u/Purple-Health-3658

I (39F) have a 12 year old daughter with my late ex-husband. We divorced when she was three, but we shared custody and, despite our differences, he was always involved in her life.

He unexpectedly passed away earlier this year.

I've since remarried, and my husband has been in my daughter's life for about five years. He's a wonderful stepfather and they've built a good relationship, but he's never tried to replace her dad.

Recently, my husband's parents brought up the idea of changing my daughter's last name to match ours. They said it would make school, travel, and future paperwork easier, and that it would help us "feel like one family."

My daughter overheard the conversation and later told me she doesn't want to change her last name because it's one of the few things she still shares with her dad.

I agreed with her and told everyone the discussion was over.

My in laws think I'm encouraging her to hold onto the past instead of helping her move forward. My husband says he supports whatever our daughter wants, but he also admitted he understands why his parents suggested it.

The issue became bigger when my own mother told me I should make the decision as the parent because "she's only 12 and doesn't understand how much easier life would be."

I don't see it that way. To me, this isn't about paperwork it's about respecting my daughter's connection to her father, especially since she can't make new memories with him anymore.

Now both sides of the family think I'm either being too emotional or not acting in my daughter's best interests.

AITA for refusing to change my daughter's last name even though several family members think I should?