I can tell that she wants to drop f bombs during sex sometimes, I know I do. I’ve surely heard it muffled from time to time. I kind of brought it up yesterday to see what she thought about the whole idea, like if it’s something she feels guilty about. I didn’t assume she would, nor did she say she did when we talked. But naturally she’s worried that it will lead her to having less control over her language during the day. We already say everything else dirty. No issues saying pussy or cock, etc. because it’s not a penis or vagina, it’s a cock or pussy during sex..

NGL part of me really wants to hear her say “fuck me”. I’d shoot a huge load right there. And I kinda hope that I’ve opened the door where she’ll start letting it slip out when she’s in the heat of it all. It’s a huge turn on for me.

For those of you that do it….how did you become interested in it? What happened to make you want to try it?

Feel free to share here or privately.

So, not looking for LOC advice or any judgement, but the wife and I have a long time fantasy of exploring (as a couple) with another LDS couple. We are mid 40’s and happily married. We got married young while at BYU and we are now in a place in our marriage, faith and life where we are thinking of exploring a bit. Maybe same room sex, maybe more

For those of you who have gone there, how was it? Any regrets? Are you still active? Was there any fall out?

How did you find them?

Thanks!

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Married 3 years my Voluptuous Wife often likes to Be on top after she had a abusive Ex. On my S\O restraints are a limited to silk and blindfolds she's rather Vanilla which isn't a issue. Or I hold down her Wrists. she likes to be the Dom a fair amount 😉 f she lets go & NOT in her HEAD which I dislike I. She's told me to focus on me not her pleasure so much during S at times.

. She surprised me with this Cop costume she Found & I 'd Love to be the Dom more & excited to wear it. ASMR roleplay is New & I seriously want it go well. I want 🪛 Her & Give her the Fantasy she's wants till she Can't Stop smiling😁.I want to make the a great experience 4 us both what do I say to not make this awkward

I'm out of my element here.

There was that spot in the middle of my back that was itching and I couldn’t reach it till I was able get a pencil to scratch it….but once I did…oh man it feels 🤤. So that got me thinking, what are those other everyday things that get you feeling a certain way?

The other one for me is eating strawberries dipped in Nutella! It’s like as orgasm in your mouth almost as good as giving actual head!

Just thought I'd share this for anyone that it might help.

Our journey toward a more female-centered sex life has honestly transformed our marriage. My wife and I are active LDS and have been married for 25 years. Early in marriage, foreplay and intercourse (penetration) were the core of our intimate life. We read the book “The Act of Marriage” and she used “self touching” (masturbation in marriage) and I used “fingering” at the beginning of our marriage to help her loosen up, but soon stopped because she felt guilty for it. So for the first part of our marriage, intimate life was very traditional and husband-focused: foreplay led to penetration, and penetration was the “main event.”

Then cancer changed everything.

Years of cancer treatment pushed my wife into early menopause in her 30s, affected her hormones, and made intimacy physically difficult for her. There were seasons where we could barely have sex at all. When we eventually tried rebuilding our intimate life, intercourse became exhausting and frustrating for both of us. She often felt ashamed or broken, and I felt helpless watching her struggle.

That journey forced us to start looking at other ways to help her learning things from books like “And they were not ashamed” “And it was Very Good”, “The Act of Marriage” and most recently, “She comes First” (not really a Christian book but one focused on more female centric sexual intimacy) we stumbled upon oral sex as the thing that helped her. It was a game changer for her. We felt a lot of the guilt that came with doing that, having read a mix of opinions about it. But after some months of guilty pleasure, we accepted the fact that it was just necessary given her new body makeup. I remember when I first performed it, she was happy crying after reaching a powerful orgasm after so long. We never looked back.

One thing I learned back then is that many women do not consistently orgasm from intercourse alone. Was a total shock to me.

I never knew that the clitoris has one primary purpose: pleasure. It is not needed for reproduction, childbirth, or hygiene. It exists almost almost exclusively for female sexual enjoyment. That realization alone completely changed the way I thought about intimacy as a husband.For years I had focused almost entirely on penetration while barely understanding the part of my wife’s body most connected to pleasure and orgasm. One of the most freeing things we learned is this: intercourse does not have to be the center of sex.

When we stoppef treating penetration as the sole goal, and more on my wife’s pleasure, there was less performance anxiety and more focus on affection, exploration, communication, and mutual delight. Today, our sex life is much more female-centered, and honestly, it has been incredible for both of us.

