u/ParziVal0919

Hey everyone, i'm Noise.

I've been going through a ton lately, to the point where I've been suicidal again (yay 41% smth smth), and having to deal with sh problems again.

Im pretty young (18), and I think i am visually good looking, in terms of my face and whatnot.. The problem is, everytime that I undress I genuinly get the urge to self harm, because I despise my body to a point where I want to leave it. To the point where I only shower in the dark to not see anything- It's horrible.

I was born male, and my body is sadly an absolute brick, i'm 6,2 and even though I have a relatively femme face, I hate the way my body is structured. I am definitely not trans, because I know for a fact that female genitalia or a feminine role in society wouldn't change this, but I still have horrible dysphoria, especially about my shoulders, and height. I've known that i'm nb for almost five years now, through the entirety of male puberty, which has ravaged my wonderful androgynous body that I used to have, and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be a woman, I don't want to be a man. I want my body to be as fragile and small and hurt as I am.

Apart from therapy, which I am trying to get (you try in germany, seriously), what is there to do for me ? I've been thinking about microdosing diy hrt, but I dont want to lose function of my genitalia, which I've heard can happen, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't think it would make me feel any better.

Anyway. Thanks y'all.

Dysphoric and depressed

Noise (It/They).

Hey everyone, i'm Noise.

I've been going through a ton lately, to the point where I've been suicidal again (yay 41% smth smth), and having to deal with sh problems again.

Im pretty young (18), and I think i am visually good looking, in terms of my face and whatnot.. The problem is, everytime that I undress I genuinly get the urge to self harm, because I despise my body to a point where I want to leave it. To the point where I only shower in the dark to not see anything- It's horrible.

I was born male, and my body is sadly an absolute brick, i'm 6,2 and even though I have a relatively femme face, I hate the way my body is structured. I am definitely not trans, because I know for a fact that female genitalia or a feminine role in society wouldn't change this, but I still have horrible dysphoria, especially about my shoulders, and height. I've known that i'm nb for almost five years now, through the entirety of male puberty, which has ravaged my wonderful androgynous body that I used to have, and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be a woman, I don't want to be a man. I want my body to be as fragile and small and hurt as I am.

Apart from therapy, which I am trying to get (you try in germany, seriously), what is there to do for me ? I've been thinking about microdosing diy hrt, but I dont want to lose function of my genitalia, which I've heard can happen, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't think it would make me feel any better.

Anyway. Thanks y'all.

Dysphoric and depressed

Noise (It/They).

Haven't tested it yet, but it sounds really promising with the insane cd reduction you get if you buy it first or second- I'd probably play it rod into imperial mid, but I'll go find out in a custom first- will post my findings in comments

Greetings humans,

Recently I had a fairly bad depressive episode after I got broken up with, and these last couple of months this has messed with the way I see myself-

I've known that i was enby for years- since I was around 14 or so.. The thing is, that to all my friends when I came out to them- I kinda went with "hey, really I'm fine with any pronouns" and "no of course im still [name]". Which resulted in me being treated just the same way as before, which is my fault really but still sucked quite a bit.

The past few days though, I realized that being enby is not a passive "not being a guy, not being a girl thing" and of course i knew that before, I just never really.. computed it. I treated myself like people should just decide which gender they wanted to give me- and that was a mistake. I had a very nice talk with one of my best friends just two hours ago, and now I actually feel like I can be myself- at least around them.