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u/PulpFreeOrngjuce

r/enby r/Denver
▲ 12 r/enby

The good ending!

For so long, I wondered what was wrong with me.

Why i felt different, outside, unable to connect on the level others did.

I did everything I was supposed to for someone born and assigned as a male.

Sports, locker room talk, cars, macho attitude and a stoic lifestyle.

I wasn't fulfilled, I wasn't happy, I had it all yet I had nothing.

I hated myself despite it all.

The way I walked, talked, dressed, moved, the way I lived.

I had to ask why! Why did I feel this way when I should be content.

Now I know, I see this gender bending punk ass non-binary gender non-conforming person in the mirror and for the first time in my life I love who I see.

This is all pretty corny but holy shit, I feel alive and real and so ME. So much so that I will throw these feelings into the void named Reddit in the off chance you read this.

Love who you are, accept them! I promise you won't regret it.

reddit.com
u/PulpFreeOrngjuce — 1 day ago
▲ 39 r/enby

Been exploring body horror as I come to understand the things I am dysphoric about TW:Blood, Body Horror, Gore, nudity

TW:Blood, Body Horror, Gore, nudity (poorly drawn but still)

Idk how appropriate this is to post here (mods pls remove if not) but I have been doing doodles in my Journal focusing on things about the body that I have found dysphoria in. Mainly body hair, nails, unnatural proportions, blood/pus, acne, birth, things like that. They are gross lil freaks but I have been enjoying the process of pushing these traits to a extreme place.

u/PulpFreeOrngjuce — 4 days ago
▲ 17 r/enby

Not sure what this feeling is

Yesterday was my first time attending Pride in my city, and as a freshly nb person no less. I had a wonderful time and felt so free to express myself, but there was this strange undercurrent of quiet sadness?

I'm having trouble putting a name to this feeling, but there is some kind of dissonance between how I feel about the ownership over my body and the connection I feel to it now that I am treating it with kindness, vs the reality of feeling too uncertain about expressing myself at places outside of private/queer spaces. At work, the most feminine thing is my nails but I feel so blah when looking at the rest of my body. No makeup, polo and pants. It makes me question if I can ever marry the stability of my Cis presenting life and who I really am without everything going terribly.

It's like that feeling of a really good movie or series or book coming to an end, like "back to reality i guess" kind of feeling.

I dont know, its making me wonder if this is just another one of my many small bursts of feeling before the inevitable bleakness of a capitalist hellscape takes over again. I feel so at peace and warm looking at my beautiful self but the cold reality of having to "go back" is really jarring and takes me out of the moment. I can't put the pieces together about how these two pics are the same person.

Along with the euphoria of gender comes this anxiety that I have to keep beating into submission. This anxiety that I am wrong and that I am ruining my life and that I should just keep trucking as a straight passing male because it got me this far. I know that its an inner sabetour but it is really strong sometimes, more than ever right now. The meds I take can work but some days no matter what I do or practice I still have to struggle and wrestle with these feelings. Its getting better, but I wonder if I will ever be strong enough to just leave these useless feelings behind and truly live in the moment.

Tldr: Fuck capitalism I just want to be queer and lounge in the afternoon sun.

Thanks for reading

u/PulpFreeOrngjuce — 6 days ago
▲ 13 r/enby

Partner struggling with my Non-Binaryness

I posted a bit ago about finally admitting and accepting my identity as someone who doesn't fit into either of the gendered boxes that we find ourselves put into. My wife and I have been together for nearly 5 years, married last October, but she has been having a hard time with seeing me as the same person. She is bisexual, and is attracted to masc men and fem women, but I am in a place where I am experimenting with how I look, act, and present and taking/combining things all over the spectrum.

I have never felt more self-assured and happy to exist in my body, but I can tell it makes her uncomfortable as she is not that attracted to me, romantically or sexually. Let me be clear, I don't want anyone to think she is an unsupportive partner, she is doing everything she can to understand and accept me and I truly would call her my best friend. Me being outside of the binary has thrown her through a loop though, and I don't know what else I can do to show her that I am still me, despite whatever change I have come to I am still the person she fell in love with, but she told me that she "fell in love with a man" and is scared that we won't be able to make it work.
I am scared too, I love her to the ends of the earth and I want to grow old with her, raise a family and live life to the fullest, but something about this transition has put us at an impasse. We do couples therapy but haven't seen our therapist since I came out so we will have quite a bit to explain to him.

I guess what I'm saying is that I am scared of losing her and I want to know if anyone else has been through something like this. What was it like? Did things work out? Is there an outcome here where everything "goes back to normal"? I have so many questions but I don't think any answer would satisfy the fear of losing my favorite person over choosing to live my truth.

reddit.com
u/PulpFreeOrngjuce — 23 days ago
▲ 45 r/Denver

Got my first anti-Melat Kiros ad!

Anyone know what shady figure is funding Mile High Accountability? (Also what an insane claim to say she wants to abolish an ENTIRE WING OF GOVERNMENT???)

u/PulpFreeOrngjuce — 24 days ago
▲ 30 r/enby

Been embracing my true nonbinary self after 26 years

Had a very enlightening week where i finally realized I have been holding my true self back for my entire life. It's been an overwhelming amount of feelings both good and bad and I am so lucky to have an incredible and supportive wife as I figure all this out. Today I tried putting on my own makeup for the first time and while it isn't great, I feel such soothing euphoria and a true acceptance of who I am.

I didn't know my brain could be so quiet.

u/PulpFreeOrngjuce — 27 days ago
▲ 176 r/Denver

Patisserie Maison Shelby just opened yesterday! Go support your local businesses and enjoy some incredible pastries. Located at 2120 s Broadway.

u/PulpFreeOrngjuce — 2 months ago