We prioritize her pleasure first almost every time. We use far more oral sex, vibrators, sensual massage, than we ever did early in marriage. My wife also actively participates in her own pleasure during intimacy, including self-stimulation or masturbation next to me, which has been deeply healing and freeing for her. Instead of feeling passive or pressured, she has learned what brings her pleasure and teaching me for to do it. Ironically, focusing less on my orgasm has made intimacy far better for both of us.

Seeing my wife fully relax, experience pleasure without shame, and orgasm almost always before intercourse even begins , has become one of the best parts of our intimate life. Some times, I don’t ever ejaculate during the times we're intimate during the week, and it is still incredibly rewarding seeing her in the middle of an orgasm or multiple orgasms, just basking in her glow afterwards. What happens often is that she then is aroused for much longer and is so passionate and aggressive in her love making with me. There is something profoundly masculine to me about delighting in my wife’s pleasure rather than making sex revolve around my own performance or climax. When I stopped asking, “How quickly do we get to intercourse?” and started asking, “How do I help my wife feel fully fulfilled in her own orgasm first?” things totally transformed our sex life.

Hello all,

I am a 60 year old male with a wild past but then joined the faith and got married. In my past sexual experiences I have never cared about receiving oral and have never cum that way. My now wife is discouraged that she can't get me to come that way and thinks she is not as good as the others I've been with but doesn't take into account that I have never ever came that way! I love that she tries and I would love to cum that way but I'm just not sure what to tell her to do or if I'm a lost cause.

Men.... Do all of you love receiving oral? Do you always cum? Am I the only one that doesn't?!?

I'm at a stage of life where I think I'm more open to sex before marriage for various reasons, but I ultimately still want to get married in the temple. Long story short: grew up an athlete, played athletics through my early 20's, got with quite a few girls but never had sex, life progressed to where I went into an introverted stage due to friends getting married and everyone doing their own thing, have recently gotten back into shape and going out again with coworkers who aren't members. Sex has been on the table with 3 different girls since I started going out again. The temptation is much stronger than it was in my younger days. Not only is the temptation there but as I mentioned I'm more open to it now.

My wife of 18 years,is running around. Let get something straight. I'm not the best husband, but I changed, for her..now she chooses to hurt me!!

Over time I've slowly realized that I dont want love. I've tried to deny it or brush over it, ignore it and all the things. Yes, I can still feel romantic attraction, but i'm just not interested in it now. Like everytime I think about feeling love, or imagine dating someone I get this pit in my gut that just wont go away. Its like I swallowed a rock and its just uncomfortable and annoying. And dont get me started on thinking about sex. It makes me genuinely want to puke and I feel horrible. I get chills and feel like i wanna cry. But everytime I even bring it up to anyone, parents, friends, church members, they all tell me I'll "change my mind." Or, "Once you find the man you wont even think about it anymore." Or "Love is natural and everyone wants to feel it. Dont be silly." Or anything like that. So I just dont bring it up now. But as i'm getting closer to 18 and people bring it up more, Its now getting unavoidable. Like i'm planning on going to collage and when I bring it up people just talk about how they met their husband there or about their love lives. It makes me feel uncomfortable and kinda gives me the hee-bee-gee-bees. Like its some kind of fate I cant escape. And it gets way, WAY WORSE, if I even touch on maybe not wanting kids in any conversation. I get scolded or looked at like i'm crazy. Like my mom got so mad at me when I brought it up once. She legit scolded me for around fifteen to twenty minutes. Ngl I kinda blocked it out, but if anyone wants to know about it I'll try and remember what I can. But basically people just tell me "I'll change my mind," and that i'm "Too young to decide now." Or, "God comanded it." Whitch I get, but like... What if its genuinely not for me? Should I just shut up and do it anyways for God? Like I'm so confused and have been crying over this for a long time.

Been married almost 11 years. Healthy and happy for the most part but since our third child our sexual frequency has decreased significantly and our relationship has been tested. We are sort of in that "roommate" rut where we are more like co-parents that live together instead of two people in love with each other. We both recognize this and are trying to give each other more time and energy. One thing we've talked about is being intimate more often, which I'm excited about, she says that she feels closer to me and better mentally when we have sex, and I totally do too, I have the higher drive for sure. But, this is my question, my wife has never wanted anything near her vagina other than my penis. No fingers, no mouth, no toys, only PIV. My wife has also never masturbated, and believes that it's wrong. In fact I've hidden my masturbation from her or whole marriage, which I really don't like. She knows, and lets me take sexy (nude) pictures of her and I've tried to hint that I use these to masturbate but she still reacts like I'm doing something terribly wrong. She will masturbate me though, and she gives me blow jobs almost every time (as long as I've recently showered.) Our last time yesterday I tried explaining to her again that I want more foreplay and to give her more and longer orgasms by fingering her and giving oral. She agreed to let me try but it didn't last long and she didn't like it. I asked her to show me what feels good and teach me to do it. She tried but I think she honestly didn't know. I encouraged her to masturbate and let me watch so we can both learn together but she responded by saying she just really only likes PIV. I've always accepted this and I'm happy to oblige but I cum within minutes and it's over. She says she loves it but I'm fairly certain she's never had a true orgasm. I really want her to have that pleasure but I don't know if I should keep trying to encourage this type of exploration or if I should just be content with PIV.

Have any other couples or women experienced this? We're you able to overcome this aversion to masturbation and learn to enjoy oral or getting fingered? What can I do to help her, or is that the totally wrong attitude, she doesn't need help with anything and it's just how she is, she says she loves PIV so I should be content with that too?

We were both virgins at marriage and stayed pretty squeaky clean our whole lives, I just wonder if this comes from her upbringing in the church or this is just how she is regardless of religious teachings. Some of this is selfish, I really want to give her mind blowing, pleasure full, body shaking orgasms, but I also think it would be good for HER to feel that pleasure too.

Please help. Thanks!

So I see there’s a lot of men on the sub so I’m hopeful some of you can give some advice. I’ve been married for over a decade now and love my husband dearly, but the sex leaves something to be desired. Don’t get me wrong, he always makes me cum (usually with toys), but I he just isn’t into the same things I am. I like more dominant men in the bedroom, rougher sex, and overall just a little darker erotic type sex than his vanilla style. I’ve tried lingerie, role play, and lap dances to spice things up and shower him with all the things he likes. However when I show him the things I like he still doesn’t really do any of them or seem interested. How can I turn him to the dark side? Or am I just stuck?

I have a couple of questions to pose for the group and get some ideas…

1. How can I encourage my wife to change the style of lingerie she prefers? I love my wife, and I love to look at her body. But when she buys new lingerie, and then when she finally does end up wearing it, I have to say that it’s often not flattering, and slightly boring. I’m not looking for her to wear full body fishnets, or leather corsets, or things of that nature, but I’d like her to buy something that isn’t from Target.

2. Sorta mentioned in question 1, but how can I encourage my wife to wear lingerie more often? We’re faithful members that wear garments as prescribed. But I love the idea of her switching her underwear up to something different for an afternoon and sorta teasing me and/or starting a slow burning foreplay, just by letting me know what she has underneath her clothes. Or even wearing it out on a date night.

I’d love to get your ideas/experiences for things that have worked, different lingerie websites, confidence building lingerie types, etc.

Additional Context: Wife (37) and I (33) have been married almost 12 years. 2 kids (9 & 5). Sex life started vanilla, started improving around year 10 of marriage.

Has anyone encountered either an embarrassing moment or had an inappropriate encounter with other believers?

For example, I’ve stumbled across a couple of posts that mentioned someone from their church accidentally sending provocative pictures of their wives. Anything like that happened to anyone? Other examples I’m thinking of is accidentally walking in on someone naked or using the bathroom? So situations like that.

Lately, my wife and I (43) have been much more open with each other about masturbation, and she has actually started to explore that for herself, which has been incredible for us. We are recognizing the benefit in our marriage, removing secrecy about it and how to own our own sexualities.

I've realized recently for a long time I was using masturbation coupled with porn to manage my emotions, numb out stress, or clear the noise in my head. I’m working hard to shift away from that including overcoming pornography. I am working to find and a much healthier view of masturbation without porn where it’s not a coping mechanism, but a conscious way to express my own sexual energy and honor my body.

I’m curious if any of you have experienced that shift or recognized the difference in why you’re doing it. If you have, how did changing the purpose of it affect your connection with your own body? How can you tell the difference between just using it to numb out versus doing it as a healthy expression of your sexuality?