r/enby

Greetings humans,

Recently I had a fairly bad depressive episode after I got broken up with, and these last couple of months this has messed with the way I see myself-

I've known that i was enby for years- since I was around 14 or so.. The thing is, that to all my friends when I came out to them- I kinda went with "hey, really I'm fine with any pronouns" and "no of course im still [name]". Which resulted in me being treated just the same way as before, which is my fault really but still sucked quite a bit.

The past few days though, I realized that being enby is not a passive "not being a guy, not being a girl thing" and of course i knew that before, I just never really.. computed it. I treated myself like people should just decide which gender they wanted to give me- and that was a mistake. I had a very nice talk with one of my best friends just two hours ago, and now I actually feel like I can be myself- at least around them.

I'm sexualized to the point I can see the urge to rape in men's eyes. Women are somehow even worse, they don't even think about it, just touch me, esp when drunk.

The other day I got attacked on the street. He gave up when he realized I'm way more ghetto.

Secretly recorded (not so secret, I saw the phone obviously, but it was hidden from everyone else in the pervert's jacket)... and yeah don't even question it, no doubt about it, he turned the phone as I moved.

I can constantly hear people talking about me when I'm in the public (is it a man? is it a woman? what the ... is that?). Neighbors talking about me in the building hallway (F word, my name, disgusting, etc).

Rejected by my whole ex squad (all cis men).

Used and either friendzoned or rejected by dates from dating apps. Others antagonize the sh out of me. Partners abused me in ways I can't even describe without writing a prolonged essay. Non binary partners.

That is, when I get matches and they respond. Those are really sparse. Honestly it's surprising, I think I look more than fine.

I've cultivated self love to the point an average person could never imagine let alone understand. I see no other way to survive.

Not to mention being completely unemployable due to looking GNC and being a ghetto autistic person.

What the. What to do?

I'm beyond mad, sad, angry, whatever. None of this should be happening. I deserved none of it. Literally being treated worse than a trashcan. I could appreciate someone I can talk to and no I'm not going to a therapist. I need a friend.

I'm curious to know more about how trans people's music taste differs and to discover new music I might like. If you feel comfortable, please add your age and nationality